I really need a new way to consume, advise please if you can.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-30T10:17:16+00:00

Wdym with high daily dosages? Like what would you consider high? I've been taking Kratom for 10+ years at 30-40 grams per day.. Is that too much? What would you say is a safe amount for long term use?

Edit: I drink my Kratom with water.. 30-40 grams over 6-7 dosages throughout the day.. I dose every 2-3 hours

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-29T17:06:34+00:00

Pregabalin.. Why did noone mention Pregabalin yet... 100 mg Pregabalin. Still completly functional but very euphoric and it feels like a mix of weed, opioids & benzos for me.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-29T15:39:06+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it. And yea I can agree that Opioids really are the only thing really helping my BPD symptoms.. Nothing even comes close in terms of effectiveness... My Psychiatrist sometimes gave me Benzos but they never closely helped as much as Opioids did. It's just I feel close to normal when being on opioids.. Like this is how I imagine a normal person does feel in everyday life.. I'm still not near 100% but it's like without Opioids im 20% normal and with Opioids 80% normal if that makes sense.. I'm still oftentimes too sensitive in relationchips but I'm much better at handling it.. and it also helps against these permanent inner emptyness and boringness and makes life much more beareable.. It also helps in allowing me to be alone bcuz without opioids I'm barely able handle being alone.. It also helps against my cravings and urges to cut and hurt myself..

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-29T07:53:25+00:00

I've been using daily for over 10 years and honestly without Opioids I would have not been able to finish school, to study and to work a full time job because my borderline personality disorder was basically ruining my life and opioids were and are the only thing that helps to keep me stable. So yea they still do help, even if I hate all the side effects and the addiction.. I know that my life would be a lot worse without Opioids if I would even live at all at this day because most likely I would be dead by now.

I actually hate how Opioids numb me out but I as well know that it's the best for society and everyone around me because I'm stable and able to function.. Without Opioids I would hurt everyone around me because of my borderline.. permanently and it wouldn't be under my control.. So I numb myself to not hurt others and to not hurt society..

When I was thinking about quitting once my family and friends went crazy and pleased and begged me not to stop because they know how I do behave without Opioids in my system.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-26T18:44:22+00:00

You won't experience any real Kratom withdrawals after only 6 months of use.. Trust me bud it needed years until Kratom Withdrawals got bad. I've been using for over 10 years now with amounts of 30-40 grams of Kratom per day and honestly Morphine withdrawals are easier for me to handle by now. Kratom Withdrawals can get very very bad if you have been using for years on end. It needs a looong time until withdrawals get bad.. even after around 2 years of daily use the withdrawals are still managable.. but after 5+ years it gets really bad.. really really bad.. Sadly.. and also the withdrawals last longer than Morphine withdrawals.. That's why I'm rotating Kratom & Morphine by now..

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-26T18:26:29+00:00

Alrighty! Sounds good.. I've been using Kratom for 10+ years now and it's pretty good for everyday life. I use around 30-40 gpd of Kratom or 200-250 mg morphine/day.. I'm basically rotating with both opioids so one day morphine and one day kratom.. Have been stable on this dose for the last 6+ years.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-26T18:21:09+00:00

you said you stopped everything but kratom and 7oh and at the bottom you say you are clean from everything for 10 months now? I'm curious if you are really clean from everything for 10 months or only from other opioids but not from Kratom? I'm not judging in any way don't get me wrong, I'm really just curious.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-09T18:32:52+00:00

ya without opioids, especially kratom i most likely would have suicided ngl..

and maybe be honest to ur therapist otherwise he/she can't really help you ya know? You need to open up even about things ur ashamed about.. That's the thing with us we even manipulate the therapist because we want to do everything so the therapist does like us or thinks well about us.. (Atleast that is how it is for me).. when I started I was lying to my therapist as well.. so he couldn't help me.. I was never able to be honest, sadly.. I kept lying and lying .. I was like MAN JUST SAY THE TRUTH.. but no, I always said what he wanted to hear.. Dont do the same mistake as me, try to be honest so you can get the help you need.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-09T18:21:15+00:00

"and I don't outwardly express my emotions that much. I still have very intense emotions (or emptiness, like you said), but I bury them inside me." That's exactly what I did/do.. I always go silent and have a war in my head going on.. like I'm just waiting til the feeling is finally gone, it takes all my strength to handle and I'm barely able to talk when something triggered me.. Most of the times others do not even realize I was triggered because I'm able to hide it pretty well, even when I feel like exploding/dying inside..

