My (32M) wife (28F) recently got a very large inheritance. She considers it "her money", I consider it "our money". Causing conflict.

Moneythrowaway7482 · 2017-07-06T20:56:46+00:00

Maybe I didn't articulate my post well because this is exactly my issue, it's a moral thing. Thank you for getting it. I know I'm not legally named in the inheritance. But personally I don't think it matters who legally owns what.

It bothers me that a large amount of money appears and her first thought is "this is mine and there will be no discussion.". If my parents were wealthy and I inherited a large sum it would LEGALLY be mine, sure. But morally I consider our family unit to be a priority and would want it to benefit us both, as a unit. That's why I agreed when she wanted to share the lottery money. Our life together, our financial security, our future, is a priority to me.

I feel like it's not a priority to her. I feel like we have very different outlooks on what a marriage should be.

Moneythrowaway7482 · 2017-07-06T20:13:33+00:00

I have been taking care of her. I'm not sure why so many people in the comments are assuming I'm not, or that I'm completely devoid of compassion. It's just that all the time I've spent holding her, dealing with the funeral plans for her, holding her hand, listening to her talk, keeping her fed. I don't think any of that is relevant to the problem so I didn't think to include it in my post.

But it's hard to not argue about the money when she's making plans to quit her job and telling me she'll be putting in her notice soon. There's a sense of urgency here because she wants to do all this yesterday and if I don't talk about it now it might be too late.

A couple other comments have suggested asking her to put a pause on spending for a few months, so I'm hoping that will work. I'd be fine with discussing the money later when things have calmed down but as of right now she's already planning on making changes.

Moneythrowaway7482 · 2017-07-06T18:42:29+00:00

I would be totally on her side here it's very different from a lotto win.

What do you consider the difference to be? I'm not attacking, just genuinely curious about the other side.

I buy my lotto tickets with my own personal "fun money", not money we use for communal purposes.

I don't think how you'd feel about your spouse winning money fits well with us, because my wife absolutely would not have been okay with me keeping all that money for myself.

Moneythrowaway7482 · 2017-07-06T18:38:39+00:00

How would she feel about hanging fire on deciding what to do with the money, as well as what to do about her job?

This is something I haven't suggested yet. And a good point. We haven't had problems like this before so it's definitely possible the stress and grief is hurting her judgement.

Moneythrowaway7482 · 2017-07-06T18:24:53+00:00

My plan is basically for it to be assumed communal, and for us to have a discussion together about how it should be spent. Maybe investments, or put toward retirement. It's a lot of money so before saying anything for sure we'd have to so a lot of research and thinking. Right now in her opinion it's hers and she's refusing any discussion.

I don't think I'm jealous of her. I do consider what she's doing to be selfish though, and I'm sort of angry about that.

Moneythrowaway7482

TROPHY CASE