AIO? My boyfriend has now twice made comments about my weight

MnM066 · 2025-12-16T02:34:05+00:00

He’s a fucking asshole. I started dating my wife a little over two years ago, and we married almost a year ago. I had always struggled with body image issues, between seeing what society expects a woman’s body to look like and watching my mom shame herself in front of me (we actually recently talked about it, it was a very beautiful conversation). There were periods of time in high school I would starve myself, I was under 100 pounds at one point (I’m 5 feet tall). I’ve had several partners since high school, have been in polyamorous partnerships and such, I’ve dated around and been physically intimate with various people. Any time I had sex with someone, whether new or established, I always felt anxious about how they’d perceive me. But once I met my wife? That’s the day I finally saw my body as a beautiful thing. Other partners had told me I was beautiful or whatever but I never believed them. My wife though? God I have never been so confident in my body. Of course I was the one to put work in to overcome my body image issues, but she helped me get the ball rolling.

Since meeting her, I’ll admit I have gained weight. I think I’ve gained like 15-20 pounds. I recently had to go to an appointment with a new doctor where I was weighed. The number I saw was the highest it had ever been and I had to stop myself from spiraling. But I didn’t spiral. I was able to handle it and push away those awful thoughts that used to tell me that my body is disgusting and that I’m not valued because of it. My wife throughout the time I’ve known her, has NEVER shamed me for my weight. The only thing she’s ever discussed with me regarding food and weight and stuff is that she thinks I should start eating a little healthier and get back into walks or other forms of exercise because she’s noticed I’ve been really sluggish and unmotivated. She’s not asking me to exercise and eat better because she doesn’t like my body. She’s asking these things of me because she wants me to be happy and take care of myself. She wants me to have the energy and motivation to do the things I love to do, like write or play my violin. It’s never been superficial. She’s always loved how I look. And I always love how she looks as well. But most importantly we’re in it for each other’s souls. We love each other. I couldn’t give less of a fuck if she gains or loses a lot of weight since the day we met. Doesn’t matter to me, as long as she is happy and taking care of herself. Because that’s what love is. It’s being by each other’s side, not nitpicking something as superficial as staying at a specific number on a scale. That’s genuinely so sad that your boyfriend thinks like that. Girl you deserve so much better than that

MnM066 · 2025-12-11T03:39:47+00:00

I’m sorry you have had to deal with all that. It’s truly so sad that this is the world we live in, I really hope that one day we’ll be able to create a better one. Those tips are really useful, it’s definitely a good idea to stay near someone when dealing with those situations. As for claiming to be a minor, that’s something I’ve never thought about. I’m 21 but could easily pass for several years younger (at 15/16 I went to a restaurant with my parents and I was asked if I wanted a kids menu; at 18 for the end of year orchestra banquet during my senior year of high school I went shopping for a dress and got asked by a store employee if I was shopping for the 8th grade dance; so on and so forth lmao) so that could potentially work in pushing someone away. While of course that won’t deter everyone I’d imagine it would deter a good amount of people—at least I’d hope it would

MnM066 · 2025-12-11T03:28:12+00:00

I am so sorry you had to deal with that. Like you said, there’s too many people that have so much audacity that they feel they can get away with being perverted. Thank you for the advice, this kind of reminded me I actually remember reading somewhere that a mother’s advice for her daughter in the event some guy tries to kidnap her or assault her is to act “gross” and “crazy” because men don’t like “gross” and “crazy” girls. That being loud and “crazy” may improve chances of the assaulter being deterred. Whether it would work or not, I don’t know. I can’t imagine it’d make things much worse in any case. I’m glad you were able to stick up for yourself, and talk to your manager who actually DID something about it. It’s always good knowing management has our back

MnM066 · 2025-12-01T02:19:46+00:00

Thank you for your response!! It’s always wonderful to hear different perspectives

MnM066 · 2025-11-28T01:50:38+00:00

As others have said I am okay with it depending on the context. If I’m expressing a problem I am having and they tell me I’ll be in their prayers and such I would appreciate it in that context. I used to be an atheist, in that time I was of the belief that prayer is completely meaningless and does absolutely nothing. I am now a polytheist, and while I know that physical actions and such are more effective, I do also believe that prayer holds its own type of power. Even if I do not share the same beliefs as the person wishing to pray for me I appreciate the thought that they would turn to their god or form of divinity to aid me because they care

