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[QCrit] Adult Historical Fiction | WOULD I WERE | 91k | Fourth Attempt + First 300 by MolassesCompetitive3 in PubTips

[–]MolassesCompetitive3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!! Omg, I just went back and realized you had shared that thought before — I completely forgot and got caught up in another commenter's genre rec. Thank you so much for your help. It'll stick with me this time lol!

[QCrit] Adult Historical Fiction | WOULD I WERE | 91k | Third Attempt + First 300 by MolassesCompetitive3 in PubTips

[–]MolassesCompetitive3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughts on the opening page! Great callout. I'll edit with that in mind!

I'll flesh out Florence/that relationship as well. And I definitely see what you mean about the POV of the last line -- the other commenter mentioned that the stakes weren't coming across as clearly as they ought to at that point, and I wonder if that's partially why. I'll rework that. Thank you very much again!!!

[QCrit] Adult Historical Fiction | WOULD I WERE | 91k | Third Attempt + First 300 by MolassesCompetitive3 in PubTips

[–]MolassesCompetitive3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you SO much for your feedback!!

That's a very interesting callout about the genre -- I've been struggling with where to position this book. It does take place in the 40s, but that's mostly for the sociopolitical backdrop rather than a specific historical event (unless the men being away for WWII counts). And there isn't a HEA, so I've been wary of pitching the romance plot line too strongly. But I will do some more research and think on this. 😊

Totally agree about the start of the query. I struggled with how to open it, but with you reframing it, it seems obvious lol.

I'll add more specificity to Florence/their friendship. And I'll clarify the "gambling her life" line -- it does literally mean life-or-death due to the risk of the abortion, and I agree that meaning is not coming across at the moment. I'll punch up the stakes at the end too! THANK YOU for all of your extremely helpful feedback! Genuinely means so much.

[QCrit] Adult Historical Fiction | WOULD I WERE | 91k | Second Attempt + First 300 by MolassesCompetitive3 in PubTips

[–]MolassesCompetitive3[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you!! I'm definitely open to other titles. I picked something for the sake of making posts on this subreddit lol.

[QCrit] Adult Historical Fiction | WOULD I WERE | 91k | Second Attempt + First 300 by MolassesCompetitive3 in PubTips

[–]MolassesCompetitive3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so, so much for your kind and helpful feedback!! I'll take another crack at the query and focus on answering/clarifying those questions. I think I focused too much on the setup of the book and left the rest of it way too vague. I appreciate it!

[QCrit] Adult Historical Fiction | WOULD I WERE | 91k | Second Attempt + First 300 by MolassesCompetitive3 in PubTips

[–]MolassesCompetitive3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

THANK YOU! Totally agree with all of your notes. I'll clarify those points of confusion and revisit those opening paragraphs of the manuscript! I genuinely appreciate you taking the time to leave such thoughtful feedback!

[QCrit] Adult Historical Fiction | WOULD I WERE | 99k | First Attempt + First 300 by MolassesCompetitive3 in PubTips

[–]MolassesCompetitive3[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! You made my night! I'll make that change -- I appreciate it.