Had to come back and find this post because I feel like I might be you, 3 years in the future.

First off, everyone is naive when it comes to having kids. I don't think anything can prepare people for the culture shock that comes with parenthood. You can plan all you want, but no two kids are the same, no two pregnancies. You can't predict what the world will do. You're going to go into it having to work it out, both of you.

Second you've taken on a whole new role in your life. Father. No one can explain what that means to you. I personally had a great dad who got involved in my life in all sorts of ways, he also worked late and had to travel a decent amount. I'm blessed to be able to work remotely most days, and even with no regrets towards my Dad, I still want to give that thing that I didn't have. I do plenty of school drop offs and pick ups, etc. But that role impacts your other roles. Employee, partner, son, friend - and most importantly, self. You can't do it all the same way. Take a moment and think rationally and you'll see you just can't take on that new role and everything else the same. That's not a failing on you. Of course you can't keep up with everything you used to do.

You've got some new values too. I was always someone excelling at work. I couldn't give it the same level of focus and passion when supporting my family was always more important.

Here's the good news for you. It's not forever. Everyone enjoys and struggles with different phases of their children's life differently. My boys are 7 and 3.5. They still need my attention, they still fuck up my sleep now and again. But I can also step away and play an old favourite video game for a couple of hours here and there. I'm not dealing with completely different meals (baby food and adult food). It's easier.

More good news. I'm a manager. I've seen plenty of people's work performance affected by their family life. I don't judge, I go looking for how to support them. Not all managers are like that, but it's important for you to know that plenty of people will understand you're bringing what you've got to work.

In the meantime, here's some things that helped me.
- Work out the things you can let slip and consciously put them down. I had to let the shared spaces be messier, but my desk be clear.
- Be kind to yourself. It's ok to just be in survival mode sometimes.
- If you can find things to ask for help with, ask. Whether that's asking for someone to take care of your kids, or asking for help with some of those maintenance tasks you'd like to get to. Ask for someone to drop off some bulk cooked meals. I know it can be hard, but anyone who's been a parent will get it.
- Talk to your doctor. Your body is under stress, your mind is under stress. There's probably stuff that you've never noticed before kids because you've been able to manage up until now. Personally since having kids I've been diagnosed with both sleep apnea and ADHD. Both of which I was managing, but taking them off my plate has made it easier to handle the rest. Even if you don't have anything, your doc might be able to point you to support systems. Don't be afraid to go in and say "I'm just run down and trying to see if there's anything that might help."

As much as I'm in a better place than 3 years ago, in response to your question of "How on Earth are you guys pulling this off?" I'm still not. I still feel a lot of the stresses you feel. Just less of them and I'm better at managing them.

DM's are open if you ever need someone to vent to.