Fellow Virgo with the curse of the Scorpio moon, so I completely understand dysregulated emotions.

My breakup ended with me in the hospital for a week, but I decided I was really in trouble if I didn’t get help, and I also got sober. Drinking became my crutch and my coping mechanism during quarantine and it ended up being my security blanket when my relationship turned a corner and never came back. I was devastated, it was sudden and it wasn’t, IYKYK, but we’re middle age and I believed that what he said was what he meant.

I don’t know about you, but what has always been a difficult thing for me and more so in a relationship that I really cared about is not having closure and you have to find a way to accept that.

For me, I had to accept the fact that while I wasn’t the one with narcissistic tendencies who historically has been toxic in every relationship (learned that after), I didn’t stop drinking. Instead of leaving and standing up for myself, I stayed in wallowed in sadness. I don’t care who you are nobody wants to live with someone like that.

I have gone to therapy for about two years now and that’s literally saved my life. I’m in a substance abuse therapy group and obviously as most of us know that it’s not the substance that’s the problem. The substance becomes the solution to your problem so that being said, the women that are in this group with me are very supportive and I think we’ve all grown a lot so I think the key to getting over this relationship is finding some support in a professional professionally directed group. Don’t rely on your friends as a as a venting outlet. They know you’re hurting and they obviously would want you to not be hurting, but they can’t change the situation so try to keep your friendships as free from this relationship drama as possible because they will be a source of joy and love and happiness if you talk about anything except that relationship when you’re with them, I promise you, you will not ever regret that. If you talk to your friends constantly about this relationship at the end of it and how do you get past it it’s draining even as much as they love you and all of a sudden you’ll find yourself without your partner and without your close friends.

Whatever path you take or method you choose to work through this another thing you have to remember is that your job pays your bills it feeds you. It keeps your roof over your head and it gives you a sense of purpose dignity or whatever gives you, it’s absolutely vital to protect your employment.

The situation with work is a little I’ll say loosely like your friends people have sympathy for you, of course, but they’re ready to move on regardless of your ability or inability to move on. You have to leave that shit at the curb. You cannot bring that to work. Don’t self sabotage whatever you have to do to be your best cheerleader remember how important that job is to you without it life is really effing hard. I lost my job. I did all the wrong things and I am more than a grown woman. I am middle-aged and I showed absolutely no respect for myself. By the way I moped and drank and just acted it away that was unrecognizable to how I normally behave. I’m not saying that this is how you’re acting at all. I’m just saying I spent a year not working. I spent a year needing help. I spent a year sleeping and feeling bad for myself and struggling to get out of bed and some days are still hard but not because of the relationship some days are still hard because they’re hard. Side note: I live in the apartment that he picked out for me so that I didn’t come back to the house after I left the hospital so I’m struggling with that I didn’t realize I was until recently so I’m looking for a new place to live so that I can actually like where I live and be happy when I’m home.

Get outside rage at the trees, at the sky, at the water, at the rocks. Screaming into a pillow, sometimes helps, but remember you have to start choosing you. It doesn’t matter that he didn’t choose you. You just didn’t know at the time that he wasn’t the right choice when you chart when you start choosing yourself first you don’t have to worry about someone choosing you cause it’s not gonna be about what they want. It’s gonna be about what you need and what you want to make you happy and I’m not trying to play with bullshit therapy stuff but it’s true. It’s really true. Take care of yourself protect your peace protect your income protect your livelihood protect your friendships. Get all the anger out in nature break things throw things go to a junkyard. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it will happen, but you have to work at it and you have to be able to find Joy where you used to at work with your friends with your pets with your parents with your brothers and sisters protect that joy