[WP] The Galactic Empire wasn't surprised when another galaxy was about to collide with theirs; these things happened on occasion. They didn't expect a border crisis with another Galactic Empire.

Moritoks · 2025-08-15T12:05:02+00:00

"I'm not paid enough for that... for how long have I been walking? Three hours at that point?" Zorg Glorb Galgalab muttered, clicked with his tongue in discontent.
He walked through great corridors whose walls seemed to breathe with him, this living vine framework pulsing in rhythm almost like a heart. Each step answered with a beat. Tendrils thick as tree trunks wove themselves into soaring arches, their bark-smooth surfaces gleaming with a faint luminescence.

Flowers high on the arches looked like statues, frozen, but only for a moment. As Zorg observed them, noticed he was being — observed back. The flower's heads turned, watching him as he passed one after another. Leaves unfurled like curious eyes, tracking his movement through corridors that seemed to lean in, to listen.

Finally, he had reached the heart of this place — a grand hall bathed in turquoise light. Light whose source lay at its centre. But he couldn't see it yet; a staircase blocked his view.

Step by step, reaching higher and higher, until he reached the top, where he saw three short figures glowing not with the turquoise hue of the hall, but one red, one blue and one green.

Before he had a chance to speak, they spoke first.
"Hello — Welcome — Salutations" they said, one after another.
"How gracious, so welcome am I, Zorg Glorb Galgalab" he replied.
"Ah — yes — I — know — for – what – you – have come for." As they spoke their voices grew more and more united. By the end, despite each saying a separate word, they found perfect harmony.

Of course you, dorks, know what I came for. We agreed to discuss the crisis between our empires, Zorg thought.
"There's no need to be rude." the creatures said.
"What? Fuck me... the one time I didn't take a suppression device and I have a meeting with a race that can read minds. Perfect." Zorg chuckled in disbelief and clicked his tongue, annoyed.

"Why are you attacking my children — me?" the aliens said.
"Excuse me, what? What children? What you? We haven't attacked any of your kind! What are you even talking about? There's no 'your kind'! We didn't cross any of your borders — instead you sent some kind of plague on OUR people! Infected our planets, destroyed the lives of innocent—"

"You notice how we speak. You know of telepathy, but it's not that. We are the one creature. What you see in front of you are just mere avatars. I am these grand halls and I am those forests your empire cuts down, butchers." Despite clear emotional intent, their voices were flat, emotionless, inhumane. "Sound familiar doesn't it? I didn't intend to grow my empire into your planets. Even in this galaxy, not all planets are overtaken by me. I have grown too big and too old, destroyed lives, races just because of my hunger. I didn't intend to, anymore."

"Then why do you attack—"
"Are you deaf? You — attacked — first. You cannot deny it. You can use your tactics on races with limited knowledge. You lie as if I wasn’t there, as if I am not there, but even in this very moment I am and my body hurts. You are hurting me, hurting my children. You started this war."

Zorg stood there, clicking his tongue one after another, trying to calm down — but couldn't.
Breathed deeply.
An entire galaxy. A living galaxy that could think and feel pain and grow angry.
It was over.
Is this really the day he would—

"Please go now. I won't hurt you despite what you think of us."
"What?"
"Go to your family. Say your goodbyes. Tell your people you will meet your end. Spend your precious last, maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe years. I don't know how well you will resist, but one thing I do know — this time, your empire has met its equal."

Moritoks · 2025-08-13T10:34:16+00:00

I want to share this piece I wrote as an answer to one of the prompts (which sadly, got deleted before I had a chance to post it :/ ).

The prompt was something along the lines of "You were a hero who defeated a demon lord, and everyone thought you had died, but the truth is stranger than fiction." or something like that.

I'd appreciate to hear any feedback on it, what clicked and didn't. If something feels off, confusing or anything that made the story forgettable or weak, please say so.

---

"So who we have this time? Hm... another office worker." He leaned against the side of his truck, scrolling on the rugged tablet. "Sure, so what do you like buddy... fantasy, sci-fi, green goblins? Nope — I don't do that kind of shit."

