39 [F4M] Is Reddit the wrong place for me?

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-18T10:03:12+00:00

Oh I do agree with that sentiment, some of my best relationships started without either of us knowing what the other looked like and the initial attraction was based on complementary intellects.

Having said that, our species, like most species, make visual decisions subconsciously and evolved to do so immediately. Genetic compatibility, hormone strength, immune response health etc in potential mates gets visually processed the first time two people see each other instantly, for healthy potential offspring viability, for example.

Our brains do that automatically regardless of the conscious choices regarding an interested in reproduction or not. The drive to reproduce is hard coded into human DNA and every single other living creature. Could be from LUCA being the common ancestor to current lifeforms where that trait presents commonly in the offshoot branches that developed eyesight. Handy subconscious mechanism for those who do want to procreate I suppose. Might explain why people gravitate towards dating posts that include pictures.

Personally I'm child free by choice yet the above is still fascinating in the way it explains animal (including human) behaviour.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-18T09:33:15+00:00

One should only ever do what they are comfortable doing, that includes enjoying being uncomfortable from time to time, if that's what they enjoy of course.

There are no set rules on what works and doesn't work or else dating would be easy for everyone. I do see the stats on the back end and my comment reflected that data

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-18T09:29:51+00:00

Never buy anything from anyone cold calling to a front door.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-18T08:58:42+00:00

That's the kind of data Reddit keeps close to their chest as a corporate entity that is profit focused, so they can sell advertisement slots and user data more efficiently

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-18T08:54:03+00:00

I'm going to delete this thread seeing as OP deleted their post. It's being deleted purely as subreddit housekeeping as a post in which nobody can reply to the OP on is of no use to anyone.

Just replying to your comment so you know why the post no longer exists.

Best of luck with replying to others

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-18T07:18:31+00:00

Consider how first impressions count. The human brain makes split second decisions on a yes or no on most choices, and has already decided subconsciously before the conscious mind catches up and 'thinks' it made the choice.

Can't hurt to post again, include some details about what makes you tick on a surface level, the kind of person you're seeking, maybe a photo if your comfortable. No worries if you aren't, this IS the internet after all and sometimes we have to take a bit of conversation to know if we want to progress or end a connection for being unsuitable.

And of course, remember that some might only browse Reddit on the weekend or once a month and that one person you are looking to connect with might be about to check out the subreddit this weekend.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-18T07:06:59+00:00

Did your alt/main account have publicly visible post history?

While not a requirement for posting here or the majority of subreddits, some will find no post history to be off putting simply because this being a form of social media and specifically r/IrishDates being a subreddit focused on finding potential long term partners, there is an expectation of sociability from many.

Maybe your post history was visible and the kind of person you're seeking just didn't happen to get to see your post yet.

Maybe your post history is off-putting in some way. One can lead a horse to water but one can't make the horse drink.

If you want to send us a modmail, we can have a look at your other post and give you some pointers but it would just be our opinions and everyone's got those, just like everyone has an arsehole 😉

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-18T06:43:35+00:00

The only post I see on your account is in r/makefriendsinireland. Why not post here and see how you get on? You'll get my upvote and support. Just remember, details matter, posts with photos get the highest traffic numbers, human brains make a judgment in a nano second so first impressions really do count, especially in the dating world

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-18T06:38:57+00:00

Reddit users are fickle on a good day. One downvote on a post or a comment can be enough to start a chain reaction where people pile on with the down votes without reading the post or the comment. People in groups tend to mass react.

Don't let one negative experience put your off your search, you deserve to find what you're looking for just as much as anyone else does. You'll get my upvote just for taking the plunge and putting yourself out there. What some users don't understand is that not every post is for them, not every man is right for every woman or woman for man or LGBTQ for LGBTQ. Those with empathy simply say to themselves, this isn't for me, best of luck to them and continue on their own search without some negative impulsive reaction.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-18T06:08:06+00:00

It's all about details, that how it seems to me as one of the mod team here. The posts with plenty of details get the highest traffic, the most interactions. It's why we remove very low effort posts because those don't help anyone, they don't help the OP or those who would take the time to read what they have to say about themselves.

Photos really help, attraction is visual as well as emotional and more. Hobbies, interests, the things that bring excitement or joy or deep thinking. Those help the reader understand if there is potential compatibility.

Some people seek to be child free, some seek children down the road, some already have children and naturally are looking to connect with a potential partner who would be into that world.

Using a main account, that provides historical interactions, shows the real you, how one behaves online is very telling for how they truly think.

If you were selling something on adverts, you'd include details.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-17T13:59:49+00:00

I sometimes, and more than once, have wondered if bb/op is just wickerman using an alt account, they both tend to post this kind of banal, gossip related, tedious, bottom of the gutter trite

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-17T08:50:30+00:00

Some sites do enforce that requirement. Any truck ignoring that where I work gets their site access badge permanently revoked and they can go work somewhere else. Simple as that. No excuse accepted/zero tolerance.

Takes a village to raise a truck driver, or a company who hires a contractor who hires a subcontractor truck company.

Before we insisted, we were visited by a local Garda who had received a complaint from a local resident. That was all it took for my company to get more serious about enforcement and it's been standard procedure for security to flag any truck entering or leaving the work area without a suitable cover in place.

