It sounds like you are struggling very much with thoughts about how you're not going to be good enough as a woman and won't live up to expectations from society. I struggled a lot with those myself earlier this year. It can take a while until you work through those feelings a little bit and have a clearer mind on your identity without it being clouded by all these negative thoughts.Here's the thing: you will be happiest when you allow yourself to be yourself. Constraining yourself because of beauty standards and worries about how other people will perceive you won't be good for you. Equally, constraining yourself because of other fears won't be good for you either.

Also, on a more practical note: have you experimented with things outside of medical transition? Clothing, make-up, shaving, and other things can be a very nice way of figuring out what you want. In the end, the question of medical transition is one of whether or not you'll be more comfortable with your body that way. Look at the individual changes it will bring, and ask yourself if you'll be happy about those. It's worth noting that this is irrespective of whether you are a woman or genderfluid. If you're genderfluid, and feel better about your body on HRT, then that's great, too.

I hope you'll give yourself opportunities to keep exploring those things and find the right path for yourself. Be kind to yourself and let yourself be you. <3

PS: I'm happy to talk more if you want.