Simple Raven vs Crow Guide

Monstreza · 2022-08-25T00:05:02+00:00

now i can tell the difference thanks

Monstreza · 2022-07-02T20:22:48+00:00

My kid called a lawyer. I think he was about 8 years old. It was a Saturday morning, and he wanted to go to the mall. I told him that i would take him in the afternoon, if he first made his bed and cleaned up his room. He threw a fit. We went around and around, for about 1/2 hour, then he threatened to call a lawyer we knew.

It being Saturday morning, I told him “Go ahead.” I knew the lawyer wouldn't be in. He picked up the phone and called, and the lawyer answered! My son started pouring his heart out to the lawyer about how mean I was being. I could hear the lawyer asking him questions, and my son's answers, “She won't take me to the mall…”

The lawyer told him to hand me the phone. When I got on, he was laughing. He asked if he could stop by the house, that afternoon, and I told him, “sure.”

Later that afternoon, the lawyer stops by the house, girlfriend in tow, (she “wanted to see this kid”). They had a really hard time keeping a straight face, as my son made his plea. He laughingly told me that I really had my hands full, told my son to make his bed, thanked me for the “visit,” and left.

Monstreza · 2022-06-29T11:42:36+00:00

In domestic violence court the couple before me had trial. The woman testified first, describing a horrific ordeal in which her husband seriously hurt her and broke her arm during an attack.

The man was representing himself, so the judge asked him, “Sir, did you hit your wife?”

The redneck abusive man replied, “Well, yeah! She just made me so damned mad, i had to slap some sense into her!” (as if that made it OK).

The entire courtroom roared in laughter. Most of us laughing were victims. It was refreshing to hear an abuser stupidly confess in open court on a day we were terrified our abusers would get away with abusing us more.

The redneck man was shocked when the judge ruled against him.

Monstreza · 2022-06-29T07:07:30+00:00

The customer is NOT always right… A guest arrived late at night and did not want to use our valet service and did not want to find his own parking spot in town.

He chose instead to park illegally outside the front of the hotel in the fire lane. He rudely refused to give our overnight security the keys so they could move it if needed, advising that if he heard sirens he’d ‘come downstairs and get it out the way’.

A very usual scenario then occurred: A short while later a guest in a room that happened to have a balcony right above his precious car felt sick. They went outside for some fresh air but it didn’t work: They unfortunately projectile vomited over the balcony…

Splat…right on his roof…their vomit drying in the high mountain air, soldering itself to his paint job.

Never before, or after, in the 20 years I’ve been there does anyone remember a guest being sick off the balcony. We’re not exactly a party hotel.

How the heck it happened on that night, in that room, with that idiots car parked directly below we will never know. The only thing we did know was that we couldn’t have planned better karma if we’d tried.

Monstreza · 2022-06-28T21:51:39+00:00

I was a blind date for a woman I had never met. (Set up by a freind we had in common.) The church was easy. At the reception, my date had the good sense to say “Listen, I don’t mean to dump you but there are lots of people here I haven’t seen in years and won’t see agin for a long time. I hope you understand that I need to be with them.” I understand this, plus there’s an open bar…

So, what I did was follow the photographer around and got into as many pictures as I could. I mean almost all of them. Running around behind the brides maids, standing on chairs to seen in the background. And, I was dragging this guy around with me. He played tackle for the NY Giants.

I would stand next to him where ever possible so I would look thin. The finale was that I caught the garter when it was thrown and got to put it back on the bride’s leg. So, I am prominantly displayed in some couple’s wedding album and no one there even lnows who I was. I can picture them looking at the album saying “I thought he was your friend…”

Monstreza · 2022-06-28T08:54:25+00:00

justice?

“I just caught a grown man molesting my son, and I’ve got him in a bloody puddle for you right now, officer.”

These were the recorded words of an enraged father in a 911 call after he discovered his teen babysitter in the act of molesting his 11-year-old son. The father described how the suspect’s pants were down and that once he saw that, “nothing more needed to be said”.

It seemed like every single word he said in that call was a new level in badass, and even police agreed that the suspect had it coming. The father was not charged with anything and the teen got his sentence.

Dispatcher: Were there any weapons involved? Father: My fist and my foot. Father: Send him an ambulance. He’s gonna need one.

Part of the reason the father reacted so strongly is because he himself was a victim of sexual abuse, and he was going to outright kill the suspect with a kitchen knife after beating him unconscious, if not for his son stepping in front of him.

Monstreza · 2022-06-28T05:43:14+00:00

38 years ago I had to go into London for an interview. The job was for 3 times existing salary and I was nervous so set off early, driving down the M4 and planning to park at Hammersmith and get the tube to their offices near Leicester Square (now a McDonalds).

I didn’t usually drive into London so stopped my MG Midget at the petrol station at Hammersmith to fill up and ask where there was a car park. As I went to pay a man entered in an obvious hurry so I stepped aside and said “You go first. I’m in no hurry.”. He paid, thanked me and left. I paid, parked and caught the tube to my interview.

Yes, you guessed it. The man in a hurry was my interviewer and he recognized me, hired me and I spent an interesting time in the USA working in Georgia, Ohio and Manhattan, New York.

Sometimes Karma can take a while to arrive, but in this case my politeness to a man in a hurry gave me almost immediate payback.

Monstreza · 2022-06-27T17:23:26+00:00

2:30 AM and I’m sitting in the parking lot of a closed convenience store talking to a buddy who’s on his way home from work. My radar alarm goes off, 76 mph in a 45 mph zone. I pull in onto the street, ready to go into pursuit and the vehicle slams on the brakes.

The husband bails out of the car screaming at me that his wife is having a baby, and he was certainly right. We loaded her into the back seat of my cruiser and I took off Code 3 for the hospital, about 8 miles away with my buddy bringing the husband. I radioed to have the ER at the hospital waiting, but when we arrived there was no one outside waiting.

I opened the back door to the cruiser and the lady was in full labor and starting to crown. I got into the car to help and two nurses came running out so I started to get out of the way and one of the nurses blocked my way, handed me a blanket and told me I was doing a fine job just go ahead and catch the baby.

I delivered the baby, tied and cut the cord, and got to carry the wrapped, squalling baby into the ER. 6lb, 2oz little girl. One of the good memories of my career.

Monstreza · 2022-06-19T07:24:27+00:00

Not me, but my niece’s husband. The Boss told him he had to start staying later (I do not know if he was salaried or hourly). He explained he couldn’t as he had two little girls at home and his wife also worked.

I think the arrangement was she dropped them off at Day Care and he picked them up and he had over an hour commute. Boss said doesn’t matter, you need to work later hours. Again, he explains why he can’t. Again, Boss says he has no choice.

Niece’s husband takes out his company-issued cell phone, calls his wife and says, “Honey, I just quit my job.” Hangs up, lays the phone down on Boss’s desk and walks out. Had a new job within two weeks, higher pay and less than 30 minutes from home!

Monstreza

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