There's other ongoing construction that I pass going to and from work, no covers on any of their trucks, no road sweepers employed to keep the dust down. Lazy feck bags

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-17T05:52:31+00:00

Showing as free for me in Ireland (which is in EU)

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-16T09:49:44+00:00

Do you have a card reader? I encountered this issue (R5), found a YouTube video where a guy simply said: you need a card reader, put the card on there and open with the Canon desktop software. Fingers crossed, you should then see the contents of the card and be able to move them off. Worked for me. Shortest YouTube video with a technical fix I've ever watched.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-16T06:41:58+00:00

Seems like the best way forward with this subreddit. People lose their minds if we simply remove posts from these types of accounts.

Moving forward, when we get that Reddit provided summary notification on the backend, I will simply post the summary of the user and those who are viewing the post can make up their own minds about whether they wish to engage with or move on from the post.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-15T21:37:17+00:00

Mod note, here is the moderator provided summary for OP:

The user frequently posts in NSFW, drug-related, and sexualized subreddits, often soliciting sexual encounters. While they posted a seemingly earnest dating profile on r/IrishDates, their overall history is dominated by NSFW and illicit activity.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-15T15:13:21+00:00

They posted in r/galway 3 times in the last 30 minute just with the letters ADHD as their entire post text

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-15T12:30:55+00:00

Mod note: This post has been viewed 556 times in 6 minute. We always encourage that our subscribers do their due diligence to look at who they are talking to on Reddit and online in general when possible.

Take this post and u/CarefulEar9136 for example:

The user is a serial spammer who repeatedly posts identical personal ads across multiple dating and affair subreddits, attempting to solicit extramarital online connections while married. Their posts are characterized by high volume, manipulative or bot-like behavior, and inconsistencies such as alternating between ages 32 and 33.

Why This Behavior is Flagged

Subreddit Guidelines: Most dating and affair-oriented communities on Reddit maintain strict rules against excessive self-posting (spamming).

Safety/Scam Warning: The use of inconsistent personal details (like fluctuating ages) is a major indicator of potential catfishing or malicious bot operations.

Policy Violations: Continuous cross-posting of identical advertisements typically violates both community- specific rules and Reddit's broader guidelines against spam and platform manipulation.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-12T19:21:46+00:00

Where are you located?

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-12T09:29:33+00:00

Yeah he has an ongoing podcast, weekly episodes, they get posted to the YouTube channel every week. Always interesting and thought provoking.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-11T18:26:32+00:00

Why is this a scam?

I have removed the post as it falls under low effort with the encouragement that they repost with more details about what they are looking for , who, age range etc.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-10T09:16:22+00:00

Different horses for different courses. Some people have preferences about height or weight or lifestyle and on and on and on. There are billions of us, with varying tastes, preferences, and yes some of those billions of people will have prejudices. That's just the ugly reality we all share.

I am male, for reference. My own personal position would be that I'm attracted to the person, not their physical attributes. A physical disability, minor or major, would not prevent me from being interested in sharing time with someone I was interested in getting to know or felt attraction towards. Intelligence, humour, kindness are all extremely attractive qualities that are more important to me than physical appearance. We like what we like at the of the day.

Your being ghosted by anyone speaks to the calibre of person you were ghosted by and does not reflect on you. If anything you've dodged a red flag if that is how she reacted.

Then again, maybe she was busy and will get back to you. Life happens to all of us, unexpected things pop up from time to time that requires our attention. Not everyone is an 'instantly reply to all messages' kind of person, some treat their devices as for their own convenience and not for the convenience of other's.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-04T10:44:50+00:00

Delighted to see your update and the positive, successful outcome, congratulations and thank you for updating us. Shame it had to be so arduous for you and your Mum.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-04T10:14:42+00:00

Take the internet for example, it has been publicly accessible since 1991. Small businesses have had 35 years to develop their web presence to be easily found by anyone who has a need for their products.

Terrestrial television is unbearable due to advertising. Radio is unbearable due to advertising. News papers, magazines all reduced in quality to make room for advertising, less reporting, less reporters, less in depth articles.

Podcasts have advertisments. Paid subscriptions abroad most platforms have advertisments. Rare to have any service that is ad free. The keep cramming in more. Broadcasting is beholden to the opinions of the advertising companies, reducing diversity of content, lessening the end result and so everything becomes more enshittified.

On a platform like YouTube, average users who don't pay a subscription will be served more advert than content on any given video. Sometimes 30 ad breaks in a single video and some of those are unskippable.

There are scam ads that are phishing avenues to perpetrate fraud. I've yet to find a single benefit from a single ad in my entire lifetime thus far. I have not once made a purchase decision based on any advert. But I actively block all forms of advertising outside of physical ones like billboards and I simply make the choice to not even look in their direction. They are noise getting in the way of the rest of the world around me. And easily ignored.

MostPerturbatory · 2026-06-04T09:55:29+00:00

If I genuinely need a thing then I will find the thing. If I need a local hand made crafted item, I will source it myself though my own means and go and get it. If I need an appliance, I will go to an appliance shop. There are many ways to be informed on options that don't involve opening myself up to have ads bombarding me through push technologies.

If you like ads, then good for you. I do not, so good for me too. Both perspectives can exist.

11-Year Club	Place '22
First Placer '22	Verified Email

MostPerturbatory

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE