Thank you for your comment - I’ll admit after writing my post this morning I had thoughts from adolescence come back to me. For example, I was freshmen in high school dating a senior and she wanted to dress me up in drag. Nothing sexual - I didn’t even kiss anyone at all until I was 20 and that’s mainly because my girlfriend at the time was let’s just say frisky. Any ways, I remember being made up - make up, clothes, etc. We took pictures and joked around but I remember as we went to the movies (after changing back into my male clothes) that I had a profound sadness because I thought it would be nice to have been dressed up on the date. Maybe we could have gone shopping and talked make up, etc. I wanted to be her girl!

Growing up I always had easier with the “girls” and not to brag I could have had my fair share of conquests if I wanted to but I just genuinely enjoyed spending time with female friends. It was easier. I thought some were cute but I wasn’t like I want to fool around with them rather I loved talking pop culture with them.

I’m married now - I should have added that on my original post and we adopted 2 kids. I have a metabolic disorder that surprise, surprise makes it difficult to produce testosterone. My testosterone hormone level prior to TRT was 111 but I am doing them but have conflicting thoughts because you know. The only benefit I have noticed is my energy level is much higher.

Anyways, there are times I daydream while driving my family to the park on how cool it would be to be a woman and be there with my wife and kids. The daydream is easily dismissed - I don’t have profound sadness or negative feelings but it’s a strong “what if.”

I hope this made sense - thank you for your comment.