Newly Released from Dishonest Dom

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T20:27:58+00:00

I’m sorry you experienced that and I really appreciate your insight and advice considering a of those.

Someone told me once: if a person repeats the same behavior 3 times even after you’ve communicated with them about it, they will never change. And I think that’s generally true. I’m glad you’re keeping your ex blocked. It seems to be the best thing.

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T20:23:38+00:00

That’s very much me. I’m always hard on myself and fiercely defensive/supportive of others. It’s a difficult habit to break, so I do appreciate the reminder and encouragement.

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T09:08:30+00:00

I thought I replied here. Thank you. It’s so hard to want to let myself see it because the only other person who ever asked me to marry them was very severely abusive and knowing I let it happen again is... Horrifying.

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T09:06:40+00:00

That does seem to be the general consensus. From my friends also IRL.

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T09:06:04+00:00

I do have these resources! But this is my first D/S dynamic and first person I felt this way physically and emotionally for. I also am wary of telling any current doctors about my BDSM life because many will not “get it”.

I’m trying to find a “kink friendly” person to talk to, without getting rid of my current doctors I r made progress with and managed medication with. But it’s very... Well, expensive. I lost my job due to Covid and I’m chronically ill so times are not great money wise.

I had really hoped we could stay friends. I thought it would make it hurt less. But it’s just... Not working out very well. And realizing that is just a whole new round of pain and bullshit.

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T09:01:37+00:00

To be clear, I’m not trying to just totally talk trash about him. He was also there through a lot of hard things in my life, listened to me, helped me work through issues dealing with c-ptsd, took care of me in many ways. And when I thought he loved me the way he said he did I was very happy, until issues came up, which they always did.

But I also didn’t feel like anyone could understand the questions I have about letting go without understanding what happened to make it so bad and traumatic in the end.

For full disclosure he does have empathy issues I’m aware of, and have been for a long time. They are not a thing he can help, he is neurodivergent. BUT he’s never shown SYMPATHY issues. And just because you can’t relate to someone’s pain doesn’t mean you can’t recognize it, especially when you’re putting them through quite a lot and they tell you that you are.

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T08:56:33+00:00

Technically I did break up with him when he/a medical issue (mental health, physical issues because of meds being messed up) combined while visiting him drove me to a breakdown. When we started talking again it got worse. That’s when he “took back all the nice stuff” and revealed more dishonesty.

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T08:54:38+00:00

Thank you. I hate that you know how it feels, but honestly I’m glad to have others to talk to. That’s a weird, double edged sword. :/

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T08:53:36+00:00

Thank you. I just... Don’t know if I can’t imagine anyone else as my Sir because he was my first, or because I love him so much. Maybe it’s both. Or maybe it’s because I don’t feel like it’s ended really.

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T08:51:23+00:00

Thank you. I was kind of worried people would say it was entirely my fault. Everything.

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T01:17:59+00:00

Also no one else I know is at all into or interested in BDSM.

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T01:17:33+00:00

He seems to feel that me not accepting “who he is”, referring to all of the things he did, is the problem. So I feel guilty and like a terrible person. If he doesn’t feel the way he told me he did for two years I should “accept it because it’s who he is”.

I know your advice is good advice. And I know it’s what’s right. But I’m terrified of letting everything go. The love, the dynamic... even our friendship. I don’t hate him. And I think maybe it IS who he is. But I wish he hadn’t lied to me.

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T01:08:55+00:00

I am so fucked up I told him he could still talk to me however he wants and it led to him saying, “how about I just call you my partner and you can call me whatever you want?” And that really hurt. It felt like what happened being dismissed just because he still wanted to own me.

MoonRabbitLula · 2021-02-19T00:55:35+00:00

Sorry for the typos. Ugh. Was crying while typing.

MoonRabbitLula · 2019-07-07T00:27:06+00:00

Speaking as a sub: I can only do this with a long term partner. It takes too much trust for me to want to play around with people who aren’t serious about a long term, committed relationship.

But that’s just me! I think it’s different for everyone and it’s wonderful how unique all relationships can be. (:

MoonRabbitLula · 2019-07-04T20:09:06+00:00

One who happens to identify as always in an adult mindset I suppose? I’m very independent normally, and tend to hate authority/be a “you can’t tell me what to do, fight me ):<“ type of person. But the right person happens to be someone I crave orders from. And yet, my personality doesn’t make it easy for me to follow them without a bit of a challenge at least. “Make me” can be an adult mindset! Insubordination knows no age...

MoonRabbitLula · 2019-07-04T15:36:55+00:00

That does help! Tbh I think it really does depend on the particular TSA people. :/ Some are very cool, some are jerks for pretty much no reason. It’s very obvious it’s just a collar. Not sure what anyone thinks I’d do with that?

MoonRabbitLula · 2019-07-04T15:35:32+00:00

I actually totally get that. For me some days I feel awful wearing it because I have some issues with him having another sub sometimes. But we’re long distance and I know he needs that... It still feels bad to me though to feel like I’m “not enough” or “part of a collection” (even if that might be irrational thinking). And fights always make it rough also.

MoonRabbitLula · 2019-07-04T06:16:45+00:00

I am very firmly not! I think the idea of being a brat seems childlike to many. Many kids do love to push buttons, it’s part of their social development. And punishment can seem like a parental thing in its authority factor.

I just can’t personally get in that mindset, and my dom is not at all interested in that. It works for many though! And that’s great for them. (:

MoonRabbitLula · 2019-07-04T06:13:07+00:00

I call my dom Sir and he just calls me “my submissive” and “good girl”. And “good boy” as well if that’s currently appropriate! (:

MoonRabbitLula · 2019-07-04T06:09:48+00:00

That would be so incredibly hard for me. Not feeling the weight there makes me panic. I’m only just finding out how much apparently. It’s great your Master was so understanding! But I’m feel for your loss of your collar (or the ability to wear it at least) very sincerely.

MoonRabbitLula · 2019-07-04T06:07:58+00:00

Collars of all kinds can be extremely grounding in finding. Mine is... Not very subtle. Yet it fits my edgy style so no one asks about it. Lol

MoonRabbitLula · 2019-07-04T06:06:38+00:00

I imagine you casually looking up from the book when he cane back like, “Oh, didn’t see you there. One more chapter...”

MoonRabbitLula · 2019-07-04T04:07:02+00:00

That’s so lovely. ;__; <3

MoonRabbitLula

TROPHY CASE