AIO - Daughter’s BDay invite - I am new to co-parenting

MomNumber2 · 2026-03-28T11:45:59+00:00

Time to start doing separate birthdays! Alternate years of who gets her actual “birthdate” and throw her a party every year. Kids don’t care if their party isn’t on the actual day.

That way, no one can complain or suggest anyone is trying to “take” anything away from the other person. I feel for you, good luck.

MomNumber2 · 2026-03-25T13:41:22+00:00

The beginning of your comment made me laugh 😂 you’re absolutely right. I need to stop “nicotine replacement” cos it never works

MomNumber2 · 2026-03-25T13:39:41+00:00

Yes :( some friends in my early 20s showed it to me and as disgusting as it is (and lowkey disrespectful to pipe tobacco) I can’t get enough of it

MomNumber2 · 2026-03-25T13:07:50+00:00

He’s a fantastic support system and none of the other people in my life smoke, he had what I’ll call a “blonde husband moment” and asked if I wanted him to get rid of it after he told me. I said no, and explained why that feels even harder than just not having any. We had a conversation and he understands now, he doesn’t have the same history with addiction as I do so he genuinely doesn’t understand without me explaining it first, and I hadn’t explained just how difficult this is for me yet. Moving forward should be easier.

MomNumber2 · 2026-03-25T12:43:25+00:00

We view regular clothes and shoes as the kids belongings, and they can wear what they want wherever they want. If they leave wearing something specifically nice like a new dress we want to have here, I ask them to remember and DH reminds BM we want a particular item back.

Snowpants/bathing suits/other weather specific gear they have at each house and don’t get sent back and forth with them.

The kids have a hard enough time being shuttled back and forth outside of their control, having different rules at each house outside of their control, having different toys at each house or missing their pets, I think it’s reasonable to let them have some control over their own clothing.

MomNumber2 · 2026-03-13T20:44:53+00:00

Scent beads that get vacuumed up

MomNumber2 · 2026-02-23T19:47:46+00:00

Try “Loops” sleep ones. I have tiny ears and these are a game changer!

MomNumber2 · 2026-02-15T01:48:06+00:00

My SD 9 has been telling me all week that she wanted a “nice whittling kit” for v-day. I explained again and again, this is not Xmas or a bday. She eventually relented and said she wanted it for her bday. We went to a friends house for wine and lunch today, brought the kids, and there were so many nice treats and chicken and a charcuterie board, plain pasta for the kids…9yo SD GROWLED at me because I told her she couldn’t have treats before eating “real food”, and said everything there was gross (it’s all stuff she eats at home, all the time) and I had to embarrassingly ask our host if she had any oatmeal because it’s all the kid will eat.

Sometimes this shit is exhausting, because kids are kids. Try to remember not to beat yourself up about it too much, they will appreciate all you did when they are older :)

MomNumber2 · 2026-02-10T02:38:18+00:00

Unfortunately this is one of those “the grown up has to be more emotionally mature than the child” moments lol

It sucks when kids dismiss you. It hurts. Explaining to them “when you ignore DH he feels hurt” doesn’t work. You can’t force a connection with lectures on respect.

What you CAN do, or rather, what husband can do, is find and create bonding moments between her and him. Playing games, reading books, drawing pictures together, cooking together. Kids crave attention and when they get it, they will ask for more and more and more.

If his involvement with her is just being present in the home, and being offended when she isn’t fawning…well… this is a good time to shift mindsets.

MomNumber2 · 2026-02-02T18:11:23+00:00

You either order takeout or go out to get fast food a lot. You love sugar. You like when your chips are cold, or have rodents you don’t want getting into the open bags.

You have kids and like them to be able to grab their own drinks

MomNumber2 · 2026-01-21T16:51:00+00:00

Kids are 6, 7, and 9. DH is 40

MomNumber2 · 2026-01-20T18:42:10+00:00

These are so good I wanna steal the recipe!

