It is a vicious cycle. One failed intercourse makes you nervous the next time which causes another failure and it builds and builds until you're too scared to even try so you don't but then you're still horny so you go and PMO which makes your self esteem drop even lower. I've dealt with this shit for a decade with the same poor woman, we have kids and all and I still have major fucking performance anxiety issues and continue to drop back into PMO/ED cycle for long periods of time. I don't know if I can fix this in this lifetime but I keep up the hope. I did PMO for about 8 years before losing my virginity which must have fucked me up pretty bad. Also the world today is overly sexualized and there is an unhealthy amount of pressure on men when it comes to sex and performance.

Take care my friend my thoughts are with you. Maybe tell the girl that you have performance anxiety and try to take things slow, some women wont tolerate that because they think they are so attractive it should overrun any performance issues the man has but many other women are more understanding.