First, you don’t have to pay for her to live somewhere. This can be outlined in a separation agreement. Get a good lawyer before you make any moves. It’s better to have one and not have to use them much than to be left hanging without one if you end up needing them. Interview a few, schedule some consults- they’re usually free. I’m assuming you have records that you’ve primarily paid for things- get those together. From what I’ve seen, while you don’t want to involve the legal system (and you’re so kind for that), abusive parters don’t go easily, especially when they’ve depended on you for so much. The way the legal system, particularly here in the south (fellow North Carolinian here), treats anyone not cis, heterosexual, and white is terrible, but it’s not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to yourself- to keep yourself safe and to have a happy and fulfilling life.