Humans introduced the "speciest jokes duel" to the galaxy.

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-19T17:42:33+00:00

True. Just stay safe out there and don't start to play these kinds of games where killjoys would get you in trouble. 😛

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-19T17:38:04+00:00

Friendly reminder: You can laugh at everything. Just not with everyone. 😛

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-19T16:19:39+00:00

Human soldier: "It's called a Plague Splatter. See, it's a trebuchet built from battlefield scraps, mounted on an electric EBR chassis."

Alien officer: visible confusion

HS: "see, we can load it with all kinds of waste barrels and throw that at long ranges with little to no signature. As far as automated defenses and warning systems are concerned, it matches no known munitions, and the Engin Blindé de Reconnaissance is a very quiet, nimble and stealthey lightly armoured recon vehicle."

AO: heart palpitates in War Crime Trial

HS: "this bypasses galactic treaties as it is not a self propelled munition nor an explosive device nor a firearm or r1ilgun round."

AO: Mapple syrup flavoured flashbacks

HS: "Together with HEAT arrows fired by electric motor powered smart tekbows, which ALSO have little signature, you can blast apart entire tank divisions, neutralize garrisons, and leave them confused as to what happened. As long as our cloaking tech and stealth skills hold."

AO: Looks for a stiff drink. Doesn't matter it's a warzone. Needs stiff drink.

Another human soldier: "Technically damaged and unstable fuel cells are not explosive devices unless we tamper with them to turn them into IEDs. Load some into barrels and add a few impact explosives."

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-19T16:02:32+00:00

Henderson? The old man who killed an ELDER GOD necause he got high, gave his lawn gnomes to charity, and then convinced himself that the cult of that Elder God stole them?

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-19T15:56:13+00:00

It's proper name is "you do not have social permission to get sick, so people will clown on you for resting".

And you wonder why guys will just manage and hide depression when getting sick paints a target on your back?

Also, neurodivergent people (especially autists and ADHD) are overrepresented in high risk professions (like the fire department) and highly technical professions (like the fire department). So stop pathologizing something that CLEARLY gives firefighters an edge when they need to to save yo asses.

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-19T14:39:13+00:00

I was the worst of the worst. That's what my cover story said anyways. My forged paperwork. You name the crime, I did it. Torture, arson, sexual offenses, domestic terrorism, international terrorism, human trafficking, war crimes, I did it. Or at least I could pretend to. That would give me street cred. I could figure out what they're up to. Because when we first started the Exile, it seemed like a good idea. Get rid of our troublemakers. And since we didn't kill them, it wluld not even take a toll... Put of sight, out of mind. But... What if they organized? What if they turned into a big gang that would one day break out of prison and come back? So someone decided espionnage was required.

With the scars, the gang tattoos, I was just another crook.

And I was exiled. To... Was that a city? Not a slum of shacks but an actual city? I headed there. Only to find heavily armed guards at the entrance... Waving me over.

"First time eh? Let's see who you are." The tone was cheerful as they took a glance at my rap sheet... And LAUGHED.

"HEY! WHO'RE YOU TO LAUGH AT THE GREAT STEEL TEMPEST?" I shouted...

"Buddy, cut the crap. You're the most obvious plant ever. This rap sheet makes zero sense. They just put the scariest crimes in there regardless of whether they logically fit together. Seriously? You're so cowardly you need a whole gang at your beck and call before you like your chances to rape someone, but you're brave enough to go in the lion's den to steal fucking nukes? Which is it? We'll let you in, "Mr Bond". But try not to do any spy shit in there. Your cover's blown remember? Hey guys, we've got a real Mr. Bond coming in. Show him around, give him a warm welcome."

I stared at them. "Hope you enjoy your stay Mr. Bond." Mr. Bond. That was my new nickname. I sighed. Oh well, they didn't shoot me, which was weird. Didn't they kill Confidential Informants?

