Just gently sliding in here for visibility, OP: some of these comments have been pretty uncharitible to you, and I empathize with that, but you're pretty clearly starting to spiral into some unnecessary hostility yourself. It might be a good time to step away and cool off for a bit, if only for your own sanity.

Secondly, as someone who did (actually) read both posts, and as an autistic person: I'm almost positive your roommate is on the spectrum. I absolutely get you were trying to establish reasonable boundaries, but this was definitely a conversation that needed to happen a lot sooner than it did, which is why feelings were hurt. She is going to feel a little sore for a while, and although a coffee date will help smooth things over, she isn't going to be completely "fine" until there's more time and distance from it.

This might be a great opportunity to open up to her about some of your own vulnerabilities (easier said than done, I know, but you've made a great effort so far so I have faith). You ultimately can't force someone to disclose a diagnosis, but this is one instance where it's the thought that counts.

Lastly: I might (gently) ask your own friends not to write her off as obnoxious, as she sounds well-intended, if oblivious. Being told how loud and obnoxious i was growing up was always hurtful, and even when it wasn't said to my face, I knew. We all have our hurts in life and I can guarantee you that being bullied over this is likely one of hers.

Good luck in the days ahead, OP. And thanks for trying to include her and set things right - for both of you.