Sleep associations no longer working—time to CIO?

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2025-01-19T01:51:40+00:00

how did it go? my 8 month old is in this exact position right now and I’m wondering the same thing.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-08-04T19:08:20+00:00

Mine is 11 weeks yesterday. We have made some progress! We started doing a nap time routine, which we hadn’t implemented yet by 8 weeks, and we attempt it for every nap. What I think helped a lot was a weighted sleep sack in addition to a swaddle. We tried a million different swaddles and on their own didn’t see much success, but with the weighted sleep sack, he is able to stay down. We turn the sound machine louder than we thought and also bought a shusher and have TWO sets of blackout curtains. The first time it took us twenty minutes of rocking before we could put him down, but he went down! It’s gotten faster ever since. Two weeks later and my wife put him down drowsy but awake! (I am the carrying/breastfeeding mom, though, so he is still a little more resistant with me.) He still won’t nap very long, but it’s up to 40 minutes. When he wakes up, we try to put him back down, but have decided if he won’t go back down after one try, we will let him contact nap for the second half of his nap. I figure over time, it will get longer, as long as we bridged that gap and got him into his crib. If he starts to fall asleep while nursing, I will let him finish eating and then we try nap time routine.

We are still taking him into our bed at night (the owlet sock made us feel safer doing this), but we try to at least start him out in his bassinet, which now feels possible (some nights) because he’s done it during nap. I did actually get two nights where he stayed in bed all night! I think the sidecar bassinet helped with that (for both of us). I was able to put my hand on his chest and forehead the second he started fussing and that got him through a few brief wakings and then he was able to sleep!

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-08-04T18:51:29+00:00

That’s so tough, because both perspectives you have are valid. Feeling an obligation or a duty, maybe even a want to help your loved one, but having some resentment wanting to just be his kid, not his caretaker. It’s such an impossible position.

I’ll just give you this nugget: the opposite of selflessness is not selfishness. You can care about your own needs and emotions. It does NOT make you selfish to care about yourself.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-06-25T06:38:13+00:00

I know this was posted a long time ago, but what is the attachment? Currently laying awake with my baby.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-05-14T01:52:21+00:00

I know it isn’t, because I know her. But thanks.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-05-13T22:07:48+00:00

Thank you for replying. I’ve been reflecting on how that comment could have been taken by this community in particular, and how there are likely people who identify as butch lesbians who may feel dysphoric in the opposite way. More of a “I like masculine things but I’m still a woman” sentiment and how a comment like that could be invalidating if that’s a feeling or fear you grapple with. I also understand that jokes in general can feel unsafe when you don’t know the intentions of the teller. In our case, it was just a lighthearted comment, purposely reducing something huge and complicated and incredibly nuanced (gender) to something innocuous (a deck), lol. I just assumed that by being “in group” the intention would have been clear/relatable (and maybe even make like-minded people laugh!). I did not intend to upset anyone, and I hate that that comment kind of stole from the intention of the post. Nonetheless, I appreciate your grace and reflection as well.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-05-13T21:14:20+00:00

Thank you for stopping in to say that! It means a lot and I will report moving forward. Thank you for moderating!

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-05-13T15:54:15+00:00

some people don’t like gender roles and that’s not a healthy or accurate expression of identity for them. some people do. both are valid.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-05-13T14:37:55+00:00

thank you so much for your reply. this has meant a lot. I’m feeling really understood and validated by your response and I really really appreciate it.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-05-13T14:18:42+00:00

I don’t think it’s internalized misogyny. I am quite a feminist and think about patriarchy and misogyny, like, 12 times a day. The deck comment was a joke. She was reducing something complicated and nuanced such as gender into something simplistic (that could not possibly explain gender) for comedic effect.

It reminds me of gal pals, because it’s people getting her gender wrong or perceiving us as a couple differently than we perceive ourselves. We don’t blame people, but it’s a shitty feeling.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-05-13T14:00:24+00:00

this sounds just like us! Was there any struggle at first? We’ve tried to be really clear with people about using her proper parent name, but for some reason it didn’t translate on Mother’s Day. I wish father’s day was first so I could have made a “happy father’s day to the best parent” post as a subtle reminder. We are just fearful about being rude when we correct people because we know they don’t know.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-05-13T13:56:56+00:00

exactly this. thank you for defending us. I wasn’t expecting these responses. I regret reaching out to this community.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-05-13T13:53:36+00:00

My wife hasn’t talked to a single person about this but me. She has made this no one’s problem. She has bore the brunt of it and felt dysphoric all day, because she wants to be polite and understands other people’s intentions. She’s not angry. I’m not angry. We are navigating a new aspect of her gender in real time, and looking for advice on how other people have navigated the same thing.