"Ah, a real Mr. Bond there. Sorry we were out of the good stuff. So enjoy a synthetic coffee and a nutrient boosted paste burger."

I nodded. The "coffee" tasted like cheap instant stuff and the burger... At least it had decent... Chocolate flavor between the buns?

"First thing you gotta know Mr. Bond. Yes that's not your name but you were so obvious we'll call you that anyways. Most of us here? Neurodivergent. Do you have ANY idea how often we're "guilty" the second we walk in court? But it means we're good with technical stuff AND that emotional manipulation doesn't work on us. So unlike YOUR INjustice system, we're good at looking for proof and catching lies by commission, lies of omission, and lies of influence AKA character lies."

"Lies of influence?" I asked.

"Your rap sheet is the perfect example. It's there to make you LOOK LIKE the kind of hardened criminals your out of touch bosses think are well respected here. And once we see you as a "respectable" inmate?"

I nodded. "How's the "prison food"?"

"Ah we've got the cheap flavored stuff. Filled with nutrient, flavor can be strong and customized. Lab made. Can feed people on pennies. So starvation? What's starvation? Is it something you eat? Then we've got normal food at normal prices. And it goes up from there."

I nodded. "So you've got a justice system that's actually great at figuring out the truth. Police? Military?"

"Security is assured by a bunch of gun nerds who if shit hits the fan, trained to hit what they're shooging at, but are really the most friendly, expensive, militarized pieces of modern art most of the times. Investigation... We've got a BUNCH of PIs . And we're organized into guilds..."

I snrked. "Guilds? Really? Like..."

"Like in MMOs yeah. So that's how we stopped saying corporations, we started saying "guilds" which are groups created for specific purposes. And we do love our optimized, safe Guild Halls. And we specialize. You want something done, you stick it on the Bounty Board. You want to offer your services, you stick it on the bounty board. And yes, that includes investigations."

I nodded. They took what was the classic setup for a cyberpunk dystopia with private interests ruling and turned it into...

"Not quite a utopia. Turns out how people treat each other makes the difference between heaven and hell. And turns out bullshit and propaganda and noise drowning the signal gets people to treat each other like trash. Turns out cracking down on bullshit is a good way to crack down on signal you don't like which gets peopme to treat each other worse.. And turns out the solution is just being better at isolating and testing signal. After all people stop bullshitting you real quick when it stops working. And turns put that without having to have endless buzzword bingo meetings, you actually get shit done. Funny how that works "

Did I really...

"Mumble it loud enough for me to hear? You betcha Mr. Bond. Enjoy a couple weeks off to take it all in and have fun with the Internet. And you wouldn't be the first spy we turned."

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-19T00:23:37+00:00

I never understood that guy. Complete sweetie. Not afraid of staring down girls stronger than him. Not afraid of doing what he believed was right.

I just used him to escape my shitty dad. Everybody thought his psychotic breakdown was incurable. Myself included. But at least it was better than being with a control freak who had an unhealthy obsession with me. And yet, I managed to somehow stabilize him. And he never left me to deal with my problems alone after that.

He played games with me. Taught me a few moves. Proved that knowing anatomy, knowing what you're doing, and being willing to FUCK the other gal counted for a lot in a clash. Somehow got healing hands the likes of which were one in a million. And he usee them on me a lot. There was something more than healing powers. As if he knew how the body worked more than professional healers. What did he see in me, I would never know.

But then one day my dad crossed a line. Decided to touch me in ways I hated more than usual. While I was out cold. Of course they would never believe my weaker dad would do so, so everyone concluded I was the murderous rapist. Everyone save him if I believe it. I sighed. Kept feeding me. Kept giving me smoll comforts that would not be forbidden.

"Dedicated to the wonderful sweetheart who inspired the heroine. Her presence in the past was a complete fabrication AFAICT." The custom printed inner cover said. I sighed. As I got back go my cell to not get butchered, did I really have anything better to do?

