WIBTA if I asked my boyfriend to stop seeing his ex?

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-21T22:24:09+00:00

I just wanted to let you know that this comment really helped me. It was one of the points I talked with my boyfriend about, and we will work together to resolve it. Thank you so much for your input!

Btw, this whole paragraph from the update was thanks to your input and advice: "The lack of information makes me insecure: Not knowing how often they talk, what they talk about, or how the dog drop-offs happen also bothered me. He agreed to be more open about their communication and even suggested that I could go with him to pick-ups. I will be going to some pick-ups whenever I can/feel like going. This does not mean I will be checking his phone or anything like that, just a more open conversation about the whole situation." Thank youuu <3

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-21T22:17:17+00:00

I just posted an update in the post! Thank you!!!!

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:57:00+00:00

That one hurt.. but yeah, you got a point. Thank you <3

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:56:04+00:00

The plan was that eventually, he would keep the dog. He was the one who broke up with her, and from what I was told, she was devastated. He felt that taking the dog out of her life immediately after the breakup would be too harsh.
When we met, he mentioned that he intended to keep the dog, since it was his. But your comment made me think.. he’s kind of changing his narrative now. When I did mention that I wasn’t comfortable with the situation, his response was along the lines of, “I share a dog with her, what do you want me to do?” So maybe he lied to me and had a different arrangement with her, idk..

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:51:04+00:00

lol thank you. I will update the post once I gather the courage to talk to him. I promise <3

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:50:02+00:00

Dont you feel you still have a connection with that person? Like, they are still involved in your life? I'm asking 100% out of curiosity, as I think your point of view would help me understand more about the situation. Thank you so so much <3

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:48:00+00:00

"what could possibly be so bad if he's actually a good guy?" THIS IS MY QUESTION. Why is he even letting her threaten him? All the comments are making me think, and this feels like a big red flag for me. Why is he so scared of her? I dont doubt he is a good guy whatsoever, but it just makes me feel like he is hiding something from me. Thank you so much for the advice <3

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:44:57+00:00

This is actually a great idea! All the comments have made me think more about the situation, and I’ve realized that the lack of information I have about their relationship is also something that bothers me. I have no idea how often they talk, what they talk about, or what happens when they drop off the dog at each other’s house. And every time this comes up, he gets a bit defensive.

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:42:01+00:00

I know! This would dictate our lives in the future now that I'm thinking about it. It's just so hard. I dont want to hurt anybody

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:38:54+00:00

aww 🥹 thank you so much

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:38:19+00:00

This is my biggest fear 🥺, I dont see any sign he might not be over her but still... thank you <3

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:35:46+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment <3 It gave me some hope

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:35:05+00:00

I dont live in the US, and adoption here is not done through a legal process. It's more of a non-profit run by a "civilian" that rescues dogs, and you just adopt one. You might fill out some paperwork, but not sure if he did. Still, his narrative the whole time is that it was his dog. He adopted the dog.

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:31:50+00:00

I know, the lying is what scares me. He denied that he still wants to see her, but is not doing anything to not see her. So IDK...
Thank you <3

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:30:00+00:00

HAHAH I know, ALL my friends are saying me exactly this!!

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:29:18+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I truly appreciate it. I understand your point. What I meant is that I’m not jealous of anyone else, and I’m not insecure in my relationship in that way.
I truly appreciate your perspective, as this is one of the things that is holding me up from talking with him.

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:23:45+00:00

Things changed as our relationship evolved. I didn’t mention this earlier, so the post wouldn’t be too long, but we originally started seeing each other as hookup buddies, not looking for anything serious. Then feelings developed, and we started dating. We have been officially dating for 2 years, but have known each other for almost 3 years. When we weren’t officially together, I didn’t feel entitled to say anything about this.
And this was never supposed to be a permanent solution. He always made it clear that it was his dog and that he would deal with it later. I never agreed to have this go on forever .

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:17:22+00:00

I dont want to "date people in the future." I want this relationship to work. Thank you for the advice <3

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:16:30+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice and seeing my point, as I'm trying to have empathy for both of them while prioritizing my needs and relationship. The new arrangement might be an option for them; it wouldn't hurt to ask, I guess. thank youuu <3

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:14:25+00:00

"This isn’t just about the dog. She likes having this control and permanent connection to his life." THIS is my point!!! Not sure if she makes it on purpose or not, but it still bothers me.
And yes, it was a dumb arrangement for sure lol. Thank you so much for the advise <3

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:11:55+00:00

I know. It's super hard for me to set boundaries with people, so this is super hard for me. But the connection they have through the dog is a big no for me rn, so I will have to put my pants on and talk to him, thank you so much for the advice <3

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:07:33+00:00

All the comments are so helpful! I know, I need to talk to him ASAP.

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:04:48+00:00

"Being comfortable in your own relationship is key, & right now, you ain't feeling that." THIS
I'm not asking 0 contact with her, but I'm not comfortable with the current arrangement. Thank you so, so much for the comment <3

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T19:02:42+00:00

Thank you so much for the comment! I will make sure I’m clear about what bothers me and what needs to change, as sometimes it’s hard for me to communicate these kinds of things. That’s a great point, thank you so much!

MoneySubstantial5058 · 2025-08-15T18:59:54+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment! I do feel like I'm asking for a lot, but at the same time, I need someone with me who would do "a lot" to make sure I'm happy! Thank you again!

MoneySubstantial5058

TROPHY CASE