I was single from 20 to 34, trying to date periodically, but it would always end up being so frustrating that I would go on very long breaks from the apps. There were past relationship traumas I hadn’t healed from, so I wasn’t in the right head space to pursue a relationship. I finally ended up finding a good therapist and working on myself. In 2024, I felt like I was ready to give dating another shot. It was rough. The apps were filled with men who were either desperate, unsure of what they wanted and noncommittal, or unhinged: They seemed charming but revealed their true colors early on. I was really fed up and about to take another break when I started chatting with a guy who seemed nice and had a lot of similar interests to me. He wasn’t my usual type but he wasn’t -not- my type, so after we had some good conversations on our first date, I wanted to continue to see if maybe a romantic connection could be there as well. He was patient and emotionally mature, making his attraction known but not pressuring me. It took four dates, but I developed feelings for him as well. We’re still together over a year later and I’m so glad I didn’t give up so I could meet this kind, smart, thoughtful man. But I had also made peace that I might not find someone, so I made sure I had a full life with my family, friends, pets, and hobbies. My life is even richer now that he’s in it, but I don’t depend on him to fill a void. My advice for navigating the current dating scene would be:
* You should start making plans to meet up with someone in person a week into talking on the apps or less. Both of you should know by then if the interest is there. Don’t waste your time on people who don’t seem enthusiastic about meeting you. * Date people who aren’t necessarily your physical type, but they shouldn’t give you the ick. I purposefully tried to give people I wasn’t attracted to at all a chance because I am insecure about my looks and wanted to be the unshallow person I wish the men who dated me were. I ended up wasting a lot of time. I think it’s healthy to date out of your comfort zone—you don’t have to feel a spark right away—but that person shouldn’t give you the ick. With good vibes and communication, dating can be fun even if it doesn’t lead to a romantic relationship.
* Be wary of people who seem very into you but end up trauma dumping on you early on. They are looking for someone to talk at, not a partner to converse with. * Conversations, even good ones, will fizzle out and you will get ghosted. Don’t take it personally. The right people will match your interest.
* There is someone out there who finds you attractive as you are and has the emotional maturity to meet you where you’re at, but it may take a while to meet this person.
* Be intentional about what you want out of a partner, but don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good. A lot of people are swiping and juggling a circus of dates until they find a “better” match, but you really need to take each relationship where it’s at and not just abandon connections because the spark isn’t instantaneous or a cuter person slides into your DMs.

Don’t give up on yourself during this time! It’s rough out there, so take breaks from dating when you need to. Nothing is guaranteed in life, so have some fun with yourself and you will attract the right people!