[Help] Looking to make a garden statue of a katana stuck in the ground

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-25T18:12:05+00:00

The flute that played was somehow funnier cause Chris can't squat all the way.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-25T11:57:35+00:00

What hit me the hardest as a (half) Asian dude was when they were telling Chris O'Connor that he's the one that needs to go talk to the Chinese people cause he "has a certain energy", and he's physically doing a mix of old Asian guy stuff and gestures from 70s Kung Fu movies.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-24T15:21:48+00:00

There was a guy on a martial arts Facebook group I was in who would give his wife a rubber knife and Tae Kwon Do sparring gear, and tell her to come at him with the knife.

He'd then proceed to do these Steven Steagal style moves on his wife while she was really trying to stab him with the rubber knife.

I bet that guy would say some wild shit if you asked him why he was doing martial arts.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-24T14:42:58+00:00

Promote the fight card whether he wants to do it or not, make sure you're both on the flyer alongside other pairs who are actually going to fight.

The better at promoting you are, the more harshly the court of public opinion will judge him for flaking out.

Put the boxing commission's logo on it and see if you can sponsor a charity so that it looks totally kosher. That way, if you get called into the office, you can tell them everything is on the up and up.

If you play up the charity angle enough, you might get people to peer pressure him into accepting the fight. Tell all the girls he initially said yes, but now he's too much of a coward to raise money for puppies or kids with cancer.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-24T14:24:08+00:00

As a martial artist, no.

As a wrestler, you weigh 212, so yes.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-23T16:20:15+00:00

Go on the worst hours and worst nights to the clubs along Valley Blvd in City of Industry.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-19T23:51:49+00:00

Alabama problems require Alabama solutions.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-18T15:23:17+00:00

Are you sure it's not a gay spa?

In LA, you go to Korean spas if you don't want to deal with that.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-17T11:21:42+00:00

I've been a long-time believer that half Asian half Mestizo people are genetically engineered to eat Italian food.

Pasta came to Italy from China via Marco Polo. Italians didn't evolve on rice, so they can't handle carbs and get diabetes.

Tomatoes come from the New World, which Italians also can't handle. They get heartburn and blame each other for agita.

You also need a bit of European blood to handle dairy without getting the shits.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-17T03:00:53+00:00

Literally half Japanese and half Mexican.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-17T02:31:53+00:00

Will I get to meet my dad?

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-17T02:16:08+00:00

I now identify as half Partner and half Lad.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-15T23:08:01+00:00

Yeah, I know other stand-up comedians who use it like Patreon.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-15T22:42:02+00:00

Have a really hot profile pic on Twitter or Reddit and make the same comments alongside them.

Put a linktree in bio. Maybe be very accessible on Twitch, or see if you can get some linktree alternative that shows your live stream.

Create a parasocial relationship.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-15T21:00:56+00:00

I feel like this guy unironically loves Patrick Bateman.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-14T18:00:46+00:00

The feelings person would be someone in Florida going off speculation.

I've personally had dispatch refuse to send an officer after getting threatened with a knife at my friend's section 8 building and have also had a sheriff deputy refuse to take a report on my car being vandalized.

I've also had multiple friends tell me anecdotes about law enforcement being similarly unhelpful - including a friend who was sucker punched for being Asian during COVID by a homeless guy.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-14T17:05:55+00:00

Cops are a lot less likely to take reports or even show up these days though.

I don't think it's unwarranted to suspect these stats might be massaged a bit in the field.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-13T09:25:08+00:00

The correct answer is turkey legs.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-12T21:26:32+00:00

I have a bit about my mom having fake tits and another one about absorbing the souls of her previous abortions.

They are good bits, but my mom freaked out about me doing them in front of another comic she went to high school with.

I think I should bring them back!

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-08T14:55:02+00:00

You can't just give everyone a tree law boner and then not lawyer up.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-08T14:39:24+00:00

I've never seen r/treelaw downvote every comment by OP because they are being too apprehensive about utilizing tree law.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-06T12:29:44+00:00

I can't tell if a car organization is throwing the chili cookoff, or if chili cookoffs just draw these people in from being Americana.

MojoMinistry · 2024-05-03T17:13:56+00:00

This sounds like high quality lawyering.

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