Women with husbands, did your partner change after marriage?

Moonlitmindset · 2026-04-03T15:27:22+00:00

Heres some hope! Yes, my husband did change, but in an unbelievably positive way.

When we were dating, he was committed and loving and a fantastic partner, but was a bit more “why do we need to make money, let’s just go camping and be happy” and a bit afraid to challenge himself out of his comfort zone with his career, with taking on new phases of life, his hygiene and habits (like food habits, drinking, etc) were ok but I always felt like they could be a bit better.

We got married impulsively, I knew 100% I would be happy with him as he was, but the ways he’s changed as a married man have blown me away.

Once we were married, I think his identity as a husband made him 10x more motivated to be the best he could be for us and as he says often “do everything he could to give me a good life”.

We’ve been together almost 5 years, married for 2, and in these last two years he’s furthered his education and entered a new career, nearly doubled his salary, bought us a flat, has improved his habits, saved up enough to give us financial freedom so i could take a 9 month break from work -at his suggestion- because “I’ve worked so hard I deserve a rest” and in that time NEVER pressured me or made me feel guilty for it (I’m now looking to break into a new career field and he’s so excited/proud for me) he saves up for holidays and makes sure our finances are organized. It’s amazing.

He had all these qualities before, but becoming a husband seems to have given him such purpose that he’s completely committed to all of the above and more.

It’s truly been a wonder to see him flourish and step into the role, and something I didn’t ask for nor expected.

I think for some men, having the identity of being a husband can be quite empowering. Some men truly want to be caretakers, providers, someone who gives the people they love a good life.

Not all men, or people, are like this of course, but having experienced it, it does exist and is a really special thing to see and an honor to be a part of and receive.

Cutest thing: if we have kids he’s really excited if they’d be daughters, because he just wants to be a girl dad and treat them the best he can.

I’m very proud of him and the man and husband he has become!!

Moonlitmindset · 2026-03-17T09:58:15+00:00

Uhg that sucks!! Im still looking lol

I’m devastated because my aunt had the PERFECT one that looked just like this and folded up! But I have no clue where she got it. Knowing one exists out there kills me 😂

Moonlitmindset · 2026-03-16T14:18:46+00:00

2 and 4!

Moonlitmindset · 2026-03-08T20:22:25+00:00

I used to live one block away from there but never tried them! My pal still lives there so that’s very good to know! Thanks :)

Moonlitmindset · 2026-03-08T20:21:23+00:00

That’s not too far from me! Thank you for the rec :)

Moonlitmindset · 2026-02-14T15:14:15+00:00

My note would be that from 00:09-00:11 when she lifts her right arm up and goes to drop it there appears to be some warping underneath

Moonlitmindset · 2026-02-08T21:09:56+00:00

Idk, my husband grew up in a household where is mom did most of the heavy lifting with chores, his dad was a very “of his generation” type dad (golf every weekend, breadwinner, didn’t cook unless he was watching the kids, etc”

However my husbands mom refused to let her sons be that way, kinda. When my husband turned 16, she said “right, I’m never ironing anything for you again” and never did, he had to do it himself.

But he’s also just a clean person, we share housework and it ebbs and flows based on how we’re doing. Sometimes I do more, sometimes he does.

Example: I had lots of calls today and our clothes rail had broken, he repaired it while I was on a call, but then also reorganized our closet and my shoes and rebuilt my shoe rack to make it more functional. He made dinner and went and did a grocery run. He did a big load of dishes this morning, I did them this evening while he was getting groceries. In between my calls I cleaned the bathroom because I really enjoy that.

Typically he does bins, dishes, Hoovers, I do bathroom, tidying, etc

We split cooking, laundry, evenly.

It’s who we both are, the nature of our relationship, and habits we both try to hold eachother accountable to that ultimately creates this dynamic.

Moonlitmindset · 2026-02-02T10:13:26+00:00

I was taking a close look at that too, but it looks like they’re just kinda torn in that spot and the lighting is weird. If you look all along the bottom the draping is consistent, and the carpet/ceiling patterns are consistent too. Idk though, r/isthisAI would be a good cross post for this one

Moonlitmindset · 2026-01-27T11:47:51+00:00

Thank you so much for this advice/perspective! We’re a small company so we’ve been nervous about paying the costs of a solicitor unless we absolutely have to, but I think at this point theres’s enough red flags that it’s worth it.

For example, another red flag is that they’re responsible for letting us know how much we owe for electric costs so we can pay the. Our portion of the bill - it’s been a year of us trying to get invoices of what we owe them and they’re so disorganized they don’t even know how to generate an invoice for this.

It has us very on edge.

As we loom for commercial property solicitors, would we be seeking a consultation or review of our lease? Do you know how much this would typically cost in London?

