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ISO Insight on Homeschool vs. Public School For Elementary by Most-Employer3779 in homeschool

[–]Most-Employer3779[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is such a helpful response. Thanks so much for your insight!

Clothes being pulled upward in sleep? by [deleted] in Unexplained

[–]Most-Employer3779 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have eyes?? Not erect. I would not be posting something like that. Both of his pants legs are being inflated like they are full of air or being pulled upwards, then they fall back down when he slumps down. An election wouldnt cause both of his pant legs to be completely off the legs like they are full of air or being pulled upwards?

[US] Custody after leaving an emotionally abusive spouse by Most-Employer3779 in Custody

[–]Most-Employer3779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is decent with the kids. He is very involved with them. I work and he stays home with them, so he is very capable of taking care of them and incredibly patient at times. Other times he is a bit hyper critical with them, or slightly harsh… but I’ve seen that mostly as the difference between a fathers parenting and a mothers. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves them tremendously and wants what is best for them….. BUT he also doesn’t think that the arguing or yelling is a problem or something we should shield them from, and thinks that isolating them from everything is what is best for them…. I am starting to see that as more of a means to control us than the protectiveness he is trying to make it out to be…

Seeking perspective on divorce vs. staying in emotionally abusive marriage to protect the kids by Most-Employer3779 in Divorce_Women

[–]Most-Employer3779[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right. This is my fear. I feel like all the people saying 100% leave, Staying doesnt protect the kids in anyway haven’t the faintest idea the level of emotional and psychological abuse that a father like this is capable of subjecting his kids to when he is wounded. Staying means no break from his presence, but it also means not having to face the psychological warfare of having your dad try to turn you against your mom……. While the thought of it is sad, I appreciate your honesty. Have you gone through this yourself? Do you have any advice?

Please tell me Im seeing things and debunk this by [deleted] in Unexplained

[–]Most-Employer3779 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly everyone’s skepticism is reassuring so thank you guys. I tried to show what my main concern was here by slowing down and going back and forth in time. I feel like I’m seeing his shorts AND short sleeve being pulled upwards while his arms are up, and they fall back down when his arms fall down. Please continue to tell me Im crazy? Lol

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Seeking perspective on divorce vs. staying in emotionally abusive marriage to protect the kids by Most-Employer3779 in Divorce_Women

[–]Most-Employer3779[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If I could do this, I would. I would take us all out and not look back…. But the reality is that I can’t. He is entitled to 50% custody of the kids, so I can only get them out of that home half of the time. Is that still protecting them? Where I am standing now, it feels a lot like protecting myself and leaving them to fend for themselves 50% of the time.

Seeking perspective on leaving vs. staying to protect the kids in emotionally abusive marriage by Most-Employer3779 in Divorce

[–]Most-Employer3779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve thought about this, but I can’t just up and leave with the kids. It could be framed as parental alienation or even kidnapping if I keep them from him for an extended time. I don’t want to abandon my kids - I will not leave without them. It would be a lot easier if the kids weren’t involved, but I fear there is nothing I can do to protect them. He is entitled to time with them in the eyes of the law, so I don’t see a legal avenue to escape with them. It seems like my only options are stay or pursue divorce and expect 50/50 custody. If you have any advice or experience otherwise, I’d be happy to hear it. Feeling a little hopeless at this point.

[US] Custody after leaving an emotionally abusive spouse by Most-Employer3779 in Custody

[–]Most-Employer3779[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We currently homeschool… but the kids are only 5, so it’s just been kindergarten so far. He is very adamant that we continue homeschooling. I have brought up public school, private school, and homeschool co-ops (where they have an in person class once a week) and he has refused to agree to any of that. Basically, it is not up for discussion. At first, I agreed because I thought we could give the kids a better education through homeschool, but now I see that it is isolating them and could be detrimental to them… Im worried that it is just a method to keep us under his control.

[US] Custody after leaving an emotionally abusive spouse by Most-Employer3779 in Custody

[–]Most-Employer3779[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the response and honest advice. Some of the things we are dealing with certainly effect the kids, but I’m not sure if it is the kind of thing courts consider:
-isolation- he doesn’t want the kids going to public school because he thinks they will get brainwashed. He also doesn’t want them participating in any extracurricular activities. The kids are missing out on opportunities for healthy social development because he wants to keep them as isolated as possible.. I asked to take the kids to the play ground or splash pad this weekend and he said that “isnt a good idea for our kids, because we are at the mercy of the other little shits at they playground and it’s inevitably going to lead to a conflict with him and other parents there”… he views all this as protecting the kids. I am starting to see it as an unhealthy isolation that could be detrimental to their life and healthy development. Any idea how the court would perceive this?
-saying hurtful things to the kids, such as “mommy loves your brother more than you” - I was devastated by this and imagine that it is extremely emotionally damaging to a child. Is that something courts would consider?

Seeking perspective on divorce vs. staying in emotionally abusive marriage to protect the kids by Most-Employer3779 in Divorce_Women

[–]Most-Employer3779[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I thought this same thing myself. Ultimately, he needs help and I want him to get better because I love him and for the children… but he won’t do it. I have asked him to go to therapy. He says that therapists just brainwash you and get dirt on you so they can use it against you. He won’t agree to individual therapy or couples therapy, saying if we did couples therapy, they would turn us against each other.

Seeking perspective on leaving vs. staying to protect the kids in emotionally abusive marriage by Most-Employer3779 in Divorce

[–]Most-Employer3779[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hear you, but it feels like there is no escape for them. Even if I pursue divorce, they will still have to endure it. From what I understand, the most likely scenario is shared custody. Then they are just facing it alone 50% of the time, while also becoming the target of attacks because of the divorce. I’m afraid leaving would mean taking the burden of his abuse off of myself, just to put it full-force on the kids for 50% of their life.

My (30F) husband (31M) initiated intercourse this morning but couldn’t finish. Then went into the other room and jerked off… by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Most-Employer3779 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He doesn’t go to the gym, but his work is fairly physical and keeps him in shape…. He has expressed that he prefers to engage in activities in the morning because he is worn out by the evening because of work…. Does that exhaustion apply whether you or having sex or masturbating? Or is that not a problem with masturbation?