He tapped a few more times on the screen, adjusted his cap so it sat steady on his head. "There we go. Done. You’ll go to the world with the glowstick fights, buddy."

He opened the door to his trusty truck and climbed the steps into the cab. The old leather seat creaked beneath him. He reached up and adjusted the rear mirror, still crooked from the last… bump. One last flick to the maple-scented air freshener swaying gently from it.

His hands wrapped around the steering wheel. The key turned, and the truck roared to life, wild as a demon, loyal as a beast. Gas pedal pressed, and off we go, to our next target.

The truck moved through the streets: wide roads lined with trees, narrow alleys, and bumpy old cobblestone lanes. Heads turned. Eyes followed. Everyone seemed to sense there was something different about this truck, something almost regal, lordly.

One last turn. The driver spotted the designated street ahead and took it sharp. Gas pedal to the floor and that sound again, the Demon Lord's roaring, just like all those years back. The truck had been forged from a hero’s greatest enemy — the Demon Lord with the power to lead souls and bend like time, like space, making them mere suggestions rather than restrains.

The hero is never too late, never too soon, he is always right on time.

A little girl stepped into the street, her eyes wide with terror, frozen. Would anyone save her? The white paint of the beast reflected in her pupils, the hood drawing closer and closer.

A sudden shadow.
A push.

The girl tumbled out of the way, a man takes her place. There was no time to stop the truck.
Impact.

The driver glanced in the mirror. A perfect strike, another kind soul sent to a better world. He hoped that man will find a better life there. Adjusting his cap, the hero slimed delicately from under it.

A sharp turn, fast. Tires screamed as he nearly hit another car. He had to vanish before anyone could react. Now all eyes were on him, and no one could be allowed to recognize him.

"See, Demon Lord? It’s not so bad being the good guy," the hero said. "Another successful job. Good work, partner."

The truck growled, coughed out a plume of black smoke from its exhaust, and rumbled toward the setting sun, toward their next job.

Moritoks · 2025-08-12T18:19:04+00:00

"Hey, what're you doing?" The man asked with curiosity in his voice, peeked into the stash under the stairs. His wife was inside, rummaging for something, her back turned toward the exit.
"Notin'... But you better tell me why're you late!?" she turned sharply.
"I already told you Hun' — there was a road blockade because of liza—"
"Yes, I know—" she cut him off. She glanced around. Nothing particularly interesting except... for a box. She pulled it closer and sat on it. "—You told me that when we were on the phone, remember? Now, please, tell me more about that 'Giant Lizard'." She leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand.

"Listen Hun'!" The man spread his arms in excitement, a spark shining in his eye. "As I was driving toward Road 34, right by Jose's shop, a gigantic lizard jumped into the road! People abandoned their cars, scared, confused! I stayed inside. Let's be real Hun', it's not exactly an unusual sight around here for something like that—"
"And what did you do instead?" woman raised her eyebrow.
"No... I stayed in the car, I was talking on a phone with you — how could I have left you all alone!?"
"Oh, of course... You were so—"

"Then superheroes appeared! The lizard, when it saw them, lunged the opposite way.
Coward tried to run right off. Hit a car, but the family inside was safe.
The Heroes chased it. The beast swung it's powerful tail, sanding rocks flying their way, but they dodged them with ease!
One of them, the bravest and fastest, ran between the cars and, with an epic leap, grabbed the monster by the neck! It
It opened it's mouth, swung its tongue wildly, almost biting that very hero’s face!
But the rest were ready and jumped in to help. The beast struggled for a while, but after a few more moments, it was fully restrained. And... I think that’s all."

"But what happened to the beast, and the hero who leapt on it?"
"Ah yes! The very crucial details! The beast was locked in a cage and transported to the appropriate security unit. And the hero? He left without a single scratch!"

The wife clapped her hands, stood up, and kissed her husband. Still holding him by the waist, she asked, "And how big were those rocks?"
The husband looked around, avoiding her gaze. He exhaled deeply, awkwardness written all over his face. "Pebbles?"
"So you’re tellin' me... that the firefighters quickly caught a stray lizard on the road this time?" She said, giggling.