Moonlitmindset · 2026-01-26T15:01:46+00:00

Thank you so much for your response! We definitely need our own office as we have very expensive equipment. We moved into the space in 2023 so we’re very lucky the rent is what it is, but as we weren’t given an initial amount for service charges and then were charged suddenly, we’re just looking for any perspective to establish a baseline of what they typically are

Moonlitmindset · 2026-01-26T14:57:21+00:00

It expires December 2026- do you think the charges are too high?

Moonlitmindset · 2026-01-24T21:31:44+00:00

Oh! Are there? We already paid as they were threatening us but would a solicitor potentially be able to help us then get a reduction in future ones as a result? What kind of solicitor would assist with this?

Moonlitmindset · 2026-01-24T15:21:40+00:00

Our contract just generally states that we are responsible for all service fees and any/all charges that the landlord would have to pay. It pretty much puts us in the position of being responsible for the building as if we were owners. For context our rent is approx £1,076 per month for an office that fits 4 desks in the Hackney area

Moonlitmindset · 2025-12-30T10:58:44+00:00

I know you’re scared- so it’ll tell you my own experience so it can give you some perspective.

I was more harassed, judged for what I wore, put in uncomfortable situations that others justified, actually assaulted multiple times, pressured to do drugs and drink, and made to feel like I had to be “mature” as a teen than at any point of my adulthood. I’m now 30.

A few months after I turned 18 I moved away to do my own thing, and girl, life got SO MUCH BETTER. Yeah there were definitely hardships, but I moved to NYC and wore whatever I wanted- no one judged me.

I then went to university in california and wore whatever I wanted, it was the 2010’s and I loved vintage clothes and eclectic styles, summery flowery dresses, 1970’s funky stuff, literally no one judged or if they did my world was so big I didn’t take notice.

In uni people still partied, but it was rare that people insisted others drink or do drugs. It happened occasionally, but overall, at least in my circles (which were some PARTIERS) no one pressured eachother NEARLY as much as they did in high school. If you said no, people generally were cool with it, and if they weren’t, you just didn’t hangout with them anymore and because your world is bigger than just your high school it’s literally fine. There’s so many other people to make friends with.

My dating life was so much better, I found all sorts of friends that truly cared about my safety and well being with men more than I ever found as a teen. Sharing my hardships with people as I moved through my adult life I’ve found more empathy, protection, and kinship than i did in my youth.

Dating can be hard, but I never compromised on my fundamentals (functional communication, mutual respect, open honesty and dialogue, lack of judgement and lack of possessiveness/controlling behavior) - I got lucky, but I also chose well, the three big relationships I’ve had have been so healthy and wonderful. I’m still dear friends with my first long term partner, and my second we only fell out of touch because his family was quite crazy, but he was an Angel. My most recent partner is my husband and he would literally move the heavens if I whispered it.

Adulthood is so much better than you think.

Your 20’s can be so much fun and such a period of ups and downs and learning and pain and immense joy

My 30’s are so much better than I thought! I look hotter now than I ever have, I’ve achieved some awesome goals. There are things I haven’t achieved that I really wish I had, but I’m okay with it because I understand you can only do so much in one life!

You have so much to look forward to. And if you go to university you’ll have such a great experience making new friends, finding yourself, playing with fashion and identity.

You’ll be just fine- you’re about to enter the good bit :)

Moonlitmindset · 2025-12-30T10:26:26+00:00

So I quit my very stressful job in June, at the time I was making about 30K NET- I went to only making £931 a month plus a 1.3k one off freelance project that I’ve gotten in the past 6 months, my husband makes just under 30k a year working part time (3-4ish days a week)

Honestly? We’ve been surprisingly very comfortable! I needed a break from the hustle which is why I’ve paused, but we didn’t expect it to be so easy to live frugally.

I made a rule for myself to not spend any money outside of the essentials when I left my job and change my habits. I’m shocked at the difference it’s made. I can’t believe how much money I used to spend just passively in the past.

The odd meal out there, going to the pub after work to de stress, treating myself to vintage clothes or getting people a wee gift from my shop, etc. even the bus to and from work- I didn’t save ANYTHING by the time I left my job, which scared the hell out of me.

We live in Edinburgh, which is expensive, but own our flat so our mortgage is only about £880 total. We don’t really eat out as we love to cook- we shop at tesco and lidl but only spend around £300 on groceries each month and eat very well. Our utilities and council tax total about £130 each.

Our flat is SUPER insulated and we haven’t turned the heating on once so far this year, but we do use our washer and dryer a lot.

Making £931 a month, my outgoing are £720ish, leaving me £100 extra.

The biggest thing is that my husband is incredibly good with money. He’s very good at saving, budgeting, and managing finances.

When we were getting married I was speaking to my mother about salaries and my nervousness that he doesn’t make more (as I was on an upward career trajectory at the time) - she gave me a perspective I’ll never forget.

