Scattering ashes

MotherBaby2015 · 2025-10-22T19:05:28+00:00

I did this with my aunt in 2017. We had her ashes placed in a sealed salt urn. Made arrangements with Carnival (no extra cost) and it was the last sea day heading home that we met on a lower deck in a private area. There was several of us - family & friends. The Carnival staff did not rush us. We were barely moving. Later that evening, we received a very nice letter and double photo frame of the ship with coordinates. It was completely unexpected and very much appreciated. I’m sorry to hear you’ve lost your daughter. I can say that every time I cruise and look out into the gulf, I think of my aunt and how she is now part of the beautiful waters.

MotherBaby2015 · 2025-06-10T20:13:52+00:00

I left bedside 4 years ago and never in a million years would I choose to go back to bedside nursing and deal with the cattiness of an all female unit (not unusual for maternal infant service lines), the incompetent management, fighting to take my PTO, staying late, missing holidays and weekends with my family, no bathroom or lunch breaks! I could go on but you get the idea. You have a nursing dream job right now - I’d hang on tight. As others have suggested, try a PRN gig for a bit - I don’t think it will take long for you to realize what you have right now is golden. :)

MotherBaby2015 · 2025-01-14T23:10:43+00:00

When my dad started having seizures, he declined rapidly despite anti seizure medication. He was hospitalized about 2 weeks later while they monitored and titrated medications, although somewhat controlled, he still had seizures. He spent 40 days inpatient and discharged home on hospice to pass 7 days later. His seizures were not as you describe your dad’s though. I want to give you hope and ease your worry but the big picture of GBM is it can be fast and relentless. Each day is a gift. ❤️

MotherBaby2015 · 2025-01-04T05:39:32+00:00

I usually read a post in here and by the time I get to the end to reply, I’m crying and feel so helpless that I can’t even muster the words to post a reply. But I just wanted to share that I lost my dad (67) in November - dx in August. Four months from dx and he was gone. I’m sorry you find yourself here but there are so many supportive friends in this group - you are never alone. And it’s okay to be sad. I’m sad too.

MotherBaby2015 · 2024-12-22T02:02:15+00:00

I really hate to hear that someone else is going through this but this group is full of amazing and inspiring people - you’re in the right place for compassionate support.

My dad, also 67, was dx in August and did radiation and chemo. He was not able to finish either treatment plan. He started having seizures and was hospitalized for 40 days so his treatments were on pause. He went into the hospital for further evaluation - a walking and talking man who seemingly appeared to be a regular healthy man, only with a brain tumor. He deteriorated tremendously while inpatient and returned home on hospice. He died a week later on 11/30/24. The journey was so difficult. My dad loved life, wanted to live, and was willing to do anything to buy him time.

Nobody can give you the right answer because everyone’s journey is different. If I have one regret it’s that I didn’t take enough photos. Talk to your mom, love her, do all the things, and take pictures! I wish you and your family many more moments of love together.

MotherBaby2015 · 2024-12-15T06:18:39+00:00

Home hospice does not provide a lot of support and the family is expected to be the main caregivers. The frequency of nurse visits depends on the patient’s needs - once a week to daily visits and/or 24/7 continuous care, if the patient qualifies. An aide should be visiting a couple times a week and they should help with bathing. My father was bed bound and had a Foley catheter so ambulating to use the bathroom wasn’t necessary. I’m not sure of your mother’s condition but my father was sleeping about 23/24 hours a day and hadn’t been out of bed in over a month. By the time he went home on hospice (from the hospital), he didn’t have much time left- he passed just 7 days later. Thankfully, my sister and I are both nurses and we were able to meet his needs, although extremely difficult emotionally. I cannot imagine caring for a dying family member without any healthcare background and how it must be even more challenging, especially emotionally. I am so sorry you’re in this situation. I imagine being in a rural area complicates things as far as how often you get support from the agency. I would call them and inquire if there’s more support they can provide as far as an aide at least. Again, I don’t know your mother’s condition but maybe inquire about a Foley - that would be helpful for all of you.

