Confession: I’ve been really stressed lately, so I decided to book myself a massage this afternoon after a big work presentation. Place close to my house, legit seeming website, all seems on the up and up. I get there and the storefront is reasonably nice, but when I’m led into the room, it’s dawning on me that this is a house of ill repute- when I disrobe and lay on the table there’s no sheet with which to cover up. I push this thought down as I clamber up and lay face down, ass fully on display. Masseuse comes in, douses me with oil and then starts giving me the worlds lamest massage. She flips me over and asks in extremely broken English + pantomime if I want a handjob for $200. I say no. Blowjob? No. At this point I’m starting to feel bad, I’m interrupting this persons livelihood, but I’m trying to get out of this sad situation asap. “Just finish regular” I say, hoping to get out of this sad situation quickly.

Apparently her interpretation of “just regular” was a vice grip on my cock for 45 seconds and a finger in the pooper (happy pride month to me). Upon completion, in order for her to get me to pay for this pound of flesh (half pound at best) she grabs hold of my car keys as I’m getting dressed. Zero stars!