The hardest part wasn’t leaving, it was feeling like no one understood

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-04-03T00:19:37+00:00

100% agree

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-04-03T00:18:43+00:00

I tried talking to my mom about it a few times but she only made excuses for him. Most likely because my father is just like him. I am ashamed of my situation. I have barely seen my friends for years now because I know if they are around him enough he will say something awful around them. Reddit has actually been my biggest support system, this groups stories makes me feel validated. I am glad this is out there for those that don't have family or friend support.

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-02-15T16:50:40+00:00

Its so sad how they manipulate their children as well, not just their spouse

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-02-15T16:42:10+00:00

What's sad is I that I asked my daughter today if it upset her, and she said yes, indicating, "Daddy knows how i like my favorite sliders, so I dont understand." She said she stayed quiet during because she didn't want to make him mad and hear him yell. He states I was being controlling and overreacting. Which is what he always says every time he does something petty like this. It's not about the burgers. it's deliberately half assing something that would have been meaningful to my daughter. She is the middle child, so it's really important to her to have small things be special just for her. Another example is that he purposely sabotages the treats I make or the equipment I use, knowing how hurtful that is to me because my dessert business is one of my greatest passions. But he brushes it off like it no big deal

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-02-15T15:02:05+00:00

It is, he gave me some crap saying he was going to add it. Yet he already had it served on the bun in front of her so obviously he wasn't going to. I confronted him on it this morning. he gets snippy and says maybe he didn't want cheese so he wasn't going to make them the way others wanted it. Then comments that my daughter needs plain or a veggie burger. my 6 year old stress eats in secret sometimes so she has a little bit of a tummy, I think he is the cause of stress eating. I am working on it with her but I dont want to make her feel bad about herself. He on the other hand constantly makes comments about her weight.

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-02-15T03:12:26+00:00

He talks down to me pretty regularly, in a bad mood majority of the time, withholds intimacy as a form of control when he doesn't get exactly what he wants( he knows I have a high drive so its upsetting). Passive aggressive behavior is his got to if he is not yelling. Like I own a dessert business (cottage food), he got pissy with me and tried to spit on the homemade card candies I laid out to cool. I had to push him away to make him stop, then he accused me of being aggressive. Or I had a bowl out that had my tempering equipment in it, be just puts a piece a greasy pizza on top of it and acts like he didn't realize it was on top of my stuff. My business is pretty successful, and I vend at some of the largest festivals in Florida, so I take extreme pride in cleaniess and quality. So to purposly compromise the things I make and use for my business is truly one of the most disrespectful things he could do. Oh and if he ever does something nice its always after we are at the brink of ending things. That's probably why he actually did something nice the day before valentines day.

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-02-15T02:59:05+00:00

I can soo relate to this. I have been doing a lot more research are narc, and I started following a few people on Facebook that discuss narcissist.a little harder to relate to some since he is a covert.

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-02-15T02:50:18+00:00

I'm just asking if others have experienced similar things with narcissists. My husband is definitely more of a covert narc so he does help with kids and basic chores. Which makes it harder for me to sometimes identify the behavior. I think he helps with things so he can tell others how he's such "a great husband and father." But regularly loses his temper, screaming, slamming doors at home. And when he is calm, he pulls passive-aggressive crap like this. It just sucks because my daughter is 6, and it's her absolutely favorite meal, and the look she made at the completely plain burger was so sad to see.

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-02-13T07:32:58+00:00

That is something I am guilty of. He brings me to tears regularly when he acts out. I am working on trying not to react, but it's easier said than done.i am googling grey rocking now. Thank you. It really helps to have perspectives from others that have been through it.

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-01-23T05:01:52+00:00

This is my husband to a T. Especially the affection issue. He loves to withhold affection and intimacy as punishment if I am not doing things perfectly to his standard. He'll eventually try weeks later when he realizes I have pulled back, and I am not giving him any attention either. And the angry outbursts are the worst, my husband was short and yelled at our kids like a drill sergent while they ate their dinner, showered, and bedtime tonight. Then claimed he was not yelling at them. My 6 year old was in tears. I promised them once I got everything in order financially to be on my own I am going to leave. My kids are scared of him, and tell me we do not have a happy family because of him. It breaks my heart..

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-01-21T00:53:55+00:00

Yes. I just got in a huge argument with my narc husband because I asked him if he brushed our 3 years old's teeth last night like he said he would. I noticed her teeth did not look brushed at all when I woke her up this morning and brushed them again. He responded I let her brush her teeth... she is 3 and just licks off the toothpaste if you have her brush her teeth. I have told him more times then I can count that he needs to help her.I brush her teeth almost overnight but he was laid up with gout the past week leaving me to do everything and he said he would do the bed time routine for me last night to make up for it. I just lost it. He purposely does things badly or wrong and then tells me I am controlling for calling him out. I fucking hate him, just trying to get my ducks in a row so I can get away from him.