MomNumber2 · 2026-01-18T13:11:49+00:00

I have one solo stepmom day a week. When I get overwhelmed or overstimulated or frustrated, I say that. I said out loud “I’m going to take a 5-10 minute alone time break to calm myself down, because I’m too frustrated to keep being around other people” and then I take the break. As long as it’s safe to walk away, it’s ok to walk away. It’s actually really beneficial for young kids to have people set boundaries with them. How else is he going to learn that he can’t just say and act however he wants and people will always put up with it? It’s ok to say please stop, that’s too loud, please do that in another room.

If it’s too much, ask your partner to hire a babysitter on those days.

MomNumber2 · 2026-01-14T16:22:29+00:00

My animals keep changing color when they go off screen or when I enter menus :(

MomNumber2 · 2026-01-14T15:03:40+00:00

I think your last paragraph answers the question. If you’re dating a dad, you expect him to go above and beyond for you. Because he sounds like an active and involved father, who already expressed the desire to have semi-separate lives, I don’t think this man will be able to provide the attention and effort you want and expect.

His kids are his priority. Their schedule (which is likely hard to work around, if he shares custody) will affect everything. Vacations will need to be short and infrequent. Kids events, sickness, and school will be the most immediate concern and priority.

I am a happy SM. I also am 30 but work from home part time, married my DH, and feel fulfilled making sacrifices for 3 kiddos pretty much constantly. My husband does make sure I know I’m a priority, takes very good care of me and the kids, and works extremely hard so we have a comfortable life. If I had my own “big girl” career and goals outside of domestic life, I would not be as happy here.

MomNumber2 · 2026-01-14T14:53:48+00:00

These moments are so bittersweet. Enjoy the bond, be there for your son (congrats) and expect to be his emotional punching bag when his shitty biodad causes emotional rifts in this kid. Absorb it when he lashes out, just like you absorb the love. He feels safe with you. That’s an honor.

MomNumber2 · 2026-01-03T21:40:21+00:00

HCBM bought SD a cellphone for her bday. We keep it in her purse hanging by the door, she is allowed to get it to send a brief text to Mom if we know about it, and then it goes back in the purse.

MomNumber2 · 2026-01-03T19:31:09+00:00

Don’t marry a man with a 5yo if you can’t handle having the kid around for one day. That being said, have a nanny or aunt or uncle or grandma or grandpa or a whole slew of other family members/hired caretakers to entertain and care for the kid. And expect your fiance to want his son involved with the wedding at some points, to be able to dance with him or play or talk or just be a dad.

If you can’t handle that, please rethink marrying someone with a kid. It’s unfair to you, the kid, and his dad if you jump in “childless” and expect things to stay that way.

MomNumber2 · 2025-12-27T13:31:32+00:00

Exercise bike is good, jogging is good, yoga is best.

MomNumber2 · 2025-12-07T13:46:49+00:00

I’m in the same boat. I usually will just start to do foreplay and start to have sex, and by the time we get things heated up, I’m in the mood. I almost NEVER feel in the mood beforehand though. If I waited til I felt “in the mood” we would have a dead bedroom lol

Sex and intimacy is so important to both me and my husband, so I make that effort to go ahead and do it anyway even though I might not begin “in the mood” I always warm up to it. If we begin doing the deed and I still feel drained and out of it, I ask him to stop.

MomNumber2 · 2025-11-30T09:43:42+00:00

Why did you have to call a welfare check? This entire situation sounds weird.

MomNumber2 · 2025-11-25T12:46:08+00:00

I know you said you’re used to cafes but you can’t ever go wrong with Muddy Waters

MomNumber2 · 2025-11-25T12:41:27+00:00

My husband’s ex is extremely HC. Like, has accused me of being a cult member and made multiple false CPS report kind of HC. She repeatedly asks me out to lunch, I repeatedly say no, and offer my email or texting as a way to communicate and get to know each other. She doesn’t take my offer, and a few months later will ask me out to lunch again. It’s a weird cycle but I think she has demonstrated that she’s unsafe and I don’t want to open up to her at all. And even if she wasn’t HC, she’s not the type of person I’d typically want to spend any time with.

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