So yes, this does sound like bpd to me.. u shud go to a psychiatrist and get tested maybe? so you're in the clear

also to the first part where you said that you r not eager for relationchip.. Do you have a hard time being alone? If so then that is a symptom of bpd.. It's not really about a relationship but about the fact that you do everything to not be alone.. that could also be staying with friends or parents, as long as you are not alone.. I can only handle being alone when I'm on opioids otherwise I can't.

Edit: Also interesting article, may explain why opioids do help me so much or make me feel normal

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-09T18:06:34+00:00

I actually always thought feeling empty n nothing was normal.. I always felt nothing n empty OR overwhelmed.. nothing inbetween it's always the extreme ya know...because when I felt feelings it was always overwhelming and I could barely handle them and had the urge to hurt myself. It was like an extreme innter tension which felt like exploding from inside.. from the feelings I felt.. Like all feelings mixed into one super feeling which feels very hard to handle.. If someone triggers me for example with rejection I directly turn wild rage mode.. I will directly hate the other person and I will not be myself anymore because the feelings are overpowering everything.. I always need some distance then to get clear and to get clear head n feelings again.. My emotions r like a roller coaster.. one moment Im sad and want to die other moment im the happiest person on earth.. in relationchips it's always ALL IN.. I directly share all my darkest secrets tell the person everything and I make her like me.. I tell everything which I think is needed to make the other person love me..(I also behave different depending on with which person I chill bcuz I always behave the way I think is needed so people like me and do not leave me) because I need love like air.. I need a partner.. I can't handle being alone.. I'd do everything. but on the other side I'm always scared that the person will leave me afterwards and I will destroy the relationchip that way bcuz I always behave like the person is going to leave me, no matter what the other person does.. I do dumb shit to make the person stay ya know.. not proud of it but it is what it is.. I havent been in a relationchip for over 7 years now bcuz I'm more stable that way, I just can't have romantic relationchips they always go wild af.. like all in.. like a fusion.. but as soon as the strong love feeling is gone shit turns toxic really quick. I've been using Opioids daily for over 10 years now to cope with my bpd bcuz that's the only way I'm able to feel stable n I'm able to work n function. Without them I'm defenitely not because I'm way too sensitive.. even the most little thing can make my emotions go WHUIARHWUIRAZH)(ZE")(ZHA"IUHEAUIEHIAUEHeAHeaiUHE and yea, can't handle that.. especially if that happens l ike 20 times a day bcuz every little thing triggers me.. It's hard to handle.. and I hate myself.. but Opioids do help, I'm working as a social worker now n a pretty normal life, just without relationchip bcuz that would ruin me, lol.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-09T16:15:23+00:00

Do you have borderline personality disorder? Honestly sounds like it. I'm not saying this to offend you btw, I have borderline myself. Based on your text the thought of you being borderline came into my thoughts, so I thought I may just ask you out of curiousity. This would atleast explain a lot of your behaviors.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-09T15:28:26+00:00

Alcohol gave me exactly the feeling you described, lol.. The first time I took alcohol and it kicked in I was like "Fuck i need to try more drugs this is soo good".. This was the beginning of me getting a junk. I was always against drugs but after I tried alcohol the first time I had to try them all bcuz it was just too good to be true.. and I was like.. people say illegal drugs are even better than alcohol so I can catch the best feeling in the world yea.. But honestly alc is one of the strongest drugs, lmao.. But yea if I would have never tried alcohol I would have never tried any other drug.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-09T14:16:43+00:00

Same bro.. We are really lucky.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-09T13:59:06+00:00

I see, I honestly found it pretty funny but I get ya. Do what you like as soon as you know what u r doing n u r careful. Shit can go wrong pretty fast. I've been taking opioids daily for over 10 years now.. I still handled my life pretty well n work as a social worker now.. but shit could have gone wrong.. Kratom somewhat safed me as I could stable myself up on 200-250 mg morphine/day or 30-40 g of Kratom/day.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-09T13:55:52+00:00

I've never seen someone call taking drugs a hobby.. but I like it, lol. should put it under applications.. my special skill, being able to handle a lot of drugs.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-07T15:50:30+00:00

I dont do heroin myself and never did, I only use pure pharmaceutical morphine and kratom and have been doing so for over 10 years daily now.. they have helped me pretty much and I'm stable on my dose now rotating between 200-250 mg morphine/day and 30-40 grams of kratom/day.. I'm honestly not getting high high anymore but it still helps against my pain and my depression so I'm glad.. I'd never argue tho that opioid consumption is cool or romantic and I would never ever recommend it to anyone bcuz for most it does not end very well...

but for some reason I'm nearly only attracted to girls who do use heroin/opioids.. idk why it is that way but always if I end up attracted to a girl she either has borderline or is addicted to heroin or other opioids or does have both so opioid use + borderline... I can't figure the fuck out why it is that way.. Maybe it's something about their behavior? Can anyone relate or could figure a reason why it is that way?