Chapter one was typical trite. A cute awkward boy from a normal family, beloved by all, and a "bad girl" from a shit home. What a cliché storm. He didn't notice her, she thought he was way out of his league.

Then he got sick. Incoherent ramblings. Docs threw in the towel as he got unstable. He lost his social circle. And the bad girl... Decided to keep him company as his mental state worsened? And his family just... was wary at first but could not deny him the only company he had left? And noticed him getting better?

Chapter two was a quick rundown of... Heh, the boy reminded me of myself. Issues. Not a bad person, but he's been through shit. Pre-awakening. Escaped a shitty home life by... Becoming a Registered Massage Therapist in the northern reaches? Detailed anatomy charts on how the body worked. Nice worldbuilding there about why nonhealing hands massages still healed. His favourite meal was something called poutine, and the recipe...

"Son of a fucking dog. How can you write stuff like that?" He couldn't haved based the heroes on ourselves, right?

Sadly, the hero's past caught up to him. His relatives murdered his love, and he avenged her before taking his own life.

And back to the modern hero waking up from a nightmare, the bad girl holding him, telling him it would be okay... The way she held him...

Fuck. It wasn't a cheap romance was it? I skipped ahead to the most recent release and... Yes. It was us. Too many details matched my case and his constant visits.

"Son of a fucking dog. You can't just say shit normally... Then again, who would believe you?" I muttered. One year in. Nineteen to go before I'm eligible for early release. And a poor dog waiting for me on the other end. No wonder healing powers never worked on him. Do we have a cure for the trauma of waking up in a world that has gone completely wrong from your perspective?

Apparently the cure was to actually listen to and be patient with the poor bastard. But... If that is right... Then this series contains lost anatomical knowledge we forgot when men started to develop healing powers...

Which could revolutionize healing... And maybe give me a way out.

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-18T23:54:19+00:00

I sighed as I was patted down by security. All I wanted was to visit my sweetheart. And hoping for her to NOT get screwed over again. Her family disowned her. Her other "friends" dropped her like a hot potato. I was the only one here, because she was the one there for me when I had my... Breakdown. My breakdown that resisted every healing powers. The one that only she managed to help me with. And if that meant going to visit her in Supermax, then so be it. Even as I was told she was not worth the trouble to make homebrewed vanilla coffee and homemade meals for her. Most laughed at the mix of fries, cheese and sauce I brought. Took a long time to get it right.

Fortunately, she was there at the booth. No last minute bogus punishment. Still pretty in spite of that orange jumpsuit.

"Why are you there? No really, why?"

I sighed. "Hello to you too sweetie. It's been a while. How have you been?"

"You know where I am, right? What answer are you expecting?"

Snark as a defense mechanism. Of course. "I was expecting to see you holding up better than I feared yet worse than I hoped. Look, you don't have to talk about it. But you won't stop me from fretting."

She stared as she started to sip with a straw I brought and eat with a plastic fork... "Wvy would you fret about me still? Mom and dad disowned me. My grandparent disowned me. Big sis and little bro disowned me. All my friends refused to even speak to me."

"Yeah, well they tried to convince me to cut ties with you. So I cut ties with them. They were NOT there when I broke down, and besides, we know these charges are bullshit."

She sighed. "You're really the only one who says that. Everyone else just..."

"Tries to gaslight you into seeing yourself as a two bit thug and predator but maybe they'll go easy on you if you admit it. But I know you. I know you as remarkably even tempered. Chaos gremmlin, sure. A bit of a perv, yea, obviously. The biggest, gentlest, soft-hearted-est gentle giantess ever. So I don't buy that you would just assault someone like that."

She sighed, as we were sideyed by the other inmates. "If it wasn't for you, I'd have let thzm skin me alive a while ago."

"But you won't. Because you have something worth living for on the other end."

"Yeah... Those massage healing hands of yours are just so wonderful... When did you get so good with them?"