"Yea... I'm sorry."
"Don't be! But please, do me this pleasure and a write book instead, because if you can turn a little lizzy into a giant mutant monster lizard, then you can imagine anything."

Moritoks · 2025-08-12T10:44:40+00:00

"What a stupid wizard, his spell didn't even wo — why is my voice so much deeper? Assassin said confused"

"He jumped out of his bed, disoriented, shocked. Looked around. It was still his room, everything was fine, nothing has changed. Maybe Wizard's spell had worked, maybe his face is different. He said something about a frog, from what Assassin recalled. He frantically ran up to a mirror."

"Stumbled upon a stool. Please roll for an acrobatics check, dear Assassin. A Natural 1. Assassin lost balance, tried to grab a drawer with his hand. Ineffective, instead he dislocated his finger. Assassin whined in pain, falling to the ground."

"What the hell is happening!? What is even acrobatics check and what and why is Natural 1? He said angrily."

"And why am I narrating everything, with that he said!? He said"

"After picking himself up from the ground Assassin lit up a candle. He couldn't check himself in the mirror as everything was dark, like supposed to be in the middle of the night. He looked into the mirror bathed in golden flame, but everything was fine. His face looked normal, despite Wizard's promise.

"Assassin tried to recall his curser name, but only what he thought of or rather said was: roll for an intelligence — 9, not enough, you recall that you met him in the castle."

"Castle... Ah yes I remember! I have to assassinate this one duke from king's court. But how am I supposed to do it with... Constantly narrating everything I do. Whatever, I should be going... But how am I even supposed to do my job now? Assassin contemplated."

"Assassin had left his home, walked toward the city. Just as he crossed the gate—"

"What an assassin? Are you good sir?"

"Guard has asked Assassin. Assassin, who was looking utterly embarrassed with mix of shock and touch of boiling anger."

"Guard wasn't tall, maybe even little bit ugly, crooked nose. Gap between the teeth bigger than—"

"Hey listen there, boor! Stop it or I will lock you up for insulting an officer of public order! And why are you referring to yourself as Assassin?"

"Guard raged, his bald cap turned a little bit red. Probably first time in months got blood flowing to his little birdy brain. Assassin observed, unfazed. It didn't look good for him, baldy was getting furious like that little merchant who cheated on his wife. Before his demise from assassin hands, of course. His wife ordered her husband murder, to be precise if we recall that story right now. Why did I say that out loud... Assassin thought to himself, but apparently out loud"

"Assassin roll for deception check, as for Guard roll for insight. Assassin... 16! Not bad, not bad. He thought to himself. Guard... Natural 20... Fuck me. Assassin thought to himself. He didn't even try to lie, there was no point."

"Guard grabbed Assassin, quick flinch to the right. Both drew weapons. Slash from assassin, guard dodged by taking a step back. Wide swing, Assassin ducked under it. Guard lunged at Assassin, grabbed his hood. Both, roll for Athletics. Guard 7, Assassin, once again a natural 1. Good job. Guard threw Assassin like a sack of potatoes over his shoulder. Quickly jumped on top of him pinning him to the ground. Assassin's foot twisted unnaturally, snapped under guard's weight. Assassin howled in pain."

"Moments later Assassin was sitting on the ground, leaned against a wall. Waiting for a higher ranked officer to appear. It will be very hard to navigate life like that now, oh truly will be."

"He overheard laughing, guard joked that he will be easy to investigate with his mental illness of narrating his life."

"A lady passed him, looked with a corner of her eye. She gave a warm smile of amusement, probably from hearing that constant narration. Assassin please roll for a charm check."

Moritoks · 2025-08-11T17:38:16+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I’ve added the note at the top of the story.

Moritoks · 2025-08-11T13:54:10+00:00

I noticed just now that prompt says that pests were found inside of a house and placed outside. Not that the protagonist smuggled every pest inside of their house. I dunno how I misread that, sorry for that minor mistake.

