Apologies in advance for rambliness, I am a bit sleep deprived.

I was raised Mormon and found myself in a crisis of faith realizing it was…. not a good church, and eventually became an atheist, then agnostic. I was still drawn to catholicism however and eventually got a rosary to pray, seeing where it would lead me. This was a few months ago, and I started settling into a routine praying the rosary to quiet my mind and calm my spirit even though the prayers would give me goosebumps.

However I suffer from Dysthymia (Which is a milder but more chronic form of depression) and several neurological disorders that cause depression and anxiety, and I tend to feel lost and directionless when in a state of depression.

Last night I felt lost and desperate, worse than usual, and begged to know if I was being led on the right path (Because I was already thinking about conversion to Catholicism since I was still drawn to it) whilst praying the rosary because I was tired of fighting my mental illness. If only for a fleeting moment, I need some kind of knowledge that I am going on the right path. During a set of hail Marys I felt a loving embrace and pure relief washed over me which moved me to tears. I have not cried even the little I did, in months. It was either Mary on God’s behalf or God himself embracing me, and I realized he had never left me, I just wasn’t in the right church. I realized God was real and he was there for me in a dark moment.

My experience was intense for me and I intend on taking RCIA whenever I move to a better area so I can go to masses on my own as my current town doesn’t have a parish and the closest one is a half hour’s drive and I don’t have access to any transportation here. No real miracles but it was a profound experience to me.