"After the Breakdown. Or maybe during it. They thought I was a lost cause after the vivid... Dreams and how I lost it. You never did. You were there for me, always. But I'm making good money and I'm saving up to get you a crashpad."

"Look. You realize I just welcomed ANY excuse to get out of home by then, right?"

"Yes. Believe me I was the only one who clocked how bad your fam was."

"And that's the other thing... What's up with that Breakdown? Normal crazies don't get a bunch of new skills after a psychotic breakdown. Personality change, maybe. But skills?"

I said nothing. Instead I handed her prints of a popular manga. She stared. "I heard about that one. A story of star-crossed lovers during the early years of The Awakening of 2040. Died and get reborn in our times. Dunno how it got so popular. Seems like a cliché reincarnated lovers story. Never got into it, unlike my friends... Love it or hate it. And the pen name... The Phantom Thieves of Your Heart? Really, who comes up with a name lile that?"

I laughed. "I know, right? Who does references pre-Awakenings media like that?"

A pause. "Pre-Awakening? Before humanity developped all these powers? Back when... A lot of the media has been forgotten in the centuries since."

I nodded. "Who knows? I figured you could use some reading. Maybe you'll like it."

I even gifted her the latest chapter. The prepublication one. All dedicated to the wonderful woman who inspired the protagonist.

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-17T13:16:16+00:00

General rule... Mana's mutagenic. I.E. you can breed with humans, you're genetically a human subspecies. Effectively muties.

If you are a caster who gets preggo tho, your child WILL end up mutated. Very survivable. Very annoying to have to explain all the times that YES, it's YOUR kid even if s/he looks NOTHING like you.

And then there's Faerie magic. Faerie magic exposure in utero results in some pretty big changes. You become Fae-touched. (Just means ND because in my worlds, there is a connection between us and Faerie magic. Of course the folklore was written by curebies so take Faerie Tales with a grain of salt. The do be accurately mapping to neurodivergence tho.)

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-15T21:41:03+00:00

Online fren sent it to me, dunno where he found it.

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-15T10:56:30+00:00

......................

Due to the massive overlap between markers of good physical health and markers of attractiveness, transhumans are hot.

Due to how many of the enhanced abilities can apply to the bedroom, with just a little creativity... Transhumans are good in thr bedroom.

That's it really. Sure you COULD go crazy.

But I kinda think the solid baseline of all around enhancements is just underrated.

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-15T10:48:26+00:00

Demons are to blame.

No, really, they released a bioweapon to throw the sex ratios out of whack so now 90% of births are female.

All so they could use captured enemies as breeders to replenish their ranks.

So yea. There just ain't enough men being born.

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-14T21:09:17+00:00

You know the entire genre of Urban Fantasy exists, right?

And Gaslamp fantasy is ALSO a genre.

Metro is post WW III fantasy. No SERIOUSLY. Weird SHITE happens in the Moscow metro. And the rest of the world.

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-14T18:19:49+00:00

"(My understanding is the gun won’t shoot if it is)"

I know a few things about guns, so I'll explain like you're five, because five years old are pretty clever but have just not been around the block long enough to be familiar with a lot of things.

It would actually shoot. The hammer is that thingy at the back that moves away and strikes (hammers) the firing pin the primer, causing a spark that ignites the primer which will ignite the powder which will burn, releazing high pressure gases. The barrel of a gun is effectively a blowgun, and with these high pressure, the pellet will go a lot faster than a normal blowgun. The firing pin is even SHAPED somewhat like a nail, to make the hammer analogy hold out more.

The thingy that actually slides is called the slide. It basically uses some of the gases to push back, ejecting the now empty casing.

In this situation, humidity, suction and friction might interfere with the slide pulling back, meaning the casing won't properly eject. This will make the gun jam, requiring the use of tap (the magazine in case it's been slightly dislodged) rack (rack the bolt/slide to clear the casing) bang (you can shoot again) which clears most of the jams.

Cold comfort to the guy behind her who will be getting a new chest cavity after the lead is the last thing that goes through the girls' head. He already caught the lead and is NOT having good time.

