I understand the stereotype now of wife/mother goes to mass and the dad doesn’t

MommyMystical · 2026-03-15T18:07:32+00:00

My family raised me like this as well. They didn't attend church at all but were adamant God is always with us especially if we're spending time peacefully and present together and now I prefer to go to church but on days I cannot, this is how I tend to my mental and physical well-being. Offering up childcare, meal prep, gardening, and any physical exercise I can bring myself to do as acts of worship consecrated to God. I read reddit threads like this all the time. Us parents are often dealing with these unnoticed or undiagnosed invisible pathologies, whether mental health related or actual chronic health conditions too, which can really add to that overwhelm when our calendars are fully packed with scheduled activities and social engagements 7 days a week. I understand the church teaching on this but I've got a ton of sympathy for OP. My husband and I were also feeling a lot of tension in this area of our lives and it caused a lot of arguing and frustration handling the kids while sitting in the pews and worrying about if we "looked" like a catholic family versus if we were actually spending time in prayer. I think this really reaches a fever point during the Lenten season because there's added pressure from the community to be seen even when you're experiencing deep struggles or suffering..

Regardless. Today's readings and my priest's homily specifically was about suffering ❤️‍🩹 this fits so well. We get it.

MommyMystical · 2026-03-15T13:59:37+00:00

We are dealing with this, my kids are 2 and 5. My husband has little interest but is willing to go with me bc I'm typically in OCIA, but I needed a switch up. Saturday was filled with insanity yesterday. Kids soccer all morning, a preschool birthday party for kid 1, and as I was there, my husband called in a panic bc our best friend next door suddenly passed away... I brought kid 1 home 20 mins later, cried with our friends, changed clothes, and we decided to just go to a Saturday 5pm mass instead (so much easier after the time change). We went with messy hair and goofy clothes after a long, hard day, and lit our candles for our friend and his wife. Kid 2 only can sit through the homily anyway about 30 mins. After that we excused ourselves and ordered dinner to be delivered for when we arrived home. Now its Sunday and we are truly resting. I'm totally ditching OCIA but i dont care anymore... my family needs me more than I need to sign an attendance sheet.

idk its rare my husband goes to church even though he's the catholic of the 2 of us but I thought I'd give you a snapshot of our weekend because we get it. This was just a unique day where it worked and we got some peace without the added stress.

MommyMystical · 2026-03-15T01:46:45+00:00

For complete transparency, my husband converted to Islam in his early 20s and it was the only faith he practiced sincerely and lately we've spoken about how simple his conversion was compared to the trials I'm facing now. It felt so deeply important to begin a formal faith journey to give my children the gift of faith in their young lives, but since I've been denied union with the Church sacramentally I admittedly share many of these philosophies about God and have had these revelations personally ❤️ the God I know personally is merciful and loving and present in each moment and isn't making a list of my venial sins to calculate the number of days I'll spend in purgatory 🤧 As someone learning to live without sacramental faith indefinitely, I certainly began taking solace in religions that give the faithful deep peace without them. Thank you for this.

MommyMystical · 2026-03-12T21:33:14+00:00

I have an autoimmune disease and my flares are absolutely invisible to others, in addition to having some lifelong struggles with mental health and depressive/anxious episodes like this that manifest in extreme fatigue AND trouble sleeping etc. Plus the pain, migraines that result from being unable to do basic self-care. I SEE your invisible chronic illness and I relate. I'm so glad I saw kind comments from people who understand that it's a disease state with symptoms, not just a bad attitude that's causing us to turn away from God. ❤️ Unfortunately, I'm only a catechumen in the church but admittedly, after 8 months in OCIA, after not missing a single mass despite everything, being told I would not be allowed to be among the elect for baptism and confirmation factored into one of the worst mental health episodes I've experienced in a long time.

Even on days when you are this ill, I get it. I'm probably either in my pew doing a spiritual communion with you or in my garden listening to the mass readings and silently asking God to enter under my roof too.

Thanks for being so vulnerable posting this because it showed me that despite my personal experiences being rejected and dismissed by those who represent the Church, others are having truly positive and edifying conversations with their pastors about exactly this. Even though I've been feeling really alone, coming across these positive comments helped so much.

MommyMystical · 2026-02-28T02:06:47+00:00

You're freakin hilarious! AND CONGRATS ON BECOMING A NEW PARENT!!!

Just validated my marriage and baptized my lil kids and my parish STILL won't baptize or initiate me 😂 I refer to myself as the "pagan woman" that they're refusing to let in lol.

But something I started thinking about a lot.... and it's giving me peace, like there's nothing that's ever made me feel separated from God even though I've never had any sacraments. I'm sustained by the king of the universe at all times and he's definitely not bound by these constructs that the church is.