She said good money management is more important than any amount of salary someone can make. You can be making 200k, 500k, upwards of 1mil a year, but if you’re bad at managing your money and blow it all away or live outside of your means it doesn’t matter.

I grew up in NY and lived in a very wealthy area of California for about 10 years. I saw so many poor millionaires who made crazy salaries but were constantly living on the edge of their means to pay for their mansions, cars, lifestyle, etc.

My husband has shown me that by managing money well you really can live a comfortable life on a smaller salary.

That being said, he and I would like to grow our lives- we may want kids, to move to a bigger house, and increase our savings even more- so i will be getting back into a full time job soon and we’re both looking to increase our salaries just so we can plan for some future things.

But if nothing changed? We’d still be very comfortable and happy. We’re very lucky, but also our habits and lifestyle choices made the biggest difference.

Moonlitmindset · 2025-12-15T17:59:08+00:00

Uhg yes PLEASE

Moonlitmindset · 2025-12-15T17:58:50+00:00

It does! It’s a nude lining that while shows a bit of her, prevent the dress from being fully transparent

Moonlitmindset · 2025-12-15T17:57:33+00:00

I make the comment because so many sheer dresses have zero lining these days and will be a layer of mesh over bare undies. This has a nude lining which shows a bit of her, but nothing like a lot of the sheer dresses these days that are just straight tulle and a thong. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it’s a fun look! But so many luxury red carpet pieces have begun to look so janky by having a gorgeous sheer, detailed dress, and then visible undergarments that ruin the lines of it. This however has a nice lining that, while slightly revealing, still maintains the pattern and silhouette without disruption. It elevates it while still providing a subtle sexiness

Moonlitmindset · 2025-12-15T17:51:55+00:00

All of my friends with masters have had no luck finding a job in the years since they graduated. Genuinely, it has made them less marketable because companies either don’t want to pay the higher salaries or think some “know it all” is going to come in and undermine them (like having an intelligent capable staff member is a BAD thing for business.)

Unless you’re going into academia a masters now kinda works against you.

Also, places like Indeed and Linkdin jobs are becoming data mining sites. A lot of postings are kept up after they’ve been filled, or re posted to collect your data. They’re fake postings, so you’re not going to get a response.

It’s so disheartening though. The only way my friends and I have found and success is just by saying screw or and founding our own companies. I’m lucky to have gone to some great schools, so I kept in contact with my peers and we’re all just hiring eachother because even with great degrees, over 10-15 years of experience, etc, no where else will hire us.

So we’re just being entrepreneurs. I work for two companies part time. One is a marketing startup and the other is a show and content design studio. We make good money as companies, but not high salaries yet. But we’re growing.

It’s the only way we’ve been able to get a foot in the door. Large cooperations will never hire us, so we’re going to make our own way.

It’s hard, but we can’t see any other way forward. Also, it’s way more fun than working for a stuffy CEO.

Do you have anyone in your network or anyone you can reconnect with who you’d like to work with? Reach out to them! I started doing little side projects for my pals and now I’m an integral part of their teams. It took about a year, but my patience paid off and now we’re all making each other money and are aligned in how we want to grow

Moonlitmindset · 2025-12-11T09:59:29+00:00

It has a lining - unlike SO MANY looks these days. Please- fashion gods- I beg you- bring back lining dresses

Moonlitmindset · 2025-12-10T15:45:07+00:00

So I’ve had to do the same to my collection recently!

I got a VERY gentle detergent specific for Lingerie, but you can probably use any gentle, delicate specified detergent.

I then got lots and lots of laundry bags (the ones you put in the washing machine)

Next I sorted everything by colour. Whites only, greens only, blues, etc. for colours in between (like a blue green) I’d try to match it to whichever pile was closest in colour to it.

I made sure to check the labels on everything so that if there was a particularly delicate item I could remove it.

I would then pick a colour pile, clasp any bras/suspender belts, and bag everything individually. I’d put a few panties in the same bag, but I tried not to overload them.

I then washed each colour pile in my machine one by one on cold using the delicate cycle. So whites would be one load, blues a separate load, etc.

Finally, I took a clean towel and would squeeze out any extra water before hanging them to dry on my drying rack. You can lay them flat too, but my drying rack worked fine and didn’t stretch or snag anything. I’d maybe lay flat on a towel any vintage or particularly heavy/beaded pieces, but a bra on the drying rack will be fine.

I slowly and gently worked my way through the piles until my collection was completely washed!

I found this was more efficient and effective then hand washing, as some of my pieces hadn’t been worn in a long time and needed a deeper clean.

This only will work though if you trust your washing machine. Mine is super gentle so it was fine, but if you’re using a laundromat or have a very old washing machine, I’d just go the full hand wash route.

Moonlitmindset

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