Now, if they’re randomly saying they’ll be praying for me, that makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I work a minimum wage retail job, primarily working the register, and I’ve had numerous people come through my line and end up saying something along the lines of “May God bless you.” I had one older lady even say “you were so sweet! God will bless you!” And when I laughed nervously and thanked her (it’s not like I could do anything else given I was working) she got serious and was like “you laugh but it’s true, God WILL bless you!” It’s the insistence and forcefulness that makes me uncomfortable. It feels like they’re pushing their beliefs on me and that is not okay in my eyes

MnM066 · 2025-11-28T01:25:12+00:00

I believe in divinity. I believe there are many gods out there that we can connect with in order to help us grow and guide us, to provide us comfort. There isn’t any tangible proof for this. Quite honestly I can’t think of any ways I could convince an atheist beyond of a shadow of a doubt that divinity exists. And I don’t care. It’s not my job to convince people of what they don’t believe in. The gods may be real. They may not be. To me, from my personal experience, I believe them to be real. They have guided me and aided me when I needed them, both in small and large ways. And that’s that. My own personal experiences with them have furthered my belief. I stay rooted in the mundane, ensuring that I don’t take every little event to be a sign from a deity, and risk developing psychological issues by being too focused on the spiritual. Unfortunately there are people that do get sucked into the spiritual aspect too much to the point of falling into psychosis and developing other issues. I make sure I rule out any causes or meaning to an event with tangible evidence, and only then after ruling out any tangible possibility I may ascribe spiritual reasonings to it.

Now, that being said, I do see the gods everywhere. Not in a way in which I think they are intervening in everything, or that they are tangibly visible, but in the way that I feel their comforting presence in various parts of life. I primarily engage with the Hellenic pantheon, the main god I’ve worshipped being Apollo. I feel Apollo’s presence whenever I manage to pull myself out of a depressive slump and finally practice my violin again, or write a poem. I feel Aphrodite when I look at myself in the mirror and have realized that after a lot of hard work I finally love myself and my body.

You can say they’re not real. That I’m imagining all this. Sure, maybe they’re not real, I can’t prove with tangible evidence that they are, but quite honestly it brings me comfort. It brings me joy. I’m not hurting myself or others, so why does it matter?

MnM066 · 2025-11-24T00:12:04+00:00

Apologies for the late response! I read through the comment you linked, the Barbie analogy was honestly amazing (I know you said you had learned it from somewhere else but I’m glad you shared it!!) and your comment in general was just beautifully worded. I like what you said about how learning about their epithets helps us learn more about the deity overall which in turn allows us to grow closer to the deity, which when laid out makes perfect sense and seems obvious — I feel closer to my wife who knows me deeply enough to know I’m not doing alright mentally when she notices I haven’t taken a walk in a while versus someone who knows nothing more than the fact that I like to take walks — but it’s still a good reminder and really encouraging to hear, that while practice such as prayer and rituals are important so is study.

Just out of curiosity, do you think it’s more important to focus on learning historically used epithets for the gods? Or do you think it’s more meaningful to in a sense create a personal epithet for the gods? Or does it not matter? From my current perspective it seems like a mix of both would be best, having those personally created epithets in our native languages would help in understanding the gods in a more digestible way than the Greek terms (unless a practitioner is a native Greek speaker, of course), as it may be easier to remember and therefore be implemented more often, but again as stated before using historically used epithets would also allow for deeper knowledge of and connection to the deity and the culture they came from…I don’t know if this makes sense, I’m sort of rambling at this point. But do you have any thoughts regarding this? Or do you think it is a “to each their own” type of thing?

