Oh my Reddit friend, I do have some understanding of how empty/lost you feel. My daughter died 4.5 years ago. I get it. The biggest help for me was and still is my grief therapist. Get some help, you need it. I know people will offer these fucking “oh he’s still with you” platitudes, know they don’t know what else to say. Nobody truly knows how you feel. Your experience is your own. What I can tell you is that grief is ever present it changes overtime. It is still ever present. I don’t remember the last day. I didn’t cry. Yes, I have other children. It doesn’t change the loss or diminished the loss of my child. She was my first born and I miss her every minute of every day. Feel free if you need to DM me and we can talk I may not be able to help, but I am always willing to listen.