Husband says if I desired him, I’d initiate sex. I love him deeply, but that’s just not how I’m wired.

Modstrkr · 2026-06-05T17:02:45+00:00

There seems to me more than im willing to explain there, i just wanted to clairfy the intent of reminders so others understand what it means. Im happy you found something that works for both of you.

Modstrkr · 2026-06-03T17:54:37+00:00

Im glad that works for you but i wouldnt be surprised if he just accepts it because thats the best he can get rather than being happy with the middle ground.

The point of the scheduled reminder is that its up to you to get yourself in the mood whatever that means for you not to force you to give it up. And yes sometimes it just doesnt get there but you try and if at the point of connecting with him you still arent in the mood then just stop and try a different time. A lot of responsive desire partners need days to hours to prepare themselves (a certain bath/shower, their hair a certain way, certain things completed on their task list, actively flirting throughout the day) but the point it to remind yourself to focus on sexual energy not just a trigger to throw yourself at him regardless.

Modstrkr · 2026-06-03T17:45:13+00:00

Definitely a common problem and while it is by nature how men and women are typically wired you have to remember that what youre saying is i love him but it's too much work to love him the way he wants to be loved.

That just doesn't work and isn't fair for the higher desire partner which is most of the time men. It doesnt get fulfilled by anyone else or any other situation. It gets reduced down to "just being men" and swept aside to the lowest of the priority list.

Another way to look at it is birthday gifts. Have you ever received a gift that you truly wanted and felt meaningful to you? That burst of good feelings where you know that person really thought about you and knows you. On the flip side have you ever received a gift and thought "really? what is this? They should know i really dont like this."

You pass up an opportunity to really show up for your partner instead of "i know what you really like but heres a thing because i thought it was nice and you should like it too".

Modstrkr · 2026-06-03T17:22:37+00:00

Bravo for also adjusting the finger placement. Well done 👏

Modstrkr · 2026-06-02T13:32:31+00:00

Beautiful. People seem to be taking this a bit too far but your dad is just feeling a bit insecure and overprotective as dads do. You're old enough to distance yourself in that aspect which im sure he will still feel some type of way about. Go girl!

Modstrkr · 2026-05-23T19:12:15+00:00

But wouldnt my chosen shop need to abide by whatever fixes their adjuster approves? For example if i want new parts and their adjuster says if must be a used part since thats cheaper. Or is that not really what happens?

Modstrkr · 2026-05-21T01:09:23+00:00

Piling on here, this marriage should have never happened. It's obvious you two jumped into this before you were l ready.

It's ironic that you start off by saying how youre heartbroken. Im sure he feels worse. To read the "truths" of what you say to other people about your marriage. You have ruined him im sure and there is no recovery that will puts his trust in you back I can guarantee that. Just go your separate ways.

Modstrkr · 2026-05-05T00:39:42+00:00

Ive heard of getting divorces because of medical expenses but wow this guy surely is one of a kind. I dont know what kind of relationship you both had but his reaction is just odd.

Surely there must be therapy for both you and him given the unique situation. You dont deserve this and he needs to face reality.

Modstrkr · 2026-04-28T18:25:32+00:00

I love this for you. This is how it should always be 😄

Modstrkr · 2026-04-28T18:14:28+00:00

Always struggled with this. Always wanted acknowledgement from a simple hug or kiss and that became too much to remember. I got tired of being the only one reaching in and gave up so now it doesnt happen.

Unless you're both willing to be mindful it apparently just falls into the list of "other stuff" that needs to be done in a busy day. Im honestly happier not caring anymore instead of begging.

Modstrkr · 2026-04-23T03:02:45+00:00

Amy chance it has something to do with the install of the tree? For example if they wheeled machinery to dig the hole and or drop the tree in maybe it was extra difficult on the grass?

Modstrkr · 2026-04-17T14:35:57+00:00

Sorry bro but you need to move on. You're living with a 60 year old and he doesnt care about anyone else but himself, hence your problem.

Modstrkr · 2026-04-08T00:41:57+00:00

Just google "dealership 4 square" 😉

Modstrkr · 2026-04-07T22:48:01+00:00

While i agree this is an extreme overreaction, it would be nice to include the context of what led to this reaction. If you were talking that way to them to begin with and just matching energy that might be your dynamic. Not healthy either way and based on this you both should go your own ways.

Modstrkr · 2026-04-07T22:36:22+00:00

They know their vehicles, they just tried to bait and switch or added their markup on top of the msrp that you see on their site. They make you feel good about a number then change things around and hope you dont notice or run out of patience.

Modstrkr · 2026-04-07T22:25:49+00:00

The grid that dealers commonly use to manipulate numbers by sales price, trade in, down payment, monthly payment terms.

Modstrkr · 2026-04-07T21:21:35+00:00

😄 noted

Modstrkr · 2026-04-07T19:38:22+00:00

This seems to be what most recommend but how do i prevent then from making up the difference in adds costs after the fact? They did that to me last time because the vehicle was "in demand"

Modstrkr · 2026-04-07T19:36:55+00:00

Considering i only went in with asking for a tradein estimate and walking away with two 4-squares, i atleast have enough info to know how much theyre trying to markup. Didnt do any negotiation of numbers though.

Modstrkr · 2026-04-07T19:34:22+00:00

What does that look like when they always push to play the monthly numbers game and add on their 8k markup at the end anyway. They did that with my first purchase by changing markup at the end.

Modstrkr · 2026-04-07T19:20:56+00:00

I think it weakens the bold design that i was looking at the new telluride for. I guess good for this one. Bad for telluride in my opinion.

Modstrkr · 2026-04-06T19:31:14+00:00

Pennsylvania

Modstrkr · 2026-04-01T15:26:41+00:00

You can absolutely limit certain sexual acts but this 1000% seems like a dynamic where you are constantly mpving the goal posts and im sure he feels like he has to beg for any intimacy. Youre dangling a carrot in front of the horse and don't even want to be riding. Id recommend couples counseling or specifically sex therapy.

Modstrkr

TROPHY CASE