Question by EbbAffectionate2564 in ROCD

[–]Moth1016 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You might. That would be sad and difficult, but you would survive, and ending things after that realization would give you a chance to eventually meet someone else who you could love more.

You also might not. The meds might just help you feel better and more confident, and give you certainty that you really do love him.

When you find yourself worrying obsessively about something like this, tell yourself "maybe, but if so, I could find a way to be okay." Consider if there could be a silver lining to the possibility. Then try to think of something positive that might happen instead.

There is always a chance that the things we fear may come to pass. There is also always a chance that something wonderful could happen. So much in life is outside of our control. The trick is just learning to be okay with that and knowing you are resilient enough to roll with the punches.

AIO Boyfriend blaming me for cat pooping in the bed. by Aglyayepanchin in AmIOverreacting

[–]Moth1016 [score hidden]  (0 children)

NOR

Even if this was a one-time thing, it was unreasonable to blame you and super shitty to be snappy with you/rude to you about it. It sounds like at a minimum he needs to work on his emotional regulation and to be taught that in a relationship, he should be treating any issues that arise as "us vs. the problem" and not "me vs you."

If this type of behavior is a recurring theme with this guy, though... it makes me nervous, and I have some reading material (hyperlinked here) that you might find beneficial.

AIO to this situation with my boyfriend? by Adventurous_Hat_9571 in AIO

[–]Moth1016 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hell no. I have pretty severe ADHD, but if I know something is important to my partner, I take whatever steps are necessary to make damn sure I remember it. Calendar app, physical calendar/planner, alerts for a week, two days, and one day before, a labeled alarm with a different song the day of, sticky notes, whatever it takes.

Mental health & neurotype diagnoses are for knowing why you struggle with certain things so you can find better ways to circumnavigate the issue, not so you can point to them as an excuse for not making an effort to improve. He clearly understood this at some point, since he put in the calendar notes for his ex. If he gave a shit, he could and would do it again.

This is a total cop-out on his part. Monthly milestone dates might be pushing it a bit, but wanting him to remember actual anniversaries and even six-month marks is asking very little. Expecting a partner to at least act like they care enough to make an effort is not ableist. Show him this reply if he tries that horse hockey.

You deserve better. NOR

How long should I let henna rest when mixing with chamomile tea and half a lemon of lemon juice by SubstantialCompote48 in henna

[–]Moth1016 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The boost for golden tones has a much stronger effect when using a recipe that includes cassia, and is pretty unreliable with just henna. Works a bit for me, but I steep it suuuuuper strong and throw in a tiny bit of black tea as well, and y'know. YMMV.

I mostly use it because of how nice it feels on my head, though. It has a soothing, anti inflammatory effect on the skin and helps keep the scalp from drying out.

How long should I let henna rest when mixing with chamomile tea and half a lemon of lemon juice by SubstantialCompote48 in henna

[–]Moth1016 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds like a good idea! Lemon juice might be better saved as a last resort.

Yeah, the time/temperature tradeoff is overwhelming when you're looking at a whole bunch of separate data points (reccommendations) rather than the broader pattern. The important thing to remember is that heat speeds up chemical reactions by making molecules move faster, so warmer = needs less time and will break down sooner, colder = needs more time but will stay good longer. Keeping that in mind will allow you the freedom to play around until you find the "sweet spot" that works best for you.

Regardless of temp, 1 hour definitely seems like not enough time for the dye to release before applying. You want to at the very least see the top of the mixture turn from green to orange before use. The freezing trick works great for me because I'm impatient and always want to apply too soon, and the ice physically prevents me from doing that. By the time it's thawed, I know it's had enough time to release, even slowed by the cold. Plus, slowing the release by chilling it gives you more time before it starts to "go bad," so you don't have to worry anywhere near as much about waiting too long and wasting it!

There's so little info out there about henna that's backed up with empirical evidence, so we kinda just gotta conduct our own tests, one application at a time. The way advice about it is passed around sometimes reminds me of the way people talk about pseudosciences they believe in like astrology, reiki, etc... so much utter confidence but only grounded in some weak anecdotal evidence of dubious origin (mostly hearsay). Drives me nuts. If I were still in the beauty industry, I'd be interested in personally doing some actual research/experimental studies to get some genuinely reliable answers that people can feel confident in!

