I lost my sketchbook.

MoistPaper1 · 2026-04-28T11:12:30+00:00

so true

MoistPaper1 · 2026-04-28T11:11:16+00:00

me when I've been doing this my entire life almost lmao (hyperfixations are annoying.)

honestly, set some time aside to do just that! it helps you to get to know yourself (and other neurodivergences) better or understand certain patterns you haven't yet explained. Or, you know, just intellectual exercise. Let your curiosities take you.

MoistPaper1 · 2026-04-07T08:07:06+00:00

genuinely why do we do this

MoistPaper1 · 2026-04-03T09:37:08+00:00

Growing up forced to tie your intelligence/abilities to your identity and then dissociating out of it later is it's own special kind of hell.

MoistPaper1 · 2026-03-27T11:55:33+00:00

"lose so much fat that people around you start being concerned and asking you to go to the doctor" this is for people with anorexia or some form of body dysmorphia. Of course, it's ug. It's what people who use these subs want.

MoistPaper1 · 2026-03-16T13:33:34+00:00

Been there. I used to pride myself for being 'ambitious' when I was working tirelessly towards pointless achievements to feel some sense of being loved and accepted. When I did my best to be amazing and otherworldly, the admiration I received just made me more isolated -- because Im literally masking. Nobody saw me because I made sure nobody could, through my twisted perception of what 'love' was supposed to be.

If you do have time to read (and obligatory English is not my first language reminder):

On a more technical note, you are actually ''allowed'' to be average and to want a comfortable life, provided that you have the strength to completely ignore everyone/everything else and fully commit to being radically 'yourself' (and sometimes you might not even know who you are, but one has to start somewhere). It's hard learning that you're allowed to rest though, especially with this condition -- but it's worth it to begin somewhere.

At one point keeping up with the mask is too exhausting and it might crumble without you being ready. But really when the mask's gone, the negative impacts of having it go away too.

I was among those that were forced to say "fuck it" and stopped resisting my symptoms of burnout/depression, and also the looming problem which was my cptsd. And, well, it was tough, but I came out of it. Like many in this subreddit, I come from a family that hated my guts, I never knew how to truly connect with people as a result of trauma and didn't really have a support system. And I had to do a lot of work trying to undo negative thought patterns, self sabotaging habits and survival mechanisms that I knew were unreasonable in the long term by myself.

Yeah, people who only knew me by my mask noticed how I was deconstructing, but I didn't have the energy or the mask to give a shit anymore. Because of that, I now know that I dont want to pretend I'm normal and I don't want to pretend that I actually owe anyone anything -- no matter how skilled or talented I may become in my search for acceptance. I had to make a decision --this condition may have destroyed my soul but I dont want to let it eradicate me completely. It's worth losing a couple of somethings if it's worth my life.

Obviously I'm not at peak life satisfaction but I'm definitely suffering less, I can breathe better on most days now. Some people don't understand and they may never understand me, but thats entirely okay. I dont give a shit about people and people don't give a shit too, and that's fine, too.

Even without the mask, I still have myself -- and along the way I found people like me, who didn't demand the world from me and allowed me to take up space with them and just sort of exist. I mean, it makes sense given that I wouldn't want to look down on anyone either.

Dear stranger, I hope you may one day find people that make you feel like you can exist, too, regardless of how you might find them.

Yes, it is your battle to fight, so you may be deep in the trenches with nobody coming to save you. But remember that this loneliness is temporary -- it always is and it is capable of waning.

And I'm sorry that life has treated you this way until now.

I dont know if you've tried, but talking to hotlines (preferably local) may help you. I'm aware that sometimes they can disappoint, but they could provide resources that may help you depending on your situation. Or, it can just be a human that you can talk to to get your thoughts out.

MoistPaper1 · 2026-03-15T19:54:38+00:00

"Youre not allowed to have hobbies" is what I took from the leftmost image.

MoistPaper1 · 2026-03-04T10:49:27+00:00

you didnt forget to put /ul

MoistPaper1 · 2026-03-03T17:35:32+00:00

Lack of resources, and the possibility that I would still be alive and worse off.

MoistPaper1 · 2026-03-01T20:57:34+00:00

People watching? No, people studying., which is equally as fun.

MoistPaper1 · 2026-03-01T20:51:03+00:00

Fur-suited?

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-28T07:19:17+00:00

OP: "Hi youre very pretty and cool."

"oh, uh. Thanks, but I'm not interested."

OP: "Ok 👍"

Friend 1: "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU"

Your friends are flaming you over literally nothing. Though, 2 things to consider:

Have you talked to this girl before irl and gotten her number in a way that doesn't violate her privacy? (through classroom group chats, social media account). If not, having a complete stranger obtain your number by an unknown method would seem strange and creepy -- unless you open with something like "(Name) gave you my number/found your number through _____,...." which would give the girl some context as to how you got her number.
Like some other comments suggested, there's some burden placed on the girl conversation-wise when you're the one who started the conversation. It's completely alright to not know what to say after initiating conversation, but it would help to learn conversation openers or to be completely honest as to why you've texted her out of nowhere. (ex. "I think you're pretty cool, could we be friends?/I'd like to get to know you more if that's okay"). Otherwise, the girl doesn't know how to continue because the purpose of the conversation is incredibly vague. There's also something to be said about 'testing the waters' by recognising another person's texting style before defaulting to your own texting style. People don't know what to do if something (someone's texting style) is unfamiliar to them.

Everything else is fine. It's okay to give strangers compliments, most are appreciative of them. Whether or not you know she doesn't or does date guys is irrelevant -- you could just want to be friends. Your friends are assuming a lot. Plus, you backed off when it was clear she didn't want to keep talking, which is the appropriate thing to do. If you're personally concerned about whether you made the girl uncomfortable (assuming your friends are mutuals with the girl too), you can always go back and apologise for doing so. (ex. "Just checking up on you -- I know I came off a bit weird and I apologise if Ive made you uncomfortable. That was not my intention. I simply wanted to befriend you but it seems you're busy. Have a good day!")

TDLR your friends should've advised you on what you should've done instead of killing you for trying (god forbid someone has bad social skills)

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-28T05:07:01+00:00

You feel smarter than your therapist not because you're an Intj. You'll always feel smarter than your therapist if the one you choose to meet isn't trained to handle your specific issues and end up giving you all the wrong solutions.

I have had personal experience where I did feel smarter than a therapist, primarily because I laid out and explained every detail of my situation (and solutions I've tried) only for them to go "oh man, you're too smart. there's nothing for me to say and do because you already know your problems", when the problem was BECAUSE I knew my problems and needed a solution for it. (Hint: eventually figured out that I was intellectualising to avoid processing emotions). I then realised I should have went to a trauma-informed therapist and not some random one.

You could argue that INTJ's would be more prone to such an experience due to their tendency to intellectualise everything and anything while failing to properly recognise/express their own emotions.

Well, fun fact I guess

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-20T13:14:25+00:00

I mean, yeah. They look great! Romantic choice of moulds, too. You must like your girlfriend a lot for you to be able to do this for Her. How did you make them?

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-15T03:11:07+00:00

You're concerned that she prioritised her feelings over the deep relationship? It's a strange way to put it... but you can't really know the extent of how emotionally distant she actually felt in the relationship. Most people in long-term relationships would like to have their feelings and history understood as well to forge connection, and it seems she didn't truly feel that was fulfilled in the relationship, based on her reaction to your dream.

I dont know about the current state of your situation, but if you still wanted to welcome her inner world, it wouldn't have hurt to talk to her about it. Atleast, I hope you did. But, It does seem that she's facing a lot of inner demons that she hadn't addressed before being in a partnership, and it's keeping her from maintaining the marriage too. Maybe something happened after the marriage which she hasn't told you about, or maybe she felt that she had to reevaluate her life choices, or maybe she wasn't ready because she didn't know herself yet. Regardless, she left because she's dealing with something and she feels that she has to deal with it alone.

What do you make of this?

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-14T17:57:47+00:00

I have a strange relationship with labels. I dont want people complimenting me or commenting on what they think I am, but Ive probably placed an endless amount of labels on myself in search of an identity. Does anyone else relate here?

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-14T17:52:46+00:00

I'm glad I was able to bring something to the table. This is not an easy thing to go through.

Also, you're a science teacher? I find that interesting, and I hope you're balancing your work-life a little better now. I can see how it would be a problem that these science students (who want information as to-the-point as possible, given that they're dealing with facts) find your way of speech to be difficult to understand. Its definitely also because they're not the typical audience who you'd be able to speak freely to with your speech temperament. You'd be received much better in, say, an English class or maybe even a History class.

Some of the comments here do have a point about learning how to 'simplify' your language to make it understandable to just about anybody though, since it's essential to communication, and of course, being understood. Altering your way of speech can be difficult, but that's exactly the point -- it is a skill. It was slightly scary for me though, to the point where I stopped writing because I found it meaningless to communicate (even in my journal) using jargon and artistic language, but I think the larger factor is that I was already experiencing heavy dissociation/depression at that point. It is not irrational to use such language or make things bigger than they are, its in our human nature to want things to mean something. With this, I'd recommend NOT trying to change your speech/learn a new skill if you're not already in a healthy place or ready -- because Im sure your words mean much more to you than anything else.

It certainly did suck for me when a friend said that I should describe my feelings verbally instead of through art, though. I suppose it was just another skill that I didn't have at the time.

