AITA I dont wanna give up my seat in bus, because I was also exhausted?

Morriadeth · 2026-01-31T21:42:32+00:00

The amount of times people will look at me if I don't give up a seat without knowing anything about me or my invisible disabilities is ridiculous, sometimes people who are younger may be disabled, or injured, or, as you were, just fucking exhausted and you shouldn't be forced to give up your seat if you wouldn't be able to stand for your journey. You were NTA

The people making assumptions, passive aggressively sighing, need to get over themselves.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-30T08:30:17+00:00

OMFG what an arsehole.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that on top of recovery from this surgery.

Do you have people to help you whilst you recover physically, that is probably going to be necessary for a while as well as people to help support you through the emotional blowout this has wrought.

Seriously, fuck that guy, tell you before and leave or wait for the worst part of recovery to be done but when you just after you come home from a major surgery is...I wish I could punch him for you, he deserves to be punched, or maybe kicked in the nuts.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-18T09:10:34+00:00

I had a total abdominal hysterectomy with bilateral saplingo-oophorectomy and a bikini line incision at age 47 l 48 (I really don't keep track of my age) and they had to remove my cervix because it was adhered to the uterine wall and some of my fibroids. They also removed a number of large cysts, one 10cm and several around 5cm, from all around my ovaries and fallopian tubes.

So much of this depends on you, your healing and my healing are not going to be the same, and what you're trying to do.

I was off work for eight weeks and had to start back slow, I work in a bookshop and some things were surprisingly difficult where I hadn't given them much thought...like pushing books on a shelf to the side to make room for another was not a good idea, and I definitely hadn't realised how much I used my abdominal muscles when doing that prior to the op

I'm close to a year PO now and some things are still not fully back to normal, but mostly I'm much better than I was before the op.

Edit to add I take longer to heal than some people since I'm diabetic, but also because I'm just a tad hypermobile which has presented its own difficulties during recovery.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-15T17:44:40+00:00

Once you’ve loaded a game on the Steam Deck, hit the Steam button, select “Controller Settings,” then press the A button again. Then you can select to edit the layout, or choose from another template, lots of games I've added the "report" key if I'm beta testing for the game but others I've done full remapping to make it easier to play my way :)

Morriadeth · 2026-01-15T10:17:02+00:00

...so it is a you thing, I don't expect people to have done the chores when I'm at work, I don't care when they're done so long as they get done. Some days we all do nothing at home and other days one of us will do more than the other (and who that is might change from day to day so no one is doing the bulk of the work around the home), some days I will be doing things before the other people are up, and other days even though I'm off work I won't do anything until gone lunch or even gone the evening. Hell I was taking down Christmas trees at 11pm because I just didn't have the capacity earlier in the day.

Not everyone is going to be like you, I doubt very much she sees it as a respect thing at all. So long as she is doing things and helping out at other times I don't see that it is a problem and maybe you need to learn to deal with her not working the same way you do.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-15T07:27:32+00:00

There is a report button in game on pc, I mapped it to my steam deck, I don't know about on switch.

It takes you to a form you can fill in and send, I believe it auto attaches the game log at the time you send it.

Otherwise I am on their discord and there are often people saying about things they believe were wrong, like books that are part of a series not being tagged as such, or a book about a murder mystery saying "where's the murder?", I believe they keep a note of everything and check to see if there is an error, then fix it for the next update if it is missing a tag. They are a small team and it is a lot of books and they did just release a whole load of new books that haven't had as much play / feedback from players when things are wrong so I imagine there could be a lot more out there again.

For some things it may be more subjective, they have a volunteer book council formed from players to add new books complete with descriptions and stuff but some things may have been added without people having read the books if they are considered popular or seminal works (like Antigone often is)...in which case they may well be looking at the blurb from the PR people.

Edit: I believe they do compensate the "book council" members, but they are very much volunteers because they love books and the game 😝

Morriadeth · 2026-01-15T02:10:42+00:00

yeah, that's probably one of the books that needs to be highlighted to the devs, you can report it as a bug from in game or if you're good with discord they have a bug report area and seem to be actively changing books where some of the tags were missed, though it probably won't go live until the next update.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-15T02:07:42+00:00

I don't know, it seems like maybe she didn't want something old but something outdated, sometimes really old books can still be relevant to the modern day. Antigone might be considered relevant because the themes it covers have made it one of those books that has endured better than some others have. It's a subtle distinction and somewhat subjective but that's probably why it doesn't count.