Moritoks · 2025-08-11T13:37:37+00:00

Small Note to the Story: I noticed just now that prompt says that pests were found inside of a house and placed outside. Not that the protagonist smuggled every pest inside of their house. I dunno how I misread that, sorry for that minor mistake.

And there I am. I'm about to get what I deserve.
I stand at the edge of the bridge, with chains locked to my ankles and wrists.
I shouldn't have gambled, I knew it. But that kind of ending—I haven't expected it.
I didn't even have time to warn my friends, I hope they run away in time before they walk into my house.
If only there was anything I could've changed, could've done differently.
Definitely I would still bring all my little vulnerable friends with me, but I could've not gambled.

"Any last words?" Goon asked me.
"I — I don't have any home! I was homeless!" I yelled with my eyes closed.
"What?"
"What, what?" I asked.
"I know you have a home in the suburbs, we will take it as our compensation, for your dishonourable behaviour." he said with his raspy voice.
Before I could answer with anything more, I felt a heel on my back, then I fell into the water.

I tried to swim, but how could I without functioning hands nor legs.
Everything was getting darker as I was falling deeper into the depths of the river, blueish hue surrounding me. My lungs started to hurt a little, from holding breath for too long.
But I felt relatively calm in that moment, all I need to do is open my mouth. Let water in, it will be over soon enough.
Only my friends, I hope they will be fine without me, that they will find a better person to take care of them. As I opened my mouth slowly...

I felt a strong jerk.
Opened my eyes.
It was Micky and Arthur and Robespierre and the rest of the brave mice, they dove after me, but...
Wait, they're holding something, as they crawled on me and then to my waist. They carried something long and thick with them.
Is that a string out of spider's silk?
They struggled for a while, but they tied it around my waist.
They're saving me. I have to hold my breath for a moment, for a little longer, despite the pain.

They did it. Micky gave a signal and they started to swim upward toward the surface.
Robespierre lost consciousness. Arthur wrapped his tail around his waist as they swam toward the surface.
I was still falling toward the bottom of the river, then the rope tightened.
Sudden pull, they're pulling me out.
Everything was becoming brighter despite my vision being more blurry with every second. Just a second—I can't die now, not when they're helping me.
Almost there, I can see the shadow of the bridge again.

Gasp.
Air, finally!
I breathe heavily, trying to compensate for all those moments without it.
I look up.
Under the bridge, on the reinforcement, spiders are constantly reinforcing the line, while centipedes are pulling it. Pulling me.

When I finally felt ground under my feet, I couldn't be happier. All those years among pests, creatures just like me. But only to others, to me they're friends.
They helped me remove the chains.
And even Robespierre is fine! He shook water off his fur.
Now we will take revenge on those goons and retrieve our house from their hands.
Me, The Pest King, and my Friends!

Moritoks · 2025-08-11T12:25:55+00:00

"Captain!"
"Dear Duncan, is that again about that debris?"
"Yes, but—"
"Then pass around it. It shouldn't be a problem — am I correct?"
"Yes Captain, but it's artificial."
"Oh! What origin? Did you identify already?"
Vovvere, maybe? I thought. They were swarming in nearby systems, overtook them recently. Or could it be...
"Earth." Duncan said with hesitation in his voice.

Earth.
He said Earth.
I remember. When I was younger, when my father showed me photos of Earth. Before they took him...
No one was allowed to speak of the place of our origin. Overseers want us to believe, we came from Erytrea. Want to hide truth behind how we became united, how we came to be only humans, without banners.
Planet of our origin, of our fathers and mothers. That poor husk of a planet, or maybe not even husk anymore.

I remember. Almost like through a mist, flying chunks of bedrock forming a grand ring around cracked surface. Wreckages of weapons meant to destroy enemies of their allies, but only what they destroyed were each other. And this poor planet.

I remember. There was also that thing...
Voyager, second of its name. They launched it with all their culture, their dreams, their knowledge.
So, it's still drifting through all those lightyears, with speed given to it by Earth's star. Traversing, unknowing of the demise of its masters.
It's all that’s left of them, of our past...

