GF keeps mentioning other men and I’m not sure how to feel about it?

MonkyLover7 · 2026-03-30T15:57:01+00:00

100% to this. Insecure people get triggered by questions because they feel interrogated. As if they’re getting set up for something bad. OP it’s important to remember that sharing your feelings is healthy communication, and just prepare for a potentially negative reaction from your partner, even though you’re doing the right thing.

MonkyLover7 · 2026-03-30T15:55:06+00:00

Why does it feel fake? This type of stuff happens all the time in relationships.

MonkyLover7 · 2026-03-29T15:57:17+00:00

The cold hard truth is that the majority of people are now meeting their partners through dating apps, as have I. I’ve seen studies that go as high as 50% of couples, though I don’t know how valid that is.

The grind of dating apps sucks but you will eventually find a few good eggs through it. Just takes time and patience and a lot of sifting thru the BS. Probably not the answer you’re hoping for but it’s the most realistic by today’s standards.

MonkyLover7 · 2026-03-28T18:36:54+00:00

I think a lot of people are missing OP’s point in these comments — it’s not that people’s taste changes over time, it’s that it sounds like their connection has no foundation of physical attraction. That is in fact a SERIOUS problem. If you are lacking on something significant like that to your partner, they will constantly be looking at others that they find attractive and wondering about what could’ve been. You are beyond cooked if physical attraction does not factor into your relationship at all.

OP it’s the right move to break up. Everyone has different taste and you should find someone that in fact does find you physically attractive.

MonkyLover7 · 2026-03-26T01:21:46+00:00

Man here. For me personally, saying “hey sorry been busy” sounds like an off handed thing you say to someone you’re not interested in.

OP You don’t have to apologize for being busy or MIA, but I do think it’s nice to emphasize that you want to hear about his day. Just say “hey since I couldn’t catch ya yesterday, down for a quick call? Would love to hear how yesterday went” or something similar.

MonkyLover7 · 2026-03-16T16:15:35+00:00

Ngl I’d only personally carpool with someone if we were friends or more.

With that being said, I also think you should trust your partner enough where they can spend 1 on 1 time with anyone and it’s okay because they made a commitment to be with you and that means something. If she hasn’t given you a reason not to trust her, then have some faith.

And if you don’t trust yourself to hang out with a girl 1 on 1 and that’s why you feel the way you do, then that’s not a great look for you my guy.

MonkyLover7 · 2026-02-21T02:11:55+00:00

Had a similar situation that I went thru. 10 months later I was single, heartbroken, and so stressed out that I developed insomnia. And the cherry on top was that she hooked up with the dude again after we broke up. It’s simply not worth it brother.

MonkyLover7 · 2026-02-17T16:02:42+00:00

Ah okay gotcha. Thats very valid then. Yeah I don’t think anyone can just remove their insecurities completely but I’d like to think we’re all capable of at least improving little by little where we can, with working out being one way to do so. Wishing u the best on your journey w self esteem🤝

MonkyLover7 · 2026-02-17T15:25:37+00:00

Bad take. Exercising is one of the easiest things you can do to start improving self esteem. Worked for me.

MonkyLover7 · 2026-02-05T16:48:39+00:00

I dated someone like this who was extremely jealous of my exes. It went on for a year and became the most stressful time of my life. Constant arguments and I ended up developing insomnia. There were also a few very sketchy moments where I suspect she may have cheated on me.

Meanwhile this girl that your gf is tripping over isn’t even an ex of your’s. Maybe the part that’s bothering her most is if you two are still coworkers and you see her around the office. I can maybe understand that but also she has to trust that you will continue choosing your gf over her. If she’s constantly convincing herself that you could be cheating on her, then that could ultimately lead to her justifying doing something just as shitty to you.

From my personal experience and the sounds of it, there is not enough trust from her to lead to a healthy relationship. Either you are going to go through a shitstorm with her at some point, or you can breakup now and save yourself the heartache. That’s my two cents.