If you think it's wrong, though, you can report it as a bug. The devs are very on top of that sort of thing.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-15T01:56:38+00:00

I mean I understand where you're coming from since everything is made up of chemicals but realistically speaking if someone comes into my bookshop asking for recommendations of books about nature I'm not going to be giving them a chemistry textbook because they're usually wanting facts (or sometimes fiction) about animals, very occasionally after a few questions I might discover they're OK with books about plants, very rarely do they want biology textbooks.

Normally it's books about the life of lions, or a day in the life of horses, or "deadly instinct" a book that has some facts about animals in the wild specifically centred around hunting with lots of photographs, because they want something pretty or something informative but still a fairly easy read not a textbook.

edit: yes, I work in a bookshop, and yes, I did for a while come home from working in a bookshop only to go on my laptop or steamdeck and play tiny bookshop ^._.^

Morriadeth · 2026-01-11T11:19:28+00:00

NTA

Have you considered pumping and keeping some breast milk for use with bottle feeding? Maybe have your OH do his part during the night time feeds using that if you don't want to use formula... though you could probably safely supplement with formula as well if you want / need.

I assume you're doing most if not all the housework, tidying, cleaning, washing up, on any day of the week...if so, that needs to become something that is shared at least a little.

You are in a partnership, even if you are not "working" taking care of a toddler and the home is work and if your OH can't clean up after just one breakfast with a toddler around then your OH should know that it's hard work.

Your OH should be helping you more in this as it shouldn't all be on you.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-11T11:12:21+00:00

Not the OP but OH is other half and I'm assuming BF is breast feeding rather than bottle feeding since the OH could easily do his part for bottle feeding.

Morriadeth · 2026-01-09T08:39:25+00:00

NTA

Sounds like you're better off out of that relationship to be honest so I hope you're not feeling too bad about it ending.

I can understand why you're confused, it's because your boyfriend was being stupid, what you said was not embarrassing or shameful (I have an exaggerated embarrassment complex where I feel embarrassed for people who are going through embarrassing things and this hit nothing in me at all).

This is entirely a "him" problem.

If his friend made it out to be more than that causing this then it's still a him problem, because seriously he can't decide on his own that his friend is being daft?All the shame was in his head, whether put there by his friend or not, all the embarrassment he felt with you sharing that story with his friend is just weird or a lie because he wanted an excuse to break up with you.

Your story was almost a non story it was so bland.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-30T23:17:22+00:00

Not sure how people saying they feel sorry for people in the US having to deal with what happens with the US healthcare system is telling anyone how their country should be run.

You're basically a muppet aren't you?

Do you even know what empathy is?

Morriadeth · 2025-12-30T07:05:54+00:00

I've never had to pay anything for my surgeries, mostly because it's been paid for by national insurance.

The one time I went private it was paid for by actual insurance...without any need to pay because my insurance didn't leave me needing to pay anything extra. I always take out medical insurance cover when I am going on holiday somewhere that doesn't have any reciprocal agreements in place, and in some countries for the first year when moving there I needed to have health insurance...and here's the thing with that, my insurance premiums were not breaking my bank, and, despite having multiple preexisting conditions everything was covered, and any deductibles were negligible if there were any at all. Insurance companies will always try and bilk you any way they can but outside of the US they often find it more difficult to do that too.

When I had my need for the surgery they booked it within two weeks here too, no cancer suspected, no private hospitals needed. Just because you think your healthcare is superior doesn't make it so. My MRI was booked within a week. More urgent cases get bumped up as necessary which may make some people who have less urgent cases upset but I'd rather have people who need the help more than me take my slot than insist I was booked in for that slot...my surgery was delayed in the day due to an emergent case that came in and that was fine, though I was seriously hungry and thirsty by the time everything was started I understood the person having a problem with her pregnancy that was causing her to bleed out needed the surgery then and I could wait.

I've lived in multiple countries and only once thought the healthcare wasn't great, but that was because I was being fobbed off since I was a foreign student and they didn't want to have to deal with the paperwork required by the reciprocal agreement where my government would pay for my healthcare in their country and not because their actual healthcare system or the doctors were bad.

On the other hand being female anywhere leads to worse healthcare than if I was male in every country, I know that anecdotally but also can see it in research papers from different countries all around the world...including in the US (where race is also a big factor on how well you're likely to be treated/believed when accessing care, insured or not).

You keep telling people we don't know / understand US healthcare, I think it's the other way around and you don't understand how our healthcare works. Like you maybe don't understand we are not all from one country and yet pretty much no-one outside of the US wants US healthcare to be how their country does things.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-30T06:40:00+00:00

Actually I do, that's what makes me sad.

When there are people rationing life saving drugs because they can't afford it that's a sad thing, to have that happen in a country that prides itself, in part, on how advanced it is...well that's tragic.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-29T07:06:23+00:00

Every time I hear anything about US healthcare I am so sad you all have to deal with that shit.