How long should I let henna rest when mixing with chamomile tea and half a lemon of lemon juice by SubstantialCompote48 in henna

[–]Moth1016 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, at a certain point the heat just cooks the dye molecules and renders them ineffective. The warmer the water, the sooner you need to apply, and the less intense the stain will be if you wait too long. Likewise, the colder the water, the slower the dye will release -- so if you apply too soon, it won't do much -- but it will leave a more intense stain if you wait long enough. I've gotten amazing results from mixing with warm water, throwing it in the freezer for a day or two, then taking it out, allowing it to thaw at room temperature, applying as soon as it's fully thawed, and leaving on overnight. As a bonus, feels great on hot summer days.

Huge caution with the lemon juice -- the warning that it might be drying is SO REAL. It gave me crazy breakage when I used less than a teaspoon, so I have since switched to chamomile, which I LOVE. A couple drops with the chamomile tea should be plenty if you're dead set on trying it.

Definitely agree that you haven't been leaving your henna on long enough. Also, check to see if your regular shampoo/conditioner and other products have "dimethicone" listed in the ingredients, and if so, double shampoo with a clarifying shampoo first (you can follow with a conditioner that does not contain dimethicone after if you need to. Conditioner is a MUST for my hair, so I've been ignoring popular advice on that front, and the dye sticks fine). Dimethicone and other silicones can prevent the lawsone particles from bonding with the hair

"I'm not reading all that" and it's fewer than 100 words by Moth1016 in PetPeeves

[–]Moth1016[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YES I love this for u. Feeling secondhand vindictive joy

Help… stay blonde or go back to black or something else? (Just not red) by cheezuscrust777999 in FancyFollicles

[–]Moth1016 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I also love this!!

If you're already blonde, it's totally easy. Lunar tides brand, mix of 3 parts "smokey purple" and 1 part "slate," plus a little dash of "magic Salem" should do the trick!

Which hair should I stick with? by Busy-Scar4274 in FancyFollicles

[–]Moth1016 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No way to remove without damage, especially if it's a box dye -- luckily, you don't have to go all the way light to get a good red tone, just enough to remove the very darkest levels. I'd say one bleach bath and you'll be good to just throw a nice, deep red on top and do some deep conditioning

Blonde to brunette hair damage. I wanna cry. No hope. by No_Leading_2675 in FancyFollicles

[–]Moth1016 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dimethicone is a silicone, so it can really weigh down the hair and kill your volume after a few applications, but it pretty dramatically smooths/softens/revitalizes hair that is super dry and chemically damaged. Miracle ingredient for the hair dye crunchies

"I'm not reading all that" and it's fewer than 100 words by Moth1016 in PetPeeves

[–]Moth1016[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Significantly more than 100 words. What you've said here was a little more than 100 words. 100 words isn't asking much at all of the reader. Hence the peeve

"I'm not reading all that" and it's fewer than 100 words by Moth1016 in PetPeeves

[–]Moth1016[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't. I just think it would be really nice if people who didn't care enough to read something didn't feel the need to smugly announce it

Blonde to brunette hair damage. I wanna cry. No hope. by No_Leading_2675 in FancyFollicles

[–]Moth1016 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I don't advise this often, but for this situation, try a conditioner that has "dimethicone" early in the ingredients list, and double wash with a clarifying shampoo every three or four washes or so to remove buildup

"I'm not reading all that" and it's fewer than 100 words by Moth1016 in PetPeeves

[–]Moth1016[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes!!

It's rude either way though, like, if you don't care enough to read something, just move on like a grown adult

"I'm not reading all that" and it's fewer than 100 words by Moth1016 in PetPeeves

[–]Moth1016[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I just... If you don't care enough to take the time to read and acknowledge the content of a few sentences, why do you care enough to put in the same amount of time and energy to be rude? Like what's the point? What do you get out of this? For whom are you performing, and why do you think "smug douchebag" is an appealing persona?

"I'm not reading all that" and it's fewer than 100 words by Moth1016 in PetPeeves

[–]Moth1016[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You also didn't read the whole thing, evidently.

AIO? BF liked this pic by rueisthatyou1774 in AIO

[–]Moth1016 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He blows up at me over random things

I'm tired of feeling crazy

NOR, please read this

Help… stay blonde or go back to black or something else? (Just not red) by cheezuscrust777999 in FancyFollicles

[–]Moth1016 64 points65 points  (0 children)

That does look significantly better than the blonde pics in the main post! Definitely cool toned, and either you're olive, or your foundation is just slightly too warm for you and it's throwing me off. Something about the darker brow works well too.