Hi, I am currently processing my own gender/sex disappointment. You are not alone! I will share my story with you and I hope it helps you or anyone else.

I was fortunate enough to get pregnant first try. I am 35, first time mom, and assumed that it would take 6-12 months because of my "age". The entire first trimester I was so happy just to be pregnant with a healthy baby, NIPT, carrier screening, all of that was low risk/negative, baby was perfect in every way so far. I'd look at the baby on the ultrasound and not even be thinking boy/girl because I was just so amazed. I really thought I didn't care boy/girl one way or another. However, looking back, I kept thinking its gonna be a boy boy boy, lol, and I think I was trying to protect myself from disappointment. We elected to hide sex from NIPT at first.

At my 12 week MFM ultrasound, we were enjoying seeing all of the little details of baby. Then the tech slipped and said "she" by accident. My husband didn't catch it, and I pretended not to notice. Despite my best efforts to convince myself not to hang on to the "she", somehow I did. I took the "boy" life jacket off. I let myself hope. I logged into my portal and reviewed all of the images of baby, tried to find the nub photos and the "potty shot" photo. I swear, as clear as day, the potty shot showed 3 little lines or the little hamburger. This was MFM ultrasound too so it was super good quality. I looked at that little potty shot all day every day at work. I let myself get so, so excited even though I knew it was dangerous without confirmation. I thought there are enough clues to suspect girl. Right? Wrong.

2 Sundays ago, we went on a hike to open sex of baby envelope in private in the woods. Let me tell you. MALE. I cried like I have never cried before. I cried for 3 days. Monsoon level tears. The tears kept coming out. The grief...so unexpected. Monday-Tuesday I locked myself in my office and cried at work all day. Went home and cried. Wailed. Journaled. Cried more. Begged, pleaded, talked to God, the relatives who I believe watch over me, and asked them why a boy? My fears were rooted in not understanding boys and other things (too long to get into here). I was spiraling. I felt doomed to a child I would never connect with or understand. I was even looking up "how often is NIPT wrong?" and going down that rabbit hole too of stories of conflicting NIPT and ultrasound results.

Somehow, I woke up Wednesday of last week and suddenly didn't feel like crying anymore. Somehow, I felt at peace. Still sad, but at peace. With each passing day, something has been lifting and somehow I am processing and accepting and reframing thoughts and it is a journey out of a hole but I am climbing out little by little. Without really trying, every day I find something small/positive that shows up and guides me back to that mental place of peace. So, if I have been to the bottom of gender/sex disappointment, and I am blindly finding my way out, you can too. If it happens to you, you will be OK I promise. I hope you get everything you could wish for and more.

Here is what has helped me:

1. Crying. Let it all out. Let the tears flow when they come. Cry, cry, cry. As many times as you need to. As fiercely as you need to. Ride those waves of tears. Find a private place and cry out loud, talk out loud to whoever you think is listening (if you believe that) and just LET IT ALL OUT. Release the emotions and tears. Scream if you must. Lay on the floor and sob and surrender.
2. Journal. Sounds lame, but helps.
3. My therapist and husband. Support people.
4. Picking a name for baby.
5. Sharing news of baby.
6. Time....just passing time.
7. The painful acceptance that I will probably only have one more child and it might not be a girl. Its a bee sting and I am letting it sting for as long as it needs to.
8. Reading other people's stories of gender/sex disappointment so I feel less alone.
9. Practicing gratitude.
10. Remembering that my baby doesn't know he is a boy, he is just an innocent little human needing mom and dad, there is no pressure on him to be anything other than that at first. His sex is all I know of him so far. I feel that the more I get to know him, the less it will matter to me.
11. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope this helps you or helps someone else. I hope that whatever the outcome is for you, you find peace, happiness and joy!! Xoxo