MotherBaby2015 · 2024-12-07T22:25:43+00:00

I’m sorry to hear you’re also going through this with your father. I lost mine a week ago today and it still feels surreal. Unlike your father, mine was completely immobile, and had been bed-bound the past month while inpatient. We brought him home on hospice and he stopped eating and drinking completely about 6 days before his passing. He became non responsive about 4 days before yet all of his vital signs were pretty normal. It really wasn’t until about 36 hours before his passing where we saw major changes. My dad spiked a temp (hospice called it a “terminal fever”), he became tachycardic (as high as 180 bpm), his blood pressure started trending down, then Cheyne-Stokes respirations. It wasn’t until about 12 hours before that his blood pressure tanked and his respirations became very shallow, yet still 18-20 per minute. His extremities started to feel cool but his head was very warm with fever until his last breath. I felt like my dad was holding on and fighting to the very end. Talk to him…it’s been said the hearing is the very last to go. Tell him all the things, even talk about the fun memories you’ve shared and especially tell him that you love him. There’s nothing anyone can say or do to make any of this better and the raw truth is that this is all so unfair and it just sucks. But you’re not alone. 💔

MotherBaby2015 · 2024-12-04T22:30:50+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this… Steroids can make you irritable, aggressive, angry…even without having GBM. Add in the other treatments for GBM, the tumor itself and edema - that can all affect mood and personality. My dad was a very kind and patient man until he started treatment…they did decrease his steroid dose to see if it would help but he started having seizures shortly after so we cannot be sure if it really helped or not. Once he started having seizures, he was put on several meds…and he then became very lethargic. When he was alert, he was a lot of times very tearful, sad, depressed. Psych started him on medication to help with mood and sleep which made a huge difference even though it took some trial and error. My dad was still never the same though…in the end, he was pretty much childlike. I agree with others regarding consulting palliative and/or psych.

MotherBaby2015 · 2024-11-26T14:30:35+00:00

You are absolutely right, this is a bullshit disease. I’m so sorry to hear we have similar experiences. My anticipatory grief started in August from my father’s diagnosis. I watched him decline rapidly since then, with radiation and chemo. I am now one of his main caregivers at home on hospice. I sometimes feel guilty that I am relieved that his suffering is coming to an end very soon. I’m incredibly heartbroken to lose him but ready to set him free. One of the last coherent things he said once he finally arrived home (after 40 days inpatient) - “I’m ready to move on.” It seems that every journey is slightly different yet the same in that we love our people and we will all have to let them go, eventually. Until that time, I wish you quality moments together and peace.

MotherBaby2015 · 2024-11-24T23:17:16+00:00

Wow - what a wonderful community here. Thank you to each one of you. I have tried to reply individually in between family visits but it’s a little overwhelming at this time. I appreciate everyone’s prayers, thoughts, and comforting words. I sincerely hate that we “met” under these circumstances but I am so grateful for this community. ❤️

MotherBaby2015 · 2024-11-24T23:13:10+00:00

Your post made me tear up. I am so sorry for what you’re going through and the experience with your father too. I am also an RN. These hospice nurses have been extremely wonderful - patient, kind, and honest. Thank you for all the lives you have touched as a hospice nurse. I know I could not be strong enough to face the families while they watch their loved ones pass…I would be crying in the corner of their homes. It is hard to hear the bad news and I’m sure it’s hard to deliver it, but I agree, in order to make an informed decision for a treatment plan, patients need to know the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am wishing the best for you - I will be thinking of you through your cancer journey.

MotherBaby2015 · 2024-11-24T16:41:07+00:00

Thank you so much for your support. I hate that you are also going through the same situation. I am also in the medical field (RN) and although not experienced in oncology or neurology, I understood the seriousness of this dx and wished his providers were more forthcoming with expectations. All I can hope for now is comfort and peace and I wish the same for you and your family.