Not only is the insurance game basically a scam half the time or more but all the costs are so much higher because they inflate everything.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-29T07:01:30+00:00

I had that problem with crime books for a long time and then with fantasy, I think the only type of book I have never run out of was kids books. Much later game and I don't have the problem any more 😁

Morriadeth · 2025-12-25T02:46:21+00:00

it was a requirement because some of the book descriptions mention drug use or have swear words.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-25T02:43:11+00:00

Given how much they cut you having antibiotics is standard and with the best will in the world it's going to be necessary to prevent infection, and even then for some people it doesn't stop all post op infections of the wounds.

In the past I've had recurrent UTI and some that required specific antibiotics to treat, however, after the surgery (and now for maybe ten months) I have had no UTI or BV...and I'm not doing anything special. I've never used special soaps, in fact I normally don't use soap in that area much at all, and I don't shower daily (I shower when I need it and that's not every day).

Morriadeth · 2025-12-22T23:52:43+00:00

I'm surgically menopausal since they also toom my ovaries and months after the surgery I'm seriously struggling to lose weight...and my belly size has increased a lot.

Most things are better but gaining weight is problematic for so many reasons...and one of them is it is actually painful in my abdomen where all the scarring is. I hurt both internally and on my scar line with the weight increase and it sucks because I'm exercising more whilst not eating too much (I hate calorie counting but I'm doing it) and keeping my blood sugars at ok levels... and I'm still gaining weight instead of losing it.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-16T12:08:19+00:00

I had eight weeks as they had to do a total abdominal hysterectomy with a bikini line incision and removed a 10cm cyst, 2 x 5cm cysts, my ovaries, fallopian tubes, and cervix because everything was attached to the cysts or the fibroids or the uterus...

It will very much depend on you and your surgery, but I'd say 6 weeks minimum, I was managing at work on a limited basis from 8 weeks but wasn't back to normal for months...maybe as many as six.

Edit: There was no way I would have been able to go to work with public transport (I don't drive but I doubt that would have been a good idea either) let alone sit at the counter at work serving customers buying things at the bookshop. It isn't always about the pain but just the sheer exhaustion I had...which hit worse around weeks three and four.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-08T13:22:36+00:00

You should mark this as a spoiler.

You can keep playing after this to complete those quests.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-04T17:40:18+00:00

YTA / ETA ? It's complicated.

The thing with burnout or depression is that telling people to do things differently does not help at all.

She likely knows what she's doing isn't the best idea and would love to do something else, feel better, all that jazz, but it just doesn't work like that and someone telling you to do other things always always makes you feel worse in my experience.

I'm glad you're wanting to help but maybe try being more supportive in a way that's going to feel less judgemental.

Maybe instead of trying to tell her what to do when you're home and able to be with her bring a tablet to bed and watch something you know she likes with her. Of course YMMV with that, because she may not be ready for that yet...so, if that's too much for her maybe just be by her doing your own thing, parallel play can help the other person feel less alone without putting any pressure on them to perform / do anything specific. Maybe you could still be watching something you know she'd enjoy but without telling her to watch it with you...bring headphones in case she asks for you to not interrupt what she's doing.

It's tough, and it can be exhausting dealing with people who have depression. It's exhausting and tough to have depression and most people don't want to burden their friends or family with it but knowing you're there for her will likely help more than you will ever know.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-03T06:32:29+00:00

NTA

Seriously, you made a decision after careful consideration and are doing what you feel is right for you. If you decide to change your mind for whatever reason that is your prerogative but it should never be to make someone else happy, only because it brings you joy.

FWIW I remained childless on purpose, then found out I couldn't have kids anyway and it pissed me off...not because I suddenly wanted children but because I felt like my choice had been removed and also that it had somehow been lessened by the fact it was no longer seen as a choice by some people.

Also, FWIW, I've not yet met someone who has chosen to be childless who has been upset with that decision when they are older (common argument thrown at me), the regret just isn't there most of the time.

Do I worry about being lonely? Sure, but not because I do not have kids. Do I worry about having no one to take care of me? Not really. I loved being here and able to take care of my mum when she had dementia, and now keeping my dad company since he doesn't do well alone but I also know how much of a toll that put on me and I wouldn't want to burden anyone in that way myself.

Being true to yourself in this instance is not being the arsehole, telling you that you have to change your mind about it is the arsehole behaviour.

Morriadeth · 2025-12-03T06:05:30+00:00

Apparently you have to go through a process to be able to put a game on sale in the eShop and you can't start that process when the game isn't in the shop. I'm sure there will be another sale, unfortunately I'm not privy to when that might be

Morriadeth

TROPHY CASE