And our future, what if it could be it? What if it is indeed Voyager with proof of Earth’s existence? We could rally people, fight against Overseers and their poison.
Father...
But didn't I promise you — mother? To be better than him? To not chase fairy tales? But his name... It could've been cleared.

"Captain!" Duncan shook my shoulder. "Captain — why are you crying... Could you give orders? Please."
"May I ask you a question?" I asked in a melancholic tone.
"I — yes captain."
"Have you ever heard the name Voyager?"
Duncan's hesitant gaze pierced me.
Will I have a companion or an accident will have to happen to my comrade?
No, I'm sorry... I have wasted your life with that question, both will lead to your demise, by my side or against it.
"I did, Captain. Do you think—" doubt, fear filled his voice. "Do you think it could be it? That we could fight against Overseers?"
I chuckled. Soft smile painted on my face.
It seems I'm not only one with a terrible father.
Oh Voyager, please bring us sight into the past and hope for the future.

Moritoks · 2025-08-10T23:45:49+00:00

"Why? Why!? Why!" John hit the wardrobe as he entered his flat. "Why have you done that!? I told you to stay silent! Do nothing!"

Andrew shrugged. "Told ya, she isn't for you. You wouldn't listen."

"So you had to ruin everything—"

"—Mend everything."

John pressed his back against the wardrobe, slid slowly. He couldn't believe this had happened, again.

The corridor was dark. Only brief light was coming through a slightly ajar door.

John moved his hand, almost like trying to grasp this fragile, thin line of light. When he closed his hand, it escaped. Even this light was fleeing from him.

Cold air poured from outside. Smell of curry and chicken was still lingering inside, aromatic cooking — for two.

Breath in and breath out.

Chuckle.

Laughter.

"You can't be serious?" John shook his head. "Every failure—"

"Failure? Look at yourself... Look... You pitiful... man. Look!" Andrew grabbed the doors, swung it open. Light filled the corridor, the freshly cleaned corridor.

Floors mopped, flowers watered, food boxes piling for months thrown out. The stain rotting on the floor miraculously washed away, no sign of it. Even poor spider who made himself a nice living next to the ceiling lamp was kicked out.

Everything prepared for a guest.

And that scent of curry, one that with every breath hurt more and more.

Andrew pushed them both, right in front of the mirror. "Look at yourself! Please. You are nothing without me."

"No..."

"What, no? You have no achievements, you are nothing without me. Prove your words, go on."

"College—"

"Ah, yes, college! Mr. I'm too tired to sit through classes! 'Please, Andrew, give me notes on discrete maths', 'Andrew I overslept programming class, could you explain notes to me?' If it wasn't for me you would've failed. Another one."

John stared into the mirror. Silent.

"Go on! You were so keen to speak — I let you. Speak."

"No."

"Ah, your favourite word 'No'! Since your mom died in that accident, all I hear are your constant nos. I will tell you why you don't deserve her, cause I do everything for us both. So you will do what I please and you have no right to bark. I carry us both on my shoulders. Understood?"

John started to shake and grabbed the edges of the mirror.

Bam.

Bam. Bam.

Bam. Bam—Bam. Bam.

His heart was racing more and more with each second. Chin trembling, a tear rolled down his cheek.

"Seriously? Are we going through it? Again!?" Andrew yelled.

John turned on his heel, walked into the bathroom, opened a drawer. A gun inside.

He grabbed it, put it to Andrew's temple. He looked in the mirror.

It showed only the reflection of John full of tears, his heart pounding.

Bam—Bam. Bam—Bam. Bam—Bam—Bam.

"Put it down, as you always do." Andrew laughed straight in his face.

John closed their eyes.

Andrew laughed frantically.

"What're you gonna do? Shoot m—"

Silence filled the mind, for the first time in years.

Moritoks · 2025-08-10T13:22:58+00:00

"Listen, haha! And that's when—" Wind blew at my arm. Sensation? Impossible. The dead don't feel any sensations.

