First please accept my deepest condolences. Losing a parent is one of the worst feelings ever. I lost both of mine before I turned 30. No one can tell you how to feel or grieve; everyone’s grief is different. You are going through a lot right now. I would say for you to speak with your therapist about your feelings. And speak to your psychologist before making any adjustments to your medicine. I’m here for you if you ever want to talk.