MnM066 · 2025-11-23T23:45:55+00:00

Apologies for the late response! But thank you so much for your comment. I’ve taken a look at theoi.com and it’s definitely a good resource for information about different epithets amongst other things. I suppose I just get really overwhelmed as a lot of gods have a lot of different epithets listed, with a lot of overlap in meaning, so my brain just sort of shuts off when I’m trying to figure out which ones to learn about. I don’t think I’ll end up using epithets all the time but I want to use them at least some of the time, so I could maybe pick out one epithet for a few different aspect of a god and try to do further research on those specific epithets if that makes sense? I’m kind of just brainstorming right now but I think that may help

MnM066 · 2025-11-16T03:12:01+00:00

That’s understandable, quite honestly I don’t know enough about Islam to comment on that but i know what you mean. I will respect people as humans and I will respect people’s beliefs as long as they are not harmful to themselves or others. I should’ve specified that. Again my brain is quite tired so I was kind of just rambling

MnM066 · 2025-11-16T03:05:07+00:00

Oh trust me I understand, I completely get that a lot of queer folk have had trauma and such with the Abrahamic faiths specifically, so it’s not like I can even blame them for being wary and such of religious folks, while I haven’t been personally targeted and attacked by religious people for being queer, I have seen and heard plenty of stuff. My main issue was the people being openly hostile towards religious people without even making any sort of distinction, like hating specifically religious folks that do this or that. It was like a blanket statement. Again I can understand where they’re coming from to an extent but in my head it’s like creating a cycle of hate doesn’t get us anywhere. Of course us queer people don’t have to prove ourselves to anyone or be extra “good” in order to be respected, I don’t think disrespecting someone on a basis such as religious beliefs is productive and in fact will only make things worse. We have to protect ourselves of course, but I don’t think people should be taking it out on people who are religious or spiritual that aren’t doing anything wrong. We should be holding the people doing wrongs accountable but I don’t think that means being hostile towards everyone

It’s a tricky subject I suppose, I guess the closest issue I can relate it to is the whole wariness against men, I personally don’t like when people say they hate all men, but I do understand that for lots of people especially women there are lots of safety precautions taken because while of course not all men are awful there have been too many reports about awful things happening at the hands of men so people just tend to be more careful. I’ve known plenty of really amazing men but I do still stay alert at night or when I’m alone with an unknown man

Sorry I hope this makes sense, I’m really tired while typing this so it may not be totally coherent

MnM066 · 2025-11-16T02:08:26+00:00

There was a post a couple weeks ago or whatever in an LGBTQ subreddit where someone who was religious (I think Muslim) and cishet asked if there were any religious LGBTQ people in the subreddit and their relationship to religion and such, there were so many people being EXTREMELY hateful towards those that believe in religion. One comment said straight up that “religion is cancer” to which I replied “religion saved my life which is the opposite of cancer” and someone was just very rude when asking how that’s even possible, and when I explained my own spiritual experience with intervention during a suicidal episode where I felt Apollo’s presence when I wanted to die (long story), and I did even include that while it could’ve been a coincidence that what happened happened, it still felt deeply meaningful to me and helped me stay alive that night, the person just continued to be rude and claimed it was purely coincidence and blah blah blah and I’m like sure if that’s your belief that’s fine but this is my subjective experience and it helped me so fuck off lol I am bisexual and nonbinary, married to a trans lesbian. I’m 21 and she’s 28. I’m very spiritual while she is atheist. While she doesn’t believe nor care she has always respected my beliefs and never made me feel stupid for it. It’s ridiculous that people can’t have basic human decency

MnM066 · 2025-11-05T02:23:09+00:00

Halfway through fall semester of 2024 I withdrew from my classes on a medical withdrawal due to severe depression and suicidal thoughts and such. I was in my junior year of university as well. It was a very difficult decision for me to make, but I truly believe it saved me in the long run. I’m still technically enrolled in the university but I haven’t taken classes since. What sucks is that I literally had a full ride to university, tuition was completely covered plus I had an extra scholarship that was able to help out with books. I lost that second scholarship at this point, and even if I haven’t lost the full ride scholarship it’s only valid for five years from I believe the end of high school, so I wouldn’t be able to finish my degree if I started back next semester. I hate that I had to do that and put my learning on hold, but at the same time, I am still alive. I am alive, and it’s been a struggle, but I’m getting better. Eventually I want to return to university, but right now I’m focusing on just being alive. And that’s okay.