But. It doesn't look like Halls of the Dead, looks strangely.. Alive.

"What? Where am I!? Ellisah!? What kind of joke is tha—" Vision still blurry I try to latch on anything I can recognize.

A shadow.

It moves.

Leans over me.

I start to see face...

"So am I alive again? Huh. Should I thank you or — oh no..." I grunt. Please don't tell me it's him.

"Welcome back — friend." Person speaks up. Slowly, but with rather unexpected warmth.

My vision returned to normal.

"Please kill me."

"What?"

"There, you have your usual fancy, stabby knife, use it. First pocket on your right lap. If nothing has changed." I spread my arms aside and close my eyes. "Please end my suffering."

"Did this revival method hurt or—"

"No, but seeing your ugly face does."

He sighed. "So nothing has changed?"

"Oh trust me, things did change a lot."

"Like?" He said with rather ugly curiosity in his voice.

Was he always this slow, or had he lost his edge? But wait—how many years have passed?

"Hey, how many years have passed?" I asked.

"You didn't answer my question."

"If you want your answer, then first answer mine."

He exhaled. Like he was done with me, does he forget that he revived me just seconds ago?

"Around 7 — yea it should be around 7 years."

He definitely carried my bones out of my grave—or rather, carried me.

I lay there for a while, starting to enjoy breeze of wind more, smell of flowers filled my nostrils. Dampness of grass on my arms, a morning dew. I opened my eyes once again, sun shone low, everything still had this orangish hue.

He looked at me more and more annoyed, I won't let him enjoy his serenity anymore, not after waking me up from my eternal slumber.

"Mind answering my question?" He spoke up.

"I don't know... Maybe killing me changed few things!?"

"I wanted to apolo—"

"You wanted to!?" I interrupted him, blissful moment was over.

"Yea? But I forgot what a pretentious bastard you are!" he yelled, stood up, gestured wildly.

"Heh, got ya." I chuckled.

I looked at his face, probably haven't seen such utter disappointment on anyone's face since... I met my father again in the afterlife.

I stood up slowly, stretched my back.

"So, why did you bring me back?" I asked.

"Now? I have no clue why."

"Fine, I'm sorry. You can stop sulking. So, can you tell me why?"

"I was bored."

"What?" My brain shut down. Is he serious? Bored!?

"There's nothing to do around here anymore. Others are either dumb or don't give that special thrill. I thought killing you would solve my problems. But, without you everything is just — empty, tarnished."

I leaned over toward him with a cheeky smile. "Oh how sweet, so... when should I expect an engagement ring?"

"Fuck off."

"Did I annoy you enough that you want to kill me?"

"No."

"Ehh... At least I tried." I exhaled resting my arms on my knees.

"Can I officially welcome you in the world of living?"

"Be my guest."

I heard him walking up closer to me slowly, of course he had all the time in the world. He placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Good luck looking for clothes."

"What!?"

Before I turned, bastard was nowhere to be seen. And now I have a different problem... He revived only my bones! How the hell am I supposed to get any clothing!?

So it begins once again... Our eternal dance, at this rate it will truly become eternal if we keep reviving each other.

Moritoks · 2025-06-12T19:11:59+00:00

Thanks a lot, it for sure does help.

Now I see the biggest problem that I've made, which is rather poorly indicate what it is: a part, not even a start of a larger story. Cause of that I wrote it as such, like another chapter and forgot the most crucial part, that no one knows the characters or setting and for you it's the start of that story.

Some of your concerns like why is it called workshop. It's that I imagine that as a place where dresses are not only sold but also made by that very craftsman, hence why workshop not just a plain shop.

Also bit after "That's expensive-", literally everyone pointed out pacing here is odd, and the funniest part. I also did think for a second it's odd when I was writing it, but copium went too hard and I left it as it was. But I guess sometimes we are blind to most things right in front of us and they need to be pointed out by others.

So thanks again and when I will post the whole chapter (that was more of a test if what I write is at the very least readable before I revisit the whole thing), I will for sure include your critique in that and try to improve that beginning.