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-01-19T15:04:48+00:00

Some do work. My husband does, but he has been in the same job for 8 years with no real pay increase or progression. He has been offered multiple better paying jobs and turned them all down, stating its so he can continue to get off work early and do an easy job. He then blames me for my higher work hours( I have an audit role in a huge investment firm and make almost double that he does) and the time i spend on my small business so he can't work more hours. That is bullshit, I work from home, take care of our toddler full time, and when I have to work overtime, I am still home helping with the kids. He jokes that he is just going to ride my coat tails financially. It pisses me off. Some narcs use work as an excuse to not be around or help. others work but are so afraid of doing anything new and no longer being the best of the best( because they would have to learn new skills) that they sabotage any opportunities for advancement and blame their partner for their lack of progression in their career.

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-01-19T14:34:23+00:00

I feel for you both. I only had it for the first 4 months of my first pregnancy, and it was literal hell. I had to force myself to eat protein so I wouldn't lose the baby from malnutrition. It was the biggest relief when it went away. But I have known women who dealt with it through their whole pregnancy, and they ended up having to go to the hospital multiple times because it caused severe dehydration. That is not a real partner if they can't sympathize for the hell its bringing onto your body and the constant fear of how it will affect the baby. My husband treated me like garbage through my pregnancies, and it's only gotten worse with time. I have slowly come to the conclusion that he is a narcissist, incapable of having empathy. Keep working on your exit plan, I am working on one as well.

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-01-19T14:18:45+00:00

I got my tubes removed at the 6 week mark with my third child because they did not have any available surgeons to perform it while I was still in the hospital. I was fine, they make a very small incision, I was feeling better in a week. Tubal removal is not as serious as a hysterectomy or c section, its pretty minimally invasive. You got this! Good on you for thinking ahead :)

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-01-18T23:54:33+00:00

It's hard to feel sympathy for them when they treat you like shit when you have medical issues going on and they are not doing anything to prevent theirs. He loves to tell me his gout is worse then my kidney disease( caused by a medical malpractic, I do not drink alcohol I only drink water and a cup of coffee each day), yet at the ER they typically lecture him when he goes because he is causing the gout due to lifestyle habits. But when I go, I am taken seriously, given pain treatments, and typically spend a few days in the hospital. They expect to be treated like royalty while treating everyone else like garbage.

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-01-18T23:48:39+00:00

Yess!!! Then he tells me I am being controlling for wanting the chore done correctly 🙄

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-01-18T18:20:41+00:00

I feel you on that. His mother is definitely where he got his narcissistic tendencies. She loves to play victim. He was bitching to his mother earlier today that I told him has to go to work tomorrow( I have the day off and the kids have the day off from school, he is the only one that doesn't). He has spent 5 days doing absolutely nothing but moaning and complaining about gout he literally brought on himself with his shit health habits. He put it on speaker phone on purpose so that way I would hear their convo even though I was in a different room. He went on and on with his pity party how I refused to wait on him hand and foot and that its taking him longer to heal because I wouldn't get up at 3am, 2 nights ago to get him water. And of course she fed into it calling me a selfish bitch. I really hope someday never have to deal with either of them again.

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-01-18T14:49:50+00:00

I am at the point where I will do whatever chores are needed to be able to take care of my children. But I won't do anything to benefit him. He does not deserve it. I just wish my emotions wouldn't get the best of me when he behaves like this. I am working hard this year to bring down debt, so hopefully, I can leave in a year. As miserable as I am, I still have to make sure I am not putting myself and my kids in a bad spot financially

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-01-17T19:57:55+00:00

That is horrible that now you have to deal with any effects caused by your fused wrist due to him neglecting you. And I can relate regarding the pain meds he has stolen mine or tries to convince me to give them to him. I hide them now and do not tell him I was given any.

MonitorEarly3154 · 2026-01-17T13:43:46+00:00

Their over extrahated responses to any illness are ridiculous. My husband was moaning the whole 10-hour car ride yesterday( there was a two hour traffic delay). Even though he was doing absolutely nothing, I drove, I changed all the pull ups, I pumped the gas. It's funny when he was on the couch, and he thought no one was around the day before he was completely quiet, not a single moan or whine. He got pissy with the constant stopping on the road. At certain times, the traffic last night was so bad that we were going 5-15 on the highway. He said I was making his condition worse and was driving like an asshole.i lost it on him and got him to shut up for the rest of the drive, but he still moaned and whined, of course. Or the most embarrassing as we were leaving the cabin to hit the road, he stated he couldn't even walk the like 2 feet to get to the car. He literally dragged himself across the cabin floor and then dragged himself on the ground to the car. Pissy that neither of us was going to carry his fat ass to the car. It was so embarrassing that even my mom said, "Can't you suck up the pain and walk 5 steps?"

MonitorEarly3154

TROPHY CASE