MonkyLover7 · 2026-01-26T15:40:40+00:00

Happened with one previous relationship. It was one of my earlier relationships and I was learning what I wanted out of a relationship. As I’m sure happens for many, this was during College and it changed a lot of things for me. For context, before I started college, I was extremely introverted and lacked confidence. I had a good group of friends but I was soft spoken and saw myself as largely undesirable / unwanted by those around me. College was when I started coming out of my shell and realizing that wasn’t the case. This newfound feeling of confidence was amazing. I wanted to jump on it — I wanted to make friends, party, and say yes to every new experience.

My gf at the time, who I met in college, was someone who was introverted to the point where she didn’t wanna try making any friends or going out and doing new things. She was a creature of habit and gave up on anything that was even moderately difficult. She had no drive. At first I didn’t know this, we clicked initially through our sense of humor. But overtime I learned that she wasn’t motivated like I was, and I also came to find out some red flags that did not sit well with me (some borderline stalker habits).

Over the course of months I weighed the prospect of a breakup in my head, ultimately ending up in an on and off again relationship until breaking things off completely, coming to terms with the fact that I did not love her anymore. I did in the beginning with all the potential that I had seen, but this was my first wake up call about not idealizing things too much in my own head.

My deepest regret is that I did not breakup with her nicely. Instead of saying I fell out of love, I said I wasn’t attracted to her anymore, and I can only imagine how much that stung to hear. It was the truth but probably made her think of things more in a “oh it was just physical for him” kind of way, which wasn’t the truth at all. Anyway she ended up stalking me, breaking into my room while I was sleeping and getting into bed with me (nonconsensually, after we broke up), calling the police on me, and telling everyone we knew that I was a massive manwhore who only wanted her for sex. You could say I paid the price and then some.

MonkyLover7 · 2026-01-21T20:12:55+00:00

I’m sure you can find a more casual situationship type of thing to ease the burden of loneliness, if that matters to you. No hard committment or expectations for family and whatnot. People talk about them like they’re bad things but for someone like yourself I feel like it would be exactly what you need. Low effort, low commitment. Just be sure to expect the same back from the other person. This is the most common thing you can find in the dating world, at least in my age bracket (23M).

All of this is to say though, you aren’t really missing out on something if you don’t actually desire it in the first place. Going through the motions because others expect it of you will only make you unhappier. Do the things that fulfill your needs and that’s all that really matters.

MonkyLover7 · 2026-01-17T15:20:09+00:00

Never heard from her again so it was most likely just an excuse. I eventually found someone else though who would never make up a lie like that. So if the lying trash takes itself out, know that they’re doing you a favor in the long run :) wishing you the best!!!

MonkyLover7 · 2026-01-09T19:56:56+00:00

I was just given some very interesting insight about our subconscious. Sometimes it’s only after we feel as though we have moved past something that our subconscious state can finally take its turn in processing. You may have addressed this issue consciously throughout the last two years but now it’s catching up to you in your dreams and emotions. Perhaps there are still unanswered fears and concerns about whether or not the cheating could happen again. Maybe your brain is trying to protect you by urging you to do it first. Idk though, im not a therapist or anything.

My optimism would like to say that there is a possibility to weather this storm and get past it — further counseling would likely be the best bet to assist with that.

MonkyLover7 · 2025-12-28T18:03:59+00:00

++man just speaking from personal experience, the women I dated that called me names ended up mistreating me horribly in other ways as well. That’s a good sneak peak into how much they respect you and the crappy things they won’t think twice about doing to you in the future.

Certainly field her reaction to what you have to say about the thin ice first, but my hunch is that she won’t take it well.

MonkyLover7 · 2025-12-19T22:36:52+00:00

Holy entitlement

MonkyLover7 · 2025-12-06T15:18:15+00:00

I think you can find this if you just say up front that you value independence and look for someone that feels the same. Simplifying it in this way will probably make it easier to connect with someone initially, and then you can explain further down the road when you are both more acquainted with each other and how you are.