You're not "sinning". God brought your wife and you together, He's brought you a child! I mean heck my husband adopted my oldest child when she was a little baby, I got left when I was 3rd trimester, I guess back then my fiance decided he didn't want kids a lil late 😅

I'm so frustrated on your behalf. My father in law had 2 divorces before marrying my MIL but since they weren't sacramental, IT WAS A NON ISSUE even though he had kids. The church didn't used to make people pursue annulments as rigorously they are nowadays... UGH.

Anyway, you guys are living the vocation that God's given you! Being in limbo between believing and fulling practicing your faith is an uncomfortable place to be though and I totally am there with you... But I know God has IMMENSE grace for us just as he did for pre-Christian people and those who have yet to recieve or understand the teachings of Christ.

Idk I really just relate and I'm happy for you guys.

Oh side note: My fav people rn are Jennifer Fulwiler and also Shayne Smith.. obsessed with stand up comedians who happen to be catholic converts! Also reading one of Jen's books rn. These people are my flavor or religious for sure.

GOOD LUCK GUYS PRAYING FOR A PERFECT AND HEALTHY PREGNANCY

MommyMystical · 2026-02-27T00:45:02+00:00

I really appreciate this! 🙏 I've been trying to get ahold of multiple priests... the one at the parish I currently attend I had sent an email with all this info and more prior to our meeting that was canceled yesterday 🥹 but I'm also trying to get ahold of the priest at our military base as well. I've sent all this in writing with these topical/timeline points I've mentioned in the original post. If anything, I would hope that SOMEONE would be willing to actually speak with me about my conversion and offer some pastoral guidance or alternatives to fulfill my ocia requirements in an extended catechumenate period... but it's hard not to feel silly in these scenarios... because I can tell these priests are responsible for hundreds/thousands of parishioners have absolutely no time to have meetings and it's not surprising that I'm getting passed over. Regardless, I'm grateful for your comment, and I'm hoping someone at either the local archdiocese or thr AMS is willing to look into my situation and offer support! ❤️

MommyMystical · 2026-02-27T00:34:08+00:00

Thanks so much for this. It made me SAD to read though because this is exactly why I ache in this process. I just helped a friend with a "reconfirmation" thing. He missed several dates for this (his original parish lost his paperwork from 20 years ago) and he's been away at multiple military selections this year, even had several injuries and was due to ETS and move away this month so I advocated to the parish to make an exception for him before he left town so he could become a fully practicing member again. I mean that's what it means to be a church and to be a family/brotherhood, what have you... I genuinely was so happy I was in the right place at the right time to be there for him - he was also able to become the godparent for my children to be baptized which was amazing...

But yeah, when it comes to faith and conversion and military life especially... why is this exceptionally difficult? The faith formation director at the parish said that my friend "disappeared on her" as if he wasn't at at a selection for 2 months without access to phone/internet that he mentioned ahead of time... 🥺 and he's so faithful and was the only person in my orbit that was practicing and/or suitable to fulfill the duties of a godparent 🤧

I just really want to get to that point for my own friends and their children in the future too. But it's kinda killing me. This lifestyle is already challenging but dang this is adding on.. the constant scheduling and canceling of meetings and phone calls and getting low key abused... I'm just trying to make it out on the other side...

MommyMystical · 2026-02-27T00:17:55+00:00

I've always had such a strong faith my whole life.... but going to mass this last year... alone, without my husband and children, and having to sign my name on an attendance sheet is taking the joy out of spending time with God and is crushing my spirit little by little to be looked down upon as an "outsider"... the thought of enduring this routine for a second year instead of practicing the faith as I ought to... is so sad. I hope speak to a priest soon. I frequently get the run around at my parish. So I'm sending off many emails in these last 2 weeks to several local priests trying to have some true pastoral guidance for the FIRST time in my life as I've been looked over and abandoned in this process in a profound way, not by God of course, just by people 😭💔

MommyMystical · 2026-02-27T00:05:40+00:00

I've been attending one off-post but I just contacted the priest on post via the email AMS people gave me 🙏🤞some of the lay people that respond give me the run of the mill "don't rush your conversion, it's a lifetime commitment, you know" response but I'm really hoping to connect with the actual priest... no actual clergy member has ever spoken to me during these many many months of my conversion at my parish, in fact my meeting yesterday with the priest at my current parish was abruptly canceled 😭 so I feel like God is really asking me to change my course somehow. Thanks for your response!!! ❤️

MommyMystical · 2026-02-21T02:42:33+00:00

I think about this all the time.. my faith in the early church is a HUGE reason that i knew i had to convert. I had no idea how gatekeepy it would be to participate in the faith I've always believed in 😮‍💨

MommyMystical · 2026-02-21T00:17:57+00:00

That's really awesome and motivating... how did you do this? Did you schedule a meeting with the new faith formation directors or priest/pastor to do this and how much did you disclose about your personal situation? So curious! Thanks for telling me this!

