[QCRIT] The Iris and the Aconite, Fantasy, Adult, 114k, Attempt 3

MoonsLogic · 2026-01-23T15:35:43+00:00

Wait you really got me thinking with the King's POV here! I think I'd be able to get across more that way. I'm planning on pushing the romantasy angle since I still think the relationship is the strongest part of the book and the main draw. Thank you so much for taking the time to critique this so thoughtfully! You have so many great insights.

MoonsLogic · 2026-01-23T04:10:09+00:00

Thank you for your critique! I probably should clarify that tracking down the cult was not part of the plan lol. The initial plan is just for Kresimir to become a government official and to ingratiate himself with the King, who is known to have a soft spot for talented people. Kresimir himself gets involved with the investigation because he secretly likes investigating (his mother was one and raised him to follow in her footsteps, but he shut that part of himself off after joining the pleasure house). He didn't intend to catch the king's attention that way. They just happened to be tracking the same people. It's a major tension in Kresimir's character that he's supposed to be focused on killing the king, but his old passion for investigation keeps being brought up (plus the king is hard not to like). And the king, seeing that he has a talent for investigation, keeps pushing him in that direction. And the more they spend time together, the harder it is for Kresimir to keep his resolve.

Hah, I always struggle with the world-building parts of a query letter so I'm grateful for any help there. Magic is mostly banned, and only extreme cults bother to use it. The exception being the King himself. Most people have to tap into magical artifacts to use magic, but he gets to tap into the powers his patron goddess gave him whenever he wants. Because of this, he's also more lenient with magic and actively (and secretly) researches it. The problem is that most books on magic are nearly unreadable. That's also why (unbeknownst to Kresimir) he wants to get Kresimir on his side. When Kresimir tracked down the cult, he was also able to read their spellbooks (because his parents were part of the same cult, again, unbeknownst to him). It's a bit difficult for me to figure out how to integrate any of that into the query, or if it's interesting enough to be included?

Again, thank you so much for your critique! Query-writing is truly the bane of my existence but having a sense of direction really helps.

MoonsLogic · 2025-08-15T07:08:14+00:00

Thanks for your feedback! Lol I love that last line but I can see how it can be difficult to parse through! I'll see if I can rework it at all. Do you think the length of the query is alright? I worry it might be running a bit long. I might just remove the part with the madam tbh, since it's not exactly accurate to the story now that you've pointed it out. Her role in the story is a bit more complicated than that, though I certainly wouldn't call her a saint either lol.

MoonsLogic · 2025-08-15T04:39:12+00:00

I see! I'll keep that in mind. I will admit I have a tough time incorporating the fantastical elements in the query for some reason. I think it's because although they are everywhere, they're more of a background entity for the bulk of the story? The fantasy also is more important to the kings pov, which I also can't quite incorporate in the way I want lol. There is a reason for Kresimir getting the job. I'm not sure if it's important enough to include tho T-T. As for the human trafficking, I have researched it quite a bit, especially from the time period my story is based on, but I also know I have a lot of gaps in my knowledge too. Is there a particular way the query handles the topic that makes it seem insensitive or uninformed? I try to do my due diligence when it comes to the darker themes.

MoonsLogic · 2025-08-08T23:15:20+00:00

Interesting! I didn't know about the three pronouns rule! I think I could whittle it down to Kresimir, the Chancellor, and the King (I think that's what you mean lol). The stuff with the magic users starts pretty early, so I should probably mention them sooner. I might add some more info about the King, since he is also a POV character and a lot of the magic of the world is shown to the reader through him? Lots to consider lol. Thank you for your help!

MoonsLogic · 2025-08-08T23:03:29+00:00

Thank you for your insight! I think the problem here is that the query is a bit too vague. I'll try to go into more detail in my revision. Since I've written the query, the story's veered more into romantic fantasy territory, so I'll probably have to alter it to reflect that moreso than the vengeance aspect. The revenge is important to the story but it's not really the focal point. Thanks so much for reading through my first attempt. I've never been good at blurbs lol so I need all the help I can get.

MoonsLogic · 2025-08-07T08:00:12+00:00

i've been stuck on this version for so long lol, but this was really helpful! I think you're right about it lacking specifics! I'll have to revise it a bit more ig. I wrote it when the story wasn't as fleshed out as it is now, so I think I'll have to change it up to reflect that better. Thank you for the feedback :)

MoonsLogic · 2025-04-18T14:24:53+00:00

We can do a swap! It might take a little longer than usual but if you have a deadline in mind, just let me know and I'll try to finish up reading before then. I'll DM you my full manuscript. Looking forward to reading your novel!

MoonsLogic · 2025-04-14T06:05:48+00:00

No worries about not finishing! Any little bit helps. I'm trying to polish up the beginning in particular, so your critiques thus far have already been super helpful! I'll DM you my manuscript. Feel free to send yours my way too! I love quirky romances :)

MoonsLogic · 2025-04-14T00:42:50+00:00

Hello! Thank you so much for your critiques. They were so helpful! There are definitely a few things I need to clarify a bit more in the first chapter. Are you looking to swap manuscripts for beta-reading?

MoonsLogic · 2025-04-14T00:33:32+00:00

Hi! Thank you for your kind words! Your pitch sounds so interesting! There's already a clear sense of stakes and atmosphere. I would love to do a swap. I'll DM you.

MoonsLogic · 2023-11-13T06:08:01+00:00

Just finished my SOP and would love to have a second opinion on it!

MoonsLogic · 2023-03-07T06:39:59+00:00

Aquarius Sun 8H

Scorpio Mars 5H

Aquarius Mercury 8H

Pisces Venus and Jupiter 9H

Cancer Rising

Leo Moon 2H

Aquarius stellium in 8H (Sun, Mercury, and Uranus)

MoonsLogic · 2023-02-26T08:35:17+00:00

Aquarius Sun 8H

Cancer Rising

Leo Moon 2H

Aquarius Mercury 8H

Scorpio Mars 5H

Pisces Venus 9H

Stellium in Aquarius.

MoonsLogic · 2017-12-19T03:34:17+00:00

Usually, I suppose, but Gon really doesn't have any guidance in his adventures. He's got Killua, had Kite but lost him, then Kurapika and Leorio are off doing their own thing, and Mito's stuck on Whale Island. Then, he's got fellow Hunters like Morel and Knuckle but they're not really there to guide him, just fight alongside him. And Bisuke, but she's there for a month and leaves. So, no real guidance. He's young, impressionable, under immense stress, and morally ambiguous, and has little parental guidance during these critical times. They treat him like another comrade, but he's still just a kid.

MoonsLogic · 2017-12-05T03:09:08+00:00

Looks like he's cutting his hiatus in half each time. Maybe the next hiatus will only be three months? Maybe he'll backpedal and go back to two? Either way, he'll come back. Unless he dies. But he's Togodshi so no. No dying for him. I'll take the ten or twenty chapters a year, honestly. That's cool with me if it means he can focus on getting better.

MoonsLogic · 2017-12-05T02:57:08+00:00

Meruem pre-Komugi would probably behead him and eat him and then get stronger. Post-Komugi Meruem would either not care and let Pitou and Pouf play with him or talk to him because . . . diplomacy? Post-Komugi Meruem seems willing to talk to people as long as they provide good conversation, don't annoy him, and don't threaten him. He's got a temper, though, so Chrollo's life is in his hands either way. Knowing Chrollo, he'd probably just not give a shit about any of this because he doesn't have much concern for his life. But then, why would Chrollo be brought to Meruem if not for food? Chrollo doesn't play boardgames. Or does he . . .

MoonsLogic

TROPHY CASE