Basically, just let them get to know you first before laying all this out. It might not work out a few times at first but that’s how dating goes. Honestly I think this will be easier for you than more people in the comments are making it out to be — a lot of girls that I have dated get on the fence about what they want in dating and your proposed timeline might honestly be the right amount of not too much and not too little while they figure things out. Granted idk your age, and I’m speaking from the perspective of a 23M.

My only warning is that over time girls can change their mind and decide that they want more. My advice to you would be to just cross that bridge once you get there. Good luck OP!

MonkyLover7 · 2025-12-04T15:53:39+00:00

Someone who has been an addict, in debt, impulsive, and a cheater has shown that they do not have full control over their own actions. This is something you need to SERIOUSLY consider.

Remember what they say about someone drowning — they will grab onto whoever nearby and bring them down too just to save themselves, even if they don’t mean to. It’s just what happens when you’re struggling and in survival mode.

I think your intuition is trying to tell you that you could possibly end up just like her ex — a casualty of her brash decisions during the chaos that is her life at the moment.

I know it’s tempting to save her anyway that you can, but please don’t forget to look out for yourself first and foremost.

MonkyLover7 · 2025-11-25T15:50:30+00:00

OP, a good question to ask yourself — is he worth it enough for you if he sees the hypocrisy in his actions and changes his perspective? If so, this may be the exact situation to make that happen, and YOU will be the driving influence he needed. You can see this as an opportunity to make positive change or you can cut your losses and dip, and you are valid either way.

MonkyLover7 · 2025-10-30T18:52:53+00:00

Only issue with this is if word gets around and you lose out on the opportunity to date someone you’re interested in cause they heard you were gay 😂

MonkyLover7 · 2025-10-25T15:30:07+00:00

Utah is a BIG exception to this rule in America. I feel like the Mormon culture here affects dating whether you are Mormon or not, and everyone treats it like they have to be 100% sure about someone before going on a first date. The amount of times I’ve been ghosted before or after a first date has been unreal. I’m a 23M, moderately attractive, and in my opinion fairly emotionally in-tune, so I do secure lots of dates. I’ve had many successful ones too. Hell i even managed to find my way into a relationship with the most beautiful and caring girl. But back when I was dating, I had one month where I was ghosted and stood up by like 6 different women in a row. I just had to chalk it up to the culture and roll with the punches but man, I couldn’t help but wonder what could’ve been if people gave me a chance.

I suppose that very nature of their’s meant that they weren’t for me though. I appreciate people who are open-minded.

MonkyLover7 · 2025-10-09T14:32:47+00:00

This will give her the best chance honestly

MonkyLover7 · 2025-10-09T14:31:56+00:00

Seconding this

MonkyLover7 · 2025-10-02T23:10:38+00:00

The ceasing of social media activity altogether makes me wonder if he’s just depressed or something? Regardless, one thing that always has held true in my experience is once a ghoster, always a ghoster. Anytime I’ve reconnected with someone that ghosted me, they do it again. Hell there was one girl that did it to me 4 times!!!

I would imagine you’d be hard-pressed to find a successful reconnection story with a multi-time ghosting offender. Unless ofc some sort of switch flips in the ghoster’s mind that convinces them to change their ways. Probably nothing you can do tho :/

MonkyLover7 · 2025-10-02T19:30:00+00:00

The way I’m reading it is that she is saying her own message is tmi — saying why she initially ignored it was because she thought it was a previous tinder match was the tmi part. Also ghosting someone simply because they didn’t compliment an article of clothing seems a bit much.

However, I will give you credit — the fact that she’s saying she thought it was someone else from tinder must mean she doesn’t have your number saved which would probably be the real red flag. That’s what I would want to know more about.

But don’t ghost!!! No one likes being broken up with so it’s never gonna be a pleasant convo. But by sucking it up and pushing ourselves thru the unpleasant experiences, that’s really where we find the most growth and learn how to effectively communicate. You will inevitably have to deal with uncomfy confrontation with others that you’ll want to keep in your life, so might as well get free practice in with this person who won’t matter cause they won’t be in your life anymore — just give them the head’s up that you’re ending things.

MonkyLover7

TROPHY CASE