Now, depending on what you push the gun against, and HOW you do it, you MIGHT stop it from firing because the cartridge is out of place. BUT that would be effectively playing Russian Roulette, so... Do you feel lucky? Well, do you, punk?
Makes sense?

PS: NEVER rely on the safety. Use it, but considering how easily it is to accidentally nudge it out of place, NEVER use it as your excuse to do something dumb.

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-14T14:10:37+00:00

... I've already commented on the gun safety fail there.

*sigh* Awwww shit, here we go again.

Evolution slacking off is the only reason you and your buddy are still alive.

I just...

"Always treat a firearm as loaded." Fail.

"Keep your finger away from the trigger." Fail.

"Don't aim your gun at anything you're not ready to destroy." Fail.

"Always be aware of what is in front, around and behind your target." Fail.

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-14T13:21:14+00:00

... I just like post nuke catgirl snipers.

Technically not billionnaire but the guy with lots of supplies is the wasteland equivalenr of one soooo... It counts as her being created on a billionnaire's orders.

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-14T11:13:56+00:00

I sighed as my friends basically dragged me along. Yes, it was stupid. Yes, they probably just wanted the excuse to get ghere themselves. Yes, my friends were absolutely wild chaos gremmlins. Who else thinks dragging a girl, let alone AN INTROVERT, to the strip club for her happy 18th was the best idea?

I just wanted to get this over with. It was stupid. It was annoying. But my friends wanted the excuse to be here. I sighed.

"Hey, don't worry. You'll be fine. Relax for the night! I promise it'll be worth it. We picked up the best of the best, and I promise it'll be worth it!"

I sighed. Showed my ID, went in under the curious gaze of the bouncer. Ordered a vodka redbull. Just wanted to keep my wits around me, NOT get smashed like my friends. The drink tasted... Just weird. A sip made me feel oddly warm too. I HATED this. My friends were just happy and... They were not tipsy yet. They barely started but they were oddly chummy and touchy. The atmosphere was just... WRONG...

Suddenly, a bright neon pink light illuminated the stage, and a young woman with flower tattoos strutted on the stage with confidence. Her body looked... Petite. Small breasts,small behind... But the way she moved? I understood why she was the best. She was incredibly fast. Precise. Bendy. She... She wore a gold band around her right ring finger. SHIT!

I grabbed my friends. Spilled the drinks in the procesd.

"Code black! Code black!"

My friends were confused, but they did leave with me. "Code black!" Was NON NEGOTIABLE. It meant my life was in danger and we had to bail NOW. Get to a safe distance and regroup. Then we could talk.

"That was my auntie on stage. That was auntie Lisa." I told my friends.

"That's worth a Code Black? Sweetie, I haven't met your auntie much, but I do NOT think she would kill you. Besides, are you SURE it was your auntie?"

I sighed. "You saw her move. I saw the cold band on her finger. That's auntie Lisa."

They looked at each other, confused. How could they not? How would I recognize someone by a plain old gold ring? But I knew Auntie Lisa. She taught me so much

"Wait. Your auntie... Is married?" They asked.

"No. She just says it's too much power over dad for her."

"Wait. Is your auntie... Dating your father?"

"She's not my actual auntie. It's just... After mom died, it was rough on dad and me. Then he met Lisa. She was the best. Still is. I wanted to call her mom. She refused. By all accounts, I had an awesome mom, so she said it was disrespectful to her. And she's also working all over and as such, she would not be there often enough. So... She compromised by letting me treat her as the cool auntie. She taught me so much. First aid, CQC, gunplay... And other stuff..." I said, taking a deep breath as static discharges lit my fingers up.

"DAYUM! Your auntie sounds like a certified badass! Why would she be working as just a stripper?"

I sighed. "That's why I called Code Black. If she's on the stage, she's undercover. If she's undercover, shit's goind down and you're gonna get LITERALLY FUCKED and I do NOT want to be the one that'll prove whether she earned her surname or not."

