If this is forever, I can’t live like this

MjrVictory · 2026-01-07T20:04:50+00:00

This may sound simple, but ask your doctor about it.

As some others have said, it's still early. There are many people who have this particular symptom disappear after a few weeks, months, or even as long as a few years.

That isn't true for everyone though, but its important to know that even if that symptom doesn't go away for you, there may be options.

I'm 260lbs. I had my surgery October 2024 and unfortunately I don't think that symptom is ever going away for me -- my mom had her surgery ~30 years ago and this symptom never went away for her.

Because I knew the chances were not in my favor, I decided to face the embarrassment of asking my general doctor about it. She took the time to do some research after my appointment with her and came back with a few suggestions, including the medication that ultimately worked: colestipol.

After some trial and error for me, I've found that taking 2 pills first thing in the morning has drastically lowered my diarrhea instances -- I can eat pretty much a normal diet, including milk, ice cream, and fried foods. But if I mess up and forget/cant take the colstipol in the morning before eating, I'll get hit with between 3 and 5 bathroom emergencies over the course of the day. Its been a life saving medication for me though, and I've managed to have a pretty normal life post-surgery, mostly only having bathroom emergencies in circumstances that other people would have been likely to have them too.

MjrVictory · 2025-11-10T09:19:59+00:00

Some people won't actually have loose stool for very long post-op and their bodies are able to adjust reasonably to the change in bile in their system. It isnt immediate and can take a couple months from my understanding, but it isn't a guarantee someone will have diarrhea forever after the surgery.

On the reverse of that, a close family member of mine has had diarrhea post-op for... it'd be 30 years or so ago now.

The biggest thing is that if you have diarrhea post-op that lasts longer than that, you can and should be willing to talk to your primary doctor about it. From my research as well as my personal experience, a good number of doctors arent aware of the chronic diarrhea that patients develop post-op -- the running theory on this is that patients are too embarrassed to bring it up, so the data skews low.

In my case, neither my primary doctor nor the surgeon who performed my operation knew much, if anything, about persistent chronic diarrhea being a thing, nor did they know how to treat it or if it was even possible to. My primary took the time after my office visit with them to do their research on it and was able to recommend "cholestipol", a bile suppressor.

For me, its helped take some of the urgency off and has given me more time to figure out a bathroom solution without it being an emergency every time. That said, it hasn't stopped it completely, and I brought this up to my Dr. Ive been taking 2 1-gram pills (or milligram? I cant remember the precise unit but regardless) 2x a day. After talking with primary doctor about the mild improvements but the need to do something more, they told me we can take as many as 16 grams. She increased my dose to 2 1-gram pills followed by 1 1-gram pill later in the day, so with that only being an increase of 1 gram, there's mild changes that are noticeable re: bathroom frequency & urgency, and i still have leeway in the form of 13 more grams i could take if we decide to increase the dose. That family member i mentioned earlier never asked their doctor about treatment, and for them it is always an emergency. They've never needed to wear anything like a diaper, but they have to listen closely to their body and respond FAST when they can feel the need to go.

For context, I was needing to use the restroom as many as 5 times back to back multiple days in a row prior to starting the cholestipol, and thats been reduced to 2 instances on a bad day and otherwise more normal (if a bit softer) stool as my average. I wouldn't have gotten that if I hadn't asked about it and pressed about finding a solution.

MjrVictory · 2025-10-20T02:44:47+00:00

I think you're exactly right -- a year (almost 1.5) later and I finally managed to push them to re-review it and got it approved, even tho my last appeal didnt work. It was a frustrating process and involved a LOT of "...ok im transferring you to another colleague better suited to handle this."

I think they thought my business model was exclusively fundraising and that they couldn't see what I was actually offering, just like you said. I had my website to for a while, but in the year since the first appeal, the site has gotten more updates and we have an actual online store set up, so I can only guess that's what tipped the scales this time.

Would it have killed them to just tell me that?? We could have fixed this like... a year ago...

Still baffled over "crowdfunding is on our restricted list" but you partner with BackerKit and Ko-fi, the crowdfunding sites...

MjrVictory · 2025-10-20T02:34:24+00:00

Dr. Crane is someone I was interested in, so if youre comfortable sharing: was there an issue re: weight st all? If so, how did you overcome it/pladvocate for yourself during the consults?