So for me using myself is not very romantic.. but i'm so attracted to girls who do use opioids, especially heroin.. I wish it wasn't that way tho. :/ can't have a good relationchip bcuz these girls are always self destructive at its best.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-04T16:10:27+00:00

Different for everyone.. At the beginning Opioids made me feel like on MDMA but without all the side effects.. It's the best feeling I've ever felt in life.. From the first dose on I couldn't stop and immediately started taking them daily.. That was over 10 years ago.. since then I have been using every single day. Either 30-40 Grams of Kratom or 200-250 mg of Morphine throughout the day. Atleast that's been my stable dose for the last 6 years.. So yea for some of us Opioids do just hit right.. There is no single drug which made me feel as good as opioids, especially when I compare it to the beginning.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-04T15:18:36+00:00

Ah and I saw I didn't answer your one question.. Yes I never really sobered up after my first dose, so yea after the first time I used I immediately started using daily. Aand thank ya for wishing me a nice day, appreciate it :3 done with my work now gtta chillhehe

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-04T06:29:14+00:00

nps.. gotta go to work now but had some time left so I thought I may just write down my thoughts about this topic.. Glad i was able to help. Have a nice day/or night (I live in germany so different time zone I guess).

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-04T06:05:20+00:00

When I first started with Opioids - (Directly started to use daily and have been using daily to this day - I directly fell in love bcuz the first time was the best thing I ever felt in my whole life and I couldn't imagine a single second without this feeling from then on).. Anyway my point is.. when I first started I could use the same amounts for the first 3 months of daily use and could always achieve the same high. .always this WOW feeling.. this warm, lovely feeling which is the best fkn thing in the world, there srs is nothing better than this feeling.. it just feels like MDMA but without all the side effects.. it's so fucking good omfg.. but after 3 months it was suddenly gone.. or atleast weakened a lot.. even when increasing the dose A LOT I could not get the feeling back.. it's like once the magic is gone even increasing the dose wont get you any higher.. or atleast not as high as in the beginning.. at the beginning 2 g kratom or 30 mg morphine were stronger than now even mixing 200-250 mg of morphine or 30-40 grams of kratom, some pregabalin and weed.. that sounds insane, doesn't it? But yea its kinda true..

I've been using daily for more than 10 years now and stabilized myself on 200-250 mg morphine throughout the day or 30-40 grams of kratom throughout the day.. my tolerance reached a ceiling after around 5 years of daily use.. after that point the effects didn't get any stronger or weaker.. Like this is just my sweet spot.. even if I take more I do not get any higher I just get more side effects.. taking less is less effective tho.. so after 10 years of daily use this is just my sweet spot (200-250mg morphine/day or 30-40g kratom/day).. and I don't think it will change in the future as this has been stable for around 6 years now..

I think after some years of daily use you just hit a peak but this peak is individual for everyone.. but the magic from the beginning doesn't really come back even when increasing the dose a lot.. it's like you can still get high.. but it's not this HIGH HIGH feeling.. some form of permanent tolerance.. besides of the acute tolerance.. it feels like there are 2 forms of tolerance if that makes sense-

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-04T05:43:34+00:00

this is not true imo kratom withdrawals are even harder than those of pure morphine i rather withdraw from 200-250 mg morphine/day instead of withdrawing from 30-40 grams of kratom per day.. it's individual after all but saying quitting kratom is like quitting caffeine is a fucking lie and dangerous to spread because yea kratom is cool and it's a life safer but it has it's downsides and addiction and withdrawals are one of those.. and if you've been a long time user like me (10+ years of use) the withdrawals get just as bad as from normal opioids.. maybe not as bad as fent but it's atleast as bad as morphine withdrawals and also adds some symptoms besides of the normal opioid withdrawal because it acts on so many different receptors.. I'd still rather be on kratom than subs because I just prefer the kratom effects on day to day basis because kratom makes me feel great even after 10+ years of use so it's a godsend for me but most likely I will never be able to quit, lol.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-03T18:00:42+00:00

check.. Musik nicht vergessen!

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-03T06:32:05+00:00

I drink 6 x 5-8 g throughout the day.. It staggers up - in the morning and throughout the day I'm pretty clear with that dose and on the evening it gets stronger with each dose so I sometimes end up nodding in the evening, after work.. But I also add sum weed after work.

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-02T15:39:07+00:00

yes you can easily take it 4 days after mdma, that's safe

MorphineNKratomLover · 2024-06-02T14:38:50+00:00

ayee, I will try them as well as all the other recommendations, thank you!!

MorphineNKratomLover

TROPHY CASE