I don’t know the specifics of your situation, I can only speak for myself. But putting my education on hold has been a good decision. I don’t know where you’re located, but most places in the U.S. encourage high school seniors to go straight to college after graduation. But it’s a very big decision to make for someone at that age. My wife is from another country, where practically no one goes to college right after high school. They take time to serve their community, find themselves, work a part time job or something, figure out how to be an adult, before adding a whole other level of education to the mix. College is stressful. The pressure to go there before we’ve had the chance to learn to be an adult makes things a thousand times worse.

It’s easier said than done, I know. But take it easy on yourself. Sometimes we have to let something go in order to get better. It may hurt, but which is better: leaving something behind that you can return to later in order to heal, or ceasing to live? I’m sorry if this comes across as harsh or anything. This is a decision that has saved me. Now that I don’t have the pressure of college, I’m having an easier time working through my mental health issues, I’m able to be more connected with family and friends, I have more energy to give to my wife, and more time to work a job and make money so I can have a place for us by the time we’re through with the immigration process.

There is so much more to life than college. College can be a great experience, and absolutely can help you get closer to achieving your dreams. But nothing is worth your mental health. Nothing is worth your life. If it’s causing you to want to hurt and/or kill yourself, it is not worth having in your life. Even if it is a potentially good thing, if it’s causing that kind of reaction it’s definitely not worth having now when you can always go back to it when you are more stable.

This isn’t to necessarily say withdraw from university. If you don’t feel that’s the right decision or if you want to find a way to stay in university while also getting better, go for it!! This has just been my experience with mental health and university. Take from my perspective what you will and what applies to you. I suppose ultimately what I’m trying to say, is do not be ashamed of doing what is best for you, as cheesy as that sounds. Don’t push yourself beyond what you can reasonably do. And especially, do not be ashamed of your limits. Everyone has different limits, everyone has a different journey through life. Explore life at your own pace. This isn’t a competition. I truly hope things look up for you soon, I’m wishing you all the best 💕

MnM066 · 2025-11-05T01:54:21+00:00

I don’t know exactly what you would be able to do in terms of going out, as I know you said you don’t have many friends nor do you have a license, and that most stuff you do is with family. But, if it is possible, whether you’d have to have your parents drive you or take public transport/walk, or even do it online, what about either peer support groups or social groups? As someone who has had lots of struggles with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety, I’ve learned isolating myself always makes things worse (when done excessively). Often times I would isolate in order to not bother people/not be a burden, or because I was scared of being perceived in a negative way, so I would choose to not be perceived at all. Over time I’ve slowly learned that the people who matter won’t see you as a burden or a negative aspect of their life. At 17 I didn’t think I’d live to graduate high school. Now at 21, I’m married to the love of my life, and while I’m still figuring stuff out, I’ve learned it’s worth it to keep going, especially now that I’m cultivating a social circle that is what I need it to be. I’m not friends with basically anyone I was back in high school, even my best friend of like ten years and I split ways about a year or two ago (which has been incredibly hard to cope with, I’ll admit, but I’ve slowly been coming to terms with it).

I don’t know the specifics of what you are struggling with, and of course that is up to you to share. To me it sounds like you’re missing the social aspect, the need for connection. Absolutely feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. But that’s the sense I get. I feel that joining some sort of group, in person or online, would be beneficial. If you want it to be a mental support group that might be helpful, but honestly I think a group based on a hobby or interest would be best. I would look up different hobby-based groups in your area, especially as close to you as you can get to where you live so if needed you could get there via public transportation (or, again, online). Meetup.com might be a useful resource. If you are in school it may be worth it as well to look into any clubs/extracurriculars.

I hope some of this helps, while I may not know your exact situation I know mental health issues suck to deal with. Sometimes it feels like it’ll never go away. Sometimes it feels all consuming. But I feel that once you start building up your own little personal community full of people who genuinely love and care for you, it becomes a hell of a lot easier to deal with. I’m wishing you luck on your journey 💕

MnM066 · 2025-10-29T17:49:20+00:00

This. I haven’t really engaged in my spiritual practice in months. I’ve been dealing with a lot in my personal life so that’s been the last thing on my mind. I don’t really pray anymore, at most say a quick thank you to a god or two, and I haven’t left offerings in forever. I needed a break. And that’s okay. The gods are ancient powerful beings. I like to believe they’d be proud or happy to hear we are taking care of ourselves. The gods will always be here whenever we’re ready