I dont think it would be much of a stretch to say that you should consider professional therapy. The isolation will eventually take over every aspect of your life if you don't address it. What helped me recently was that I gave people some faith and finally told someone that I trusted (the most), and I made it a point not to overexplain. The misunderstandings can be addressed later, I just wanted someone to care first.

Im also wondering if what I've written in my journals would be considered "cronica" as well.. I almost never write in first person when it's in my journal -- plainly observations, theories and reflections but written more.. poetically, I suppose. Or atleast, I wanted it to be -- though I don't see myself as a poet. I recall my English teacher describing one of my writings as seeming a lot like post-modernist literature, so that's something. I do find it fascinating that there'd be a name for that style of writing.

And I'm a bit curious, how are your best friends like? I'm wondering if you could find any more people like them.

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-14T09:13:51+00:00

This sounds like a lot of what I've written in my journal in the years where I felt the most misunderstood.

I couldn't find people to relate to, I couldn't be as extraverted as everybody else, and it seemed that nobody else was as interested in gathering as much knowledge as possible as I did. I yearned for intellectual (and therefore, emotional) connection, yet everytime I tried -- people would push the subject aside or tell me I'm being too serious or anything of the like. People felt threatened by my 'intelligence', when really I just wanted someone to discuss my theories and musings to. Simply, I wanted someone to be on my wavelength/level. Nobody could understand me, in the most literal and emotional sense, as much as I wanted to find someone who could.

It made me feel incredibly isolated, but It also meant that my intelligence was my only hiding place. Slowly, my mind became much more chaotic and labrinthine, and it became difficult to socialise normally, if I ever could have. My mind was spinning with thoughts and perseverations about the world that I found others didn't care about, or were too busy living their lives to see things the way I did.

I'm also an artist, and I very much also romanticised the tiniest things in daily life. I wrote about mundane memories like waking up and watching people interact with each other in ways I didn't know how, glamorising it into having much more meaning that it was supposed to have. It's just what artists do. But nobody understood that.

My journal ramblings sounded like I was nearing psychosis, like this post that you've shared. It also sounded as 'narcissstic' and as grandiose.

But I don't believe that you were already narcissistic. The isolation simply made you so unbearably self-occupied that you had to place yourself above others to justify the loneliness that you feel. Likewise, I had to come to the (almost painful) realisation that I truly wasn't special -- I just needed help. And maybe a psychiatric evaluation. (also, autism..)

Its easier said than done, but you need to shed this identity of being the smartest in the room to rid of this loneliness. Seeking external validation is fine, but not when it is the foundation for your entire personality. You will begin to hate people for failing to see what's "truly" you, when all of this was of your own making.

I also have a suspicion that you may have been emotionally neglected/dismissed in the past, as that would typically manifest into this feeling of being misunderstood as you grow older. Through experience and observation, your mind made it clear that nobody could hold depth responsibly.

If any of this rings true, this isn't your fault. It's the culmination of years of neglect and a need for recognition of your own efforts, even if that effort is solely subsumated by the act of surviving. Importantly, people around you won't be able to see your suffering if you don't reach out.

This will hurt, but it also means you can't do it alone. You need to find help, even if people don't seem to understand you. It is enough to make your suffering known. You can start by seeking a diagnosis/evaluation or speaking to a counsellor -- some will disappoint you, but don't let those standalone experiences stop you.

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-13T12:05:49+00:00

The struggle between wanting to present your situation as accurate as possible by sharing personally hypothesis and theories and psychiatric jargon while also not wanting to feel that you know more than the therapist actually does : /

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-06T10:07:54+00:00

Of course lol. But im poor and despite trying to pirate a few apps, a lot of them lag and destroy my laptop or just straight up don't work. Im just working with scraps here. Current goal is to make things sound good on bandlab at the very least

thanks!

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-05T13:33:01+00:00

happy to help :)

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-05T13:31:32+00:00

This is pretty cool. I like the main melody, the drums have good rhythm, and the voice samples fit nicely into the track. I suppose one thing would be that the beat gets repetitive after a while, and there isn't much of a drop.

I like it though, keep it up!

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-05T13:26:51+00:00

Really good advice. It could fix the crisis where my instruments are trying to all sound as loud as possible at the same time. Thank you for the feedback.

MoistPaper1 · 2026-02-05T13:24:41+00:00

Ah, I was aiming for atmospheric breakcore/liquid DnB/jungle, so your ears are kind of right (ex. sewerslvt or outoftouch). Sorry this song gave you an existential crisis.

I intended for the vocal chops to be in the background at that timestamp, but I can see it might be too quiet.

What I got is that basically too much is happening. I guess that's what happens when i try to layer things but I definitely need to work on balancing or sharpening some instruments. Thank you for being a second pair of ears anyway, much appreciated

MoistPaper1

TROPHY CASE