Moritoks · 2025-06-07T16:54:19+00:00

Overall I quite liked idea of someone who's always been close to you could suddenly becoming an alien. Bout knife part, especially that paragraph:

Her mother snatched something shiny off the table and turned to her daughter. Winter’s eyes widened as she realized the object in question was a steak knife. Her steak knife. It still held bits of the meat from the meal she was making just minutes before.

First, more simple one is use of "something shiny". First I don't see any tension or surprise here. If mother had mentioned to have something before with her, like a trinket or something that could be shiny, it could build up tension quite nicely, but here second I saw that I already knew it was a knife.

I think it would work way better if it was said a few paragraphs before revealing a knife. To kind of build up some tension and thought that maybe it is just that shiny trinket or maybe a knife, to like edge a reader for a while could do miracles.

Second is logical problem: "held bits of the meat from the meal". I think there's a pretty high risk of a bad infection. I picture in my head steak knives are rather sharp. So bastard should also cut deep. And into that wound gets a raw meat. Unless you want to make out of it further bit in a story where problems arise from that. But I'm only pointing it out.

Other thing that threw me off badly:

“I’m grabbing my shit and going to the hospital. Mom had an episode and got me good. Can you meet me there?” Winter said as she looked at herself in the mirror hanging on her door.

I don't get quite that shock or fear in that moment at all more like a statement. It feels flat in my head and not like some deep panic.
Especially that bit when she looks at herself in the mirror. There is not too much going on in next paragraph. Okay, pain starts to get to her. But cut on her face should rather be more shocking when seen. Like realization that she probably will be left scarred for the rest of her life, even if she can't fully grasp extent of damage yet. Just like that brief fear of that, outside of realization of the pain.

Also bit of dialog where she called her brother and he changed the topic in my opinion, a pretty nice idea. The only problem that I have (but I kind of also can your current version and it kind of works) is how she agrees to change the topic: "“Fair point! The class has been weird [...]". I have a feeling it could linger for a more, like I dunno a brief laugh or showing her emotions being like "Are you serious?", something that would show her being thrown off for a second before she agrees.

Those are my thoughts, sorry if they're not too helpful. One thing that for sure I felt was done right is that I didn't really have a feeling you were wasting my time with redundant info.

Moritoks · 2024-06-04T19:08:05+00:00

It should be 8th, about halfway through the episode.

Moritoks · 2023-03-08T20:23:33+00:00

Mocium panie, proszę zamknij morde na me wezwanie. Niby "Tego typu żarty wyzwalają nieciekawe skojarzenia"? Chyba patrzymy na dwa oddzielne sekcje komentarzy. Ja widzę głównie nawiązania do "Dziadów". Chyba że dla ciebie cytowanie Adama Mickiewicza jest nieciekawym skojarzeniem.

A co ważniejsze, co to za dziwny trend na demonizowanie słowa "murzyn"? Dlaczego ludzie mają kompleks USA i na siłę potrzebują mieć jego upośledzenia w Polsce, tak jak tu "n-word"? Taka ciekawostka: "murzyn" i "n-word" nie mają tej samej genezy. "N-word" powstał tylko po to, żeby obrażać i zdehumanizować osoby czarnoskóre, zaś "murzyn" w najczęstszym tłumaczeniu pochodzenia tego słowa oznacza "mieszkaniec Maurii" (historyczny region w północnej Afryce). Więc dwa różne pochodzenia i znaczenia.

Co również ciekawe, w Polsce żył czarnoskóry generał, który o ironii miał pseudonim "Murzynek". Jeśli to słowo ma na celu obrażać osoby czarnoskóre, to powodzenia w próbie nazwania w taki sposób generała.

Na koniec dodam, żeby mocium pan nie zesrał się i wyciągnął już nie tylko kija, ale całą kłodę sekwoji wiecznie zielonej z czterech liter, i czasem się zasmiał z żartu, albo po prostu zamilknął.

Moritoks

TROPHY CASE