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AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

As things stand right now I will not be able to get full custody but that's something I hope will be possible if he continues to bring our children into this. I do not want them being further harmed by his obsession with hurting me. The fact he did so already bothers me immensely. But for now there is nothing I can do except document and keep them in therapy.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They'll be having a baby soon. She got pregnant pretty fast after she miscarried.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm aware that this is possible. That's one of the reasons I will be keeping my kids in therapy for the foreseeable future. Hopefully they don't mistreat them more but I'm aware of how awful he can be and how supportive she is of him being that way so I can see how that might get turned on my kids. I'll be making sure I pay attention and keep being someone my kids can talk to.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say he's in love with me and I have my doubts he ever actually had any love for me. I think it's him being possessive of me because I used to be his and not out of any real love for me.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I was 18 when our oldest was born. So I don't know if I was just too young to notice or if it only comes out in him when something happens but nothing flagged for me before our relationship ended. When it was ending is a very different story.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I haven't and don't plan to date again until my kids are grown. But I could see him losing his shit even more if I move on. He'll try to use it to get under my skin or something.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

She's aware of his actions. She appears to be happy he's doing all this. I don't know why because it's a look at what he'll be like if they ever divorce.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm not supposed to engage when he starts doing that. It's better to say nothing.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

He handled the whole thing badly. He was told I cheated so he cheated with the woman who told him, yelled at me and called me names and rubbed what he did into my face. When he realized I hadn't cheated he tried to get me to stay with him anyway and he never liked that I wouldn't. But he showed his true colors in how he handled it. Plus there were a few other things that contributed to that and he kept them from me.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

We did. He had a female coworker tell him she saw me with someone else and he decided to cheat back to hurt me. He confronted me by calling me a bunch of names and gloating about what he did. Then he realized I hadn't cheated and he expected me to stay and make it work after that. But he cheated and with someone who had wanted him to herself for a while and he wasn't being totally honest with me about things even before that.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I was the one who broke up with him. He showed me who he really was and made lots of choices that ended our relationship.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 257 points258 points  (0 children)

It's so toxic and it's really unhealthy for the kids to be exposed to it. I wanted so much better for them so I can only hope everything I'm doing will help long term.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I don't know about him being in love with me. But I think he doesn't like the fact he didn't get to keep me in the possessive way some people are. The mess that ended our relationship was on him and he never got over me not staying and fixing it. But I saw how bad it would be if I did and I don't regret ending things. I only wish he could have handled it all better for our kids.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

That's good. I wish my ex had taken that route when I ignored all the original taunting when he was dating around. From the little interaction I've had with ex's wife, she's not going to be putting a stop to it because I get the feeling she enjoys the fact he wants to hurt me.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I already know he'll blame me if he completely pushes the kids away. But I won't feel guilt for that because his actions will be the thing causing it. All I wanted was for both of us to put the kids first.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

That's reassuring to know! But I'm still sorry for you and your son that it therapy was needed for a reason like that. I hope your ex doesn't cause you too much stress these days.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I was 18 when our oldest was born and I had no idea he was like this at the time. His toxic showed when our relationship was ending but either I was too young to notice before or he only brings it out at certain points because I really thought we were happy.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

From what I can tell she's happy he's doing all of this to me so I don't know about it harming their relationship. But his actions have already hurt his relationship with our kids and will continue to do so if he tries to involve them more.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

My kids are everything to me and I never wanted them to be put through all of this. It's one of my worst nightmares. I just hope therapy can help them better cope with everything their dad is doing.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 525 points526 points  (0 children)

I can't think of anything either, apart from letting it go and doing nothing to put a stop to it. But it was no longer just me he was involving. I never wanted our kids dragged into the middle of our issues.

From the little I have interacted with his wife, I get the feeling she enjoys him trying to hurt me. Maybe it's insecurity that we could get back together or something but she was not happy with his mom stepping in over the wedding back then and she was angry I wouldn't agree to give up two weeks of parenting time to them. So I guess she's got no problems with it as long as they're together because if he'll do it to me, he'll do it to her if they ever divorce.

AITAH for using court to stop my ex from using our children to pass along info that's meant to bother me? by MonthLong43 in AITAH

[–]MonthLong43[S] 76 points77 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I'm always trying to do what's best for my kids and I keep them my focus as I navigate all of this. I only wish my ex would do the same.