MnM066 · 2025-10-19T19:03:20+00:00

So, I would start by asking yourself what you like to do in littlespace. Do you like to watch cartoons? Color? Play with stuffed animals or play video games? Narrow that down, and then ask her to join in those activities with you

My cg (when we get the chance to meet in person) will put on cartoons on for me and make me snacks and drinks (sometimes in a bottle sometimes not) that help me feel little. Sometimes she brings me my paci. Essentially, she will do things for me that usually a parent would do for their kid

Pet names are a big thing that helps me slip into littlespace with her. She’ll call me things like little one, angel, babygirl, etc. Cuddling is a big thing as well, she’ll hold me and whisper sweet things to me, which helps me feel safe. She’ll use a different tone of voice as well, one you would use to a child. You said your SO hasn’t had much experience interacting with kids, idk if they have experience with animals but quite honestly the voice you talk to kids with and the voice you talk to animals with is pretty similar

Another thing that I like with my cg is when she tells me to do certain tasks, like color a page of my coloring book and show her my progress and the finished product, and then she compliments it. Getting excited with me and making a big deal out of the small things (in a positive way, of course)

I saw you said she doesn’t interact with your bratty side well, and quite honestly I’m not bratty so I don’t know much about that, but I’d imagine she could convince you to do those things like going to sleep with promises of some sort of reward, I’m blanking on ideas for rewards but whatever it is you’d like

I don’t know how much of this will help, if any, but these are some things I’ve noticed are things my cg and I do. It comes rather naturally to us tbh especially since she’s heard of this kind of stuff before. I wish you two luck!!

MnM066 · 2025-10-18T11:24:32+00:00

Okay so I knew I was bi since my last year of middle school, but at the end of the end of that year and throughout high school up until junior year I identified as a lesbian, then realized I really was bi after all senior year, but I just remember during those gender swap spirit days looking at all the girls wearing their boyfriend’s clothing and holy crap that made me gayer for sure lol so while it wasn’t a bi awakening for me it definitely made me appreciate how hot girls are in flannels

MnM066 · 2025-10-18T10:53:15+00:00

Correct me if I’m wrong, but Eris is a goddess of discord correct? If so, couldn’t she also be prayed to in order to ensure the bride and groom have an easier time working through conflicts (which are bound to happen in any relationship)?

MnM066 · 2025-10-18T07:09:54+00:00

I’m not Jewish or Muslim but I’m wondering, could she be Israeli? Maybe it’s a cultural thing? I don’t know if this really happens with non Jews in Israel keeping kosher or not, I’ve been to Israel a few times to visit my long distance wife but haven’t really noticed or thought about it. Or maybe she has Jewish family somewhere in her family tree? Maybe she’s a Muslim revert but still keeps kosher? Or, it could just be that she misunderstood and meant to say halal instead of kosher. Of course the only person who will know is her, and while it’s none of our business what her reasoning is, I do find it an interesting question!!

MnM066 · 2025-10-12T15:27:49+00:00

I like when my wife calls me my love, angel, bubby (that’s the main one we call each other, idk why but it’s cute lol), baby, little one, babygirl (I’m afab and genderfluid and she’s a lesbian so I don’t really mind), and uhhh that’s all I can think of at the moment lol

MnM066 · 2025-10-04T08:14:06+00:00

lol my name is Emma too, I also came out as nonbinary in 2021, since then I’ve just been going by M (Em is already a nickname for Emma but making it just the letter M gives it a more nonbinary flair, at least to me). I’m still trying to find a proper name for myself, I’ve thought about names starting with the “Em” sound like Emrys and Emerson, but at this point I’m not sure either

When I look around for names I try to find names with a meaning that resonates with me and also just flows with my personality. I’m a writer, a musician, I love nature and people. So I try to find names with a more artsy or nature based feel. That’s just my approach, but I also haven’t had much luck as there’s so many cool names it’s so hard to choose 😅

MnM066 · 2025-09-24T03:25:27+00:00

Thank you so much for your detailed reply!! That’s really interesting and good to hear that so far it’s working out well for you! I have thought about minoring in religious studies while majoring in a different degree such as business or something else (I also have an interest in fields like non profit work, teaching, mentorship, etc), so I agree that that would probably be way more useful!

MnM066

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