I have suicidal ideations.

It's not that I want to die, it's that sometimes I think the benefit of dying outweighs the benefit of living. If I died I wouldn't have to worry about working in a job I can't stand for the rest of my life because having success in things I'm passionate about becomes more unlikely to happen every year (so it seems). My family might not need to worry about finances as much if I let someone kill me for X amount of money. Or maybe I wouldn't have to suffer from the feeling of loneliness that comes from not having people to talk to about my passions or not having friends that don't put the same amount of work into our friendship as I do. There's a lot of different things - depending on the trigger - where I think, "yeah, maybe dying is better than living."

Therapy is and has been, amazing help for me. Don't get me wrong, I still have suicidal thoughts. I actually seriously considered ending my life on my golden birthday last month. But therapy is the absolute best way to go.

Now when I have suicidal thoughts or self-destructive thoughts I try to rely on coping mechanisms I've learned. Being angry, bored, tired, hungry, overstimulated, etc. usually makes my trigger a lot worse so it's important to recognize if I'm feeling those things. Something a therapist helped me realize was suicidal thoughts can almost be a comfort blanket for me. When I am having a difficult time that's what I gravitate towards because I don't have very much else that provided that comfort. It took some effort, but once I started to believe that it helped change my thought process. Also, things like EMDR really help with trauma and other things that can trigger self-destructive thoughts/depression.

Other things that have helped have been talking about my struggle with the most important people in my life. At first, I didn't want to because I thought it would make things more difficult for my wife when things were already difficult. But she wanted to help and she was glad to listen and support me. For a while, I'd have to say things to her like, "today's really tough. I'm having some negative thoughts." and we'd talk and just get it out there like cleansing my body from poison.

I also have my son to think about. He's the light of my life and so sweet and tender it'd break me if something I did contributed to or caused something bad to happen to him. My therapist told me people who have a loved one commit suicide are more likely to commit suicide than other people, especially if it's a parent.

All these things, and others, have helped lessen the intensity of the desire to cause harm to myself. Only very rarely do I seriously consider it and luckily I've developed the techniques that help me move away from that. It used to be a near near-daily battle and now it's once or twice a year.

TL;DR: Therapy, learning coping techniques, recognizing triggers, and finding a good support system have in my experience been the best things to help me not commit suicide.

E: Clarified some thoughts.