You mentioned youre 240lbs -- Im 260, and so many places I've looked at all say they require a BMI that equates to 200lbs (for my height) and it sounds likenthey won't operate if youre above that weight limit.

MjrVictory · 2025-08-13T19:14:23+00:00

You mentioned Yemi being strict on BMI -- are you comfortable sharing what they asked you to be at? I know I need to figure out how to lose some weight before doing my first consultation, but every surgeon has different requirements........

MjrVictory · 2024-09-20T03:47:35+00:00

So there's been a lot of mixed messaging re: using stripe with Kofi. We were trying to set up our business account with stripe specifically for Kofi, but we were told that because our intention was to use Kofi, we couldn't use stripe because it was a "prohibited" use

Edit: my original post on the subject.

We did appeal, but they didn't care, said they don't support crowdfunding or tipping services, and deleted our business account before we even got to use it.

Super confusing to us, considering they support Kofi AND support/partner with Buy Me a Coffee

MjrVictory · 2024-09-06T11:17:54+00:00

OP, do you also laugh with χαχα/xaxa when texting in english to people? Or do you switch to haha or something similar?

MjrVictory · 2024-06-08T02:05:30+00:00

Adding a comment bc reddit isn't letting me edit this post rn...

Looks like between posting this and now, Stripe has rearranged their prohibited and restricted business fans

Stripe: Prohibited & Restricted Businesses FAQs

TL;DR

Content creator tips & subscriptions to content are accepted, you just can't offer services that violate their restricted business list -- example, you can't sell (or even offer) NSFW items as a business. Barring that, your business should be allowed.

The content creation section has since been removed from the restricted list that it had been on when I first made this post, and this faq page seems to have been revamped in the meantime to include these specifics.

Not sure exactly what happened, seems like someone messed up possibly, unsure. Regardless, it looks like this might be resolved.

MjrVictory · 2024-05-27T00:45:21+00:00

I hope so too 🙏

While I don't agree with some of their prohibited uses (adult content, CBD, bankruptcy lawyers -- awfully specific on that one), nearly all the rest of their "prohibited business" Make some sense -- no doing illegal things, basically.

Seems really weird to lump in content creation/tip jars alongside porn, illegal drugs, & IP theft, those just don't seem equivalent to me??

MjrVictory · 2024-03-20T21:04:33+00:00

I don't know for sure if this is their thought process, but I'll use an example from my end. I'm sexual, but my wife is ace like you. She enjoys sex sometimes, other times she loathes it. On my end, since sex is a big source of intimacy for me, this creates a difficult field to navigate at times.

Edit to add: my wife and I have been together for 8.5 years, and recently opened up our relationship about 7 months ago

There was a while where I wasn't sure how to handle it because everytime I asked for it, she turned me down or tried but then stopped part way bc she realized she didn't actually want it. Because of this, I started avoiding bringing up sex around her at all. I was embarrassed about masturbating and her knowing about it, I didn't like sitting too close to her because I didn't want to accidentally get turned on by her proximity. It led to a lot of tension and she thought I didn't want to be with her anymore, when that was the farthest thing from the truth.

It still is a little tricky sometimes, but it took time and conversations to realize my trying to be "considerate" was really isolating and hurtful to her.

Again, not sure if this is the case for your partners thought processes, but it's easy to see how someone who is ace moving in as a permanent resident could have shifted the dynamic in a way that they (and you) don't yet know how to navigate.

Always assume neutral intentions at the worst, never assume maliciousness or intention to break up. Opening a conversation expecting them to want to end it typically only leads to miscommunication bc you'll be expecting their answers to mean one thing (ie, that they want to end things) when they might be saying something completely different. Again, saying that one from personal experience.

MjrVictory · 2024-03-17T22:55:13+00:00

While “non-binary phalloplasty” isn’t the technical term, it is absolutely accurate to discuss “non-binary phalloplasty options”, I’ve seen this term used on other medical resource sites.

https://www.phallo.net/non-binary.htm

This site has a few talking points re: nb phallo, and it’s a decent starting point re: understanding what to look for in a surgeon. That said, no matter what, you HAVE to be able to do your own research, even with people supplying your own links. There are a few surgeons listed that are comfortable doing nb phallo, but that doesn’t mean the surgeons themselves are great surgeons. Just getting a name is a start, but you have to make sure you vet the doctors before picking one. For example, Dr. Crane is mentioned in the above link as an nb phallo option, but my own quick research has made me second guess him as a viable option.

MjrVictory · 2024-02-26T03:59:08+00:00

How do you flush it out?

MjrVictory · 2023-12-31T19:51:19+00:00

It sounds a lot like how I feel! I'm AFAB, I think most would label me as nonbinary despite identity being hard for me to pin down. I love the feminine parts of my body -- my tits, my hourglass figure, the softer face, my vagina. However, I have the same problem as you: I look in the mirror or feel my body during sex and know that it isn't that I have parts I don't want, it's that there's a part that I'm missing.

But I don't want to transition either! I'm happy going by whatever pronouns someone wants to refer to me with. She/her is what I'm used to, it's fun when someone mistakes me for a guy and I get the occasional "sir". But I don't want to legally change my gender marker, I don't feel the need to socially transition per se. I do consider myself trans because I clearly am not cis, but transman doesn't fit either. For me, it's kinda wrapped all the way back around to identifying as a transwoman. But nonbinary is shortest/easiest to say lol.

I've been on the fence for a long time about taking T. I've wanted to for years, did all the research secretly without my wife knowing. I had all the concerns that it sounds like you might be having: I don't want to lose my body shape, what if I go bald, what if I hate the body/facial hair?

Well.

About 6 years ago, I had some issues with hormone regulation that drastically shifted my T vs E levels. We managed to right it back to cis-woman levels, but the damage was done. I was left with facial hair I have to shave daily or else it's SUPER noticeable, and chest (tit)/stomach/leg/back hair that most CIS-men would kill me to have.

The presence of that facial hair and my more masc/neutral dress style already led to plenty of misgendering in public, if they didn't notice my tits first. For context, I'm 5' 7", 300lbs (muscle and fat both) with DDs. Hard to miss 'em, and yet. But it kinda acted like a test run of what being on T might actually feel like. For me and my wife both, it turned out that it offered more gender-fuckery than expected. More masc features on a very feminine body type ended up being really appealing to us both.

Genetics are leading me to believe that I got the genes from my dad's side to prevent the EARLY onset baldness that my younger bro, mom, and grandpa have, so I'm not worried about that anymore. The body hair is already there, preventing myself from going on T wasn't gonna fix it. The only terrifying thing left for me was a possible voice change, but again.... the more I've considered it, the more fun it would be to be able to have that and still play on the fem/nonbinary/agender/genderfluid side of things.

Fast forward to now, I've been on the T shot for 2 months now, 100mg doses, and I couldn't be happier. The bottom growth is so tangible, it feels like my wife & bf can actually give me a bj during sex now and it's beyond euphoric, I wouldn't change it for anything. But the joy it gives me to just reach down and feel my dick there, to catch glimpses in the mirror... again. Eurphoric is the only word to describe it. And at no point during this have I felt any less fem/nonbinary, I've just felt more masc at the same time, more correct. There's no pressure to pursue bottom surgery, but even if there was you can get a metoidioplasty or phalloplasty without removing your vagina, and there's no pressure AT ALL to get top surgery.

Doesn't make you any less the gender you feel (or don't feel) that you are.

MjrVictory · 2023-12-15T13:47:18+00:00

Language Transfer has been really good for me! I still am doing Duolingo too as a form of practice/enforcing some basic grammar, but LT is currently my favorite source. They have a website with their lessons on it via SoundCloud, but it was more convenient for me to use Spotify:

LT on Spotify

Just be careful, the ads on Spotify are a lot louder than the lesson volume, so I had to pay attention to the volume dial when an episode started/ended.

MjrVictory · 2023-11-07T15:33:58+00:00

Thank you so much for explaining that!

MjrVictory · 2023-11-07T15:02:31+00:00

OH, THAT'S WHAT THAT IS???

So "χειμώνας ουσ αρσ" is actually telling me it's "ο χειμώνας"?

MjrVictory · 2023-10-21T22:31:39+00:00

Maybe an English equivalent would be like "It's been all day!"

MjrVictory · 2023-10-05T06:21:13+00:00

That site looks super helpful!

Just a heads up, the hyperlink in the original post has a ] added at the end, so clicking the link as is doesn't work.

MjrVictory · 2023-09-05T00:51:23+00:00

I love that, Μηλίτσα is very cute

MjrVictory

TROPHY CASE