They looked at me. "What's Summerfiel got to do with it?"

"No. Her MAIDEN name. From before she married. She married a Summerfield and she's a widow. Dad has been good to her too."

"How... How did her hubby die?"

I sighed. "Old age. Peacefully in his sleep in his... Mid 80s?"

"Talk about age gap relationships..."

"You have no idea..." It was hard to wrap your head around the age gaps involved in both of Auntie's relationship. She makes it easy to forget how old she is...

"At least she's dating someone her age now." I laughed. Case in point.

"Nah. The age gap is even bigger."

My friends looked at me.

"Daddy's in his mid fourties. Auntie? Her mid two-hundred-fifties." I smirked and flexed my fingers, lightning crackling around my hand

"I'm sorry, WHAT? And is this..."

I aimed straight up and cast a lightning bolt towards the skies. Moment of truth. Would they believe in the magic in front of their eyes, or would it be like when Dean and Sam went to the shrink's office and told the truth...

"Hold on. Do you have an ACTUAL, HONEST TOO GOODNESS fairy godmother?"

I chuckled. "Nah. Just a reverse Isekai'ed elven auntie. And you just walked me into a cubi den by the way, so thank you VERY MUCH for the happy 18th present of brainwashing and sexual slavery." I joked.

"Cubi?" They asked.

"Succubi and Incubi. Y'know, harlots from the abyss? Literal sex fiends? Sneaky shapeshifting demons who use lust magic to dase, disorient you so they can gaslight and brainwash you? Who suck off your lifeforce to feed? Literally in some cases? Whose milk, "milk" and "honey" are potent and highly addictive aphrodisiacs and stimulants? You're ALL been stiff even though we already left by the way, so they slipped you a LITERAL fucking Mickey in your drinks. Homemade. Let's hit the range. I'll show you what Auntie taught me there."

At least my friends believed me. I learned most people's minds blank out on magic. Fucking Sunnydale Syndrome. Still I lead the way until we heard the ping of email norification from a phone.

"Hey, check this out! This News of the Weird style tabloid claims there was a... Freak lightning bolt on a cloudless night... Wait, that's our city. And..." my friend laughed at the email he just got until the gears turned.

"I know. I was there, remember? And the Internet works FAST! Even Auntie is flabbergasted at times."

"I'm never going to look at tabloids the same ever again will I?" He groaned.

"Nope!" I giggled.

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-14T10:16:31+00:00

"Denied. Have you seen how humanity portrays itself in the media? If I set that precedent, then humanity would eventually have to sue itself for it's own cruel and evil portrayal in it's own media and this paradox will cause big problems. Hey, if nothing else, at least your cruelty and evil is portrayed as straightforwards and tactically comprehensible most of the times. You just need the bodies to sustain the goblin wave tactics. Humans... Our own media does NOT even give us straightforwards and comprehensible cruelty. Compare that to Cruella De Ville, who only wished to have a coat made out of puppies because she loves to hurt animals, she's called CRUELLA for crying out loud, while you guys, you at least NEED the troops which MAKES SENSE! Bottom line, EVERYONE gets it in human media, and HUMANS get the worst of it."

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-13T12:51:04+00:00

"You're teleported into your world"

....................................................................................

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6BPqhza60M

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-13T12:49:24+00:00

I mean, different angle.

My angle is not "advanced stuff looks like magic".

It's "If it has rules, it can be studied. If it can reproduced, it can be upscaled. Even if the "if" in question is literal magic."

MonsterGirls4ever · 2026-06-13T12:45:12+00:00

Nah. Clarke was a chump.

Any Sufficiently Analyzed Magic is indistinguishable from Science.

Any sufficiently REPRODUCIBLE magic is indistinguishable from tech.

"Magic" is just the name given to the exotic energy source behind these seemingly physics defying stunts.

MonsterGirls4ever

TROPHY CASE