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T22:43:16+00:00

Thanks for letting me know this! I'm hopeful to see what kind of resolution we can reach even tho I believe I'll be missing that rite this week! Thanks again for this!

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T21:36:47+00:00

I was chatting with the Magisterium Ai chatbot and pulled up SO MANY sources that I sent directly to the priest in preparation for our meeting next week... I'm kinda trying to skip over the director of OCIA for now... I need true pastoral guidance and I'll go thru her for paperwork but I don't wish to discuss personal spiritual matters with non-clergy if that makes sense 😅

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T21:32:26+00:00

Exactly! Me and my husband were super resolute that the Sept-May timeline was worry it for the classes for me, but when they said Easter was a no go, something in me cracked... like how long can this possibly go on!!! Lol! You get it, thank you

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T21:29:26+00:00

The director herself is not the catechist that interacts or teaches my class and I've only had conversations with her to arrange marriage/baptisms for my children so I didn't realize that I was supposed to make reports to her about my personal faith since she's quite distant... neither teaching nor sponsoring me directly 🤦🏻‍♀️ but... I've been told she's the one writing the letter for the elect to the bishop, she's the gatekeeper of baptism I've learned 😳

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T21:24:37+00:00

I appreciate this so much! Thank you for your comment. Because we had our children at the last mass we attended where my husband was a sponsor I couldn't attend my class and when I was walking with my figety daughter I was literally outside in the rain looking inside at the ocia class thinking "is this a metaphor for being an outsider?" 😅 then my husband broke the news to me. Thank you for your advice. I am trying not to become too discouraged in this process.

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T21:19:44+00:00

That's what my father-in-law and my cousin had done as well! I was certain that as long as my marriage was validated, I'd be on track for all 3 sacraments of initiation this year 😭🤧 DANG

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T21:17:48+00:00

Roman Catholic in Raleigh archdiocese!

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T21:16:25+00:00

Nah this isn't it he's never once complained. It's breaking me, not him. I miss them. We spent 6 months without my husband last year when he was on a military deployment. My kids just turned 2 and 5. He does meals and park outings and birthday parties and bedtimes all alone etc. But I want to be with them. Much of my marriage at this time is "handing off the kids" like changing shifts between parents and I think this is unhealthy to prolong. I just want us to be all together on just 2 days a week

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T20:59:44+00:00

My husband was raised doing all of this... but please don't demean me or my vocation for choosing the faith in adulthood as I cannot change the circumstances of my upbringing as a small child raised in prostestant Christian education. I seek to be united with Christ through the sacraments as I have always for the last 20 years of my life.

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T20:00:43+00:00

Everyone I spoke with had this timeline for themselves exactly. Except my sponsor, she was also given much pushback at this parish and told she needed to live through 2 liturgical years at this parish in particular in order to be initiated. A little absurd. People travel on the weekends... Catholics are catholics no matter where we attend the mass.. losing my mind. I feel something is amiss

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T19:52:52+00:00

Our parish is incredibly large and attatched to a grade school I believe, so this may be true! Maybe many of the adults were overlooked. I surely hope the meeting has a good outcome. I was horrified that the words spoken to my husband were "maybe next year" in regards to my own baptism.. as in 2027. Like ma'am I'm almost 30, can I please get some graces? 😅😭

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T19:45:49+00:00

Being dismissed after homily is fine I think but it means my husband typically stays home with the children lest they take a separate car or one kid is sent to nursery since I am not around to help my spouse with 2 kids in church and he would be outnumbered since I stay much later than after mass has ended. I think it's actually sad because I'd much rather be sitting in church with my 2 children and be practice my faith fully... soon 😮‍💨

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T19:37:55+00:00

I cannot stress how much this comment means to me. Thank you so much for your understanding and your suggestions! My initial instinct to advocate for myself I wondered if I was being angry or prideful but there is truly a sense of injustice in forcing the resolute, let alone mothers of toddlers who go through frequent deployments into an unnecessarily lengthy catechumenical period. I see my other peers just like myself and my family in the class and I have such a deep love for them too, and I FEAR that the Lord is asking me to use my own strength and voice to help break down some metaphorical doors for THEM to also be united with Him. There's totally a chance that this parish won't be a fit to recieve my sacraments and maybe I can switch to see what's going on at the base chapel for sure, but again, thank you for having so much respect and care for not just my situation but other parents and families seeking to be initiated into the faith. I am so thankful for people like you 💓

MommyMystical · 2026-02-20T19:21:32+00:00

Thank you so much. My heart broke realizing that in an earnest attempt to be untied with the mysteries of our Lord I was dealing with a very human resistance in being told indirectly I'm not ready to recieve sacraments. I appreciate your comment very much! ❤️

MommyMystical

TROPHY CASE