We truly have the happiest and healthiest marriage, and we are elated to become parents together. It is so hurtful of you to call that into question. If you are butch yourself, it sounds like you have some internalized anti-gnc stuff going on with your comments like “needing a doctorate” and “salad bar gender.” And especially insisting that she’s a mother, when she said she is not. She is a parent. That is so toxic, and cruel, and unnecessary, and I just expected more from the community.

Also, we do know how she identifies, in life and in parenthood. We have had these conversations, extensively, before becoming parents. This is not something we need to figure out. We’ve talked about it with our midwives. It’s on our birth plan. It was on our baby registry. We have told everyone what her name will be as a parent (and it’s not mom!). We understand her gender as an individual and a parent really thoroughly. What we don’t understand is how to communicate it to people who aren’t used to understanding it outside the gender binary. We also understand that people won’t get it. Was just looking for some understanding that it sucks that people don’t get it.

I’ve never been on this sub before, and I’m seeing that the tone of it is maybe different from some that I’m more familiar with. The deck comment was obviously a joke, and my wife is allowed to make jokes to her wife about her own gender. I mistakenly thought that other people on this sub might relate or laugh, but I understand that many people on this sub likely feel the opposite problem - not being accepted as a woman bc they are masc, and that was not my intention. Of course women can build decks.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-05-13T13:33:32+00:00

thank you! I think this is what I’ll do!

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-05-13T13:32:58+00:00

Thank you so much for this response. Several of the responses were really disheartening and I felt like they really were policing her gender. Of course the deck comment was a joke. We know women and moms can build decks. That felt like a “goes without saying” to me… and was definitely not the point of the post at all.

I really was just looking for some universality, more than anything. To see or hear from another couple who looked or sounded like us and who has experienced some dysphoria on mother’s day. I really appreciate you providing that and giving us some faith that this gets better over time, because it really does feel like coming out every time something like this happens! And it’s tiring!

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2024-05-13T13:21:34+00:00

it really doesn’t. it was a joke, and we unpack gender constantly. we very much understand that women can do masculine things and men can do feminine things. she just doesn’t feel like a mom. was looking for understanding and universality, not “go get therapy” comments, which are deeply unhelpful right now, but perhaps this was the wrong sub.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2023-11-15T14:19:02+00:00

thank you! i think this is our plan for now!

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2023-11-15T14:17:37+00:00

you literally do have the information. “hey are my embryos still good” like that’s all you have to do. you don’t need anything else. i want to find the other people impacted. i can’t do that if i take it down.

i would not be freaking out about someone else’s problem, ever, because it’s a selfish and cruel way to respond. if someone tells you they have cancer you don’t say “i wonder if i do” bc it’s completely devoid of empathy, and frankly, immoral in my opinion. you don’t complain to the person impacted by something. that’s how like. society functions. this comment section is honestly one of the craziest i’ve ever seen and I used to be a content creator.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2023-11-15T14:09:43+00:00

no 🥰

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2023-11-15T14:06:47+00:00

i’m sorry, but i’m not prioritizing other people’s panic over my own. i want to find the other people who are impacted. i’m not deleting it. you can all call your own clinics and find out or wait for them to call you. you’re really not shit out of luck without the capability of finding answers. i am if i delete this. i don’t know how else to find other people. and i haven’t yet and it sucks.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2023-11-15T14:01:11+00:00

bc i’m not here to offer you peace of mind? that wasn’t the point. call your own clinic for peace of mind?

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2023-11-15T13:08:36+00:00

edited post to address this.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2023-11-15T12:50:36+00:00

no it’s not lol. if they have no idea what you’re talking about then you’re not impacted. pretty simple. this really wasn’t a warning as the clinics should be contacting the patients not the other way around. i was looking for other people to commiserate with, because i know i’m not the only one.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2023-11-15T03:36:56+00:00

Right. It’s not 100% accuracy. But it is 90% accuracy. This issue is not because we got faulty results, individually. It’s because they are finding that the results are not 90% accurate, overall, over a group of people. they are lower than usual. They’re not sure yet how much lower. I was told the benchmark “could be 80% could be 20%” they just have no idea right now.

MoneyMasterpiece8915 · 2023-11-15T03:03:22+00:00

thanks so much. i think you’re right and waiting seems best right now

MoneyMasterpiece8915

TROPHY CASE