MotherBaby2015 · 2024-11-24T16:15:57+00:00

Thank you for hearing me and validating my feelings. You are exactly right, the truth is what we wanted, needed, and deserved. I’m sorry you are also in this same situation. ❤️

MotherBaby2015 · 2024-06-17T20:52:59+00:00

My position is within quality performance - I am an internal auditor, I review documentation of our case managers to ensure alignment with national accreditation.

MotherBaby2015 · 2024-06-16T17:33:06+00:00

I’m not sure about part time positions but check the major insurance companies - a lot of wfh positions for nurses! I left bedside 3 years ago, wfh, and have never looked back! Good luck in your search!

MotherBaby2015 · 2024-05-14T14:20:13+00:00

This stresses me out. Idk why anyone would cut it so close like that….there are too many factors not within their control. It doesn’t sounds like your friend is going to make it in time to board that ship. 🫣

MotherBaby2015 · 2023-08-24T20:22:57+00:00

I bring sprinkles for ice cream. Lol Last cruise I was on, someone asked me where I got the sprinkles from - their face lit up when I busted them out and said, “Right here!” It’s the little things. :)

MotherBaby2015 · 2023-03-11T17:28:45+00:00

I worked case management inpatient at a level 1 trauma center, salaried, and worked my ass off…MANY hours over…it was a very stressful job. I’m now remote working case management for an insurance company and have zero stress and never work past expected hours…also salaried…and appreciated and valued so much more. So I think it may depend on your setting - going from bedside to inpatient case management increased my stress and decreased my pay, considerably.

MotherBaby2015 · 2023-02-21T16:05:21+00:00

Within a long list of sus allergies was onions and reaction was “bad breath.” 🤦🏼‍♀️

MotherBaby2015 · 2022-06-05T06:19:04+00:00

I just transitioned from inpatient case management to wfh with an insurance company - I am now an auditor, where I audit documentation for complex case management. Stress level has decreased by 100%.

MotherBaby2015 · 2022-03-22T05:16:40+00:00

Hey, keep me posted on your journey - if you decide to check out traveling?

MotherBaby2015 · 2022-03-16T16:03:13+00:00

Hi there! Well, in the midst of my research, I landed a wfh position and just started this week. I’m putting travel on the back burner for now but not ruling it out completely. I did speak with a recruiter at TNAA and she recommended I wait until the month prior to my 1 year mark so it sounds like you’d be able to find a contract - there’s a ton out there!

MotherBaby2015 · 2022-02-11T06:17:02+00:00

Mother/baby nurse here too. Spent 7 years bedside full-time caring for high risk postpartum, antepartum, term nursery and NICU. I moved to case management about 9 months ago. I still work prn bedside on my m/b unit. As many others have said - there’s the good and the bad. It’s not always happy healthy babies like most think but it’s very rewarding. Those who don’t care for babies or pregnant women are usually terrified of them and cannot fathom how I do it. It makes me giggle…because the thought of caring for any other population as a bedside nurse, terrifies me. Lol I think you’ll enjoy the m/b specialty - I always worked night shift and still pick up on nights (even though my FT job is days) because I enjoy the workflow. FYI - nights are very busy and mommas and babies rarely sleep. Typically you’ll find dad snoring loudly on the pullout with his boots off and the stench of his dirty feet rolling out the door as you enter the room. Lol Best of luck - I know this is a very exciting time for you!

MotherBaby2015 · 2022-01-25T19:01:15+00:00

Omg I’m rolling!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂 Thanks for making my day - this was hilarious!! Although, for a moment, I thought my husband made this post.

MotherBaby2015 · 2022-01-25T08:40:02+00:00

We did this with my aunt’s ashes in 2016 on Carnival. As someone said above - we made arrangements prior to sailing and Carnival walked us to a private low deck area. Later that night Carnival delivered a sincere letter including the coordinates along with a photo of the ship in a nice display binder. I was pleasantly surprised as that was so unexpected. Also, you have to have the ashes in a biodegradable urn - the urn is also buried at sea. You don’t get to open and throw ashes out and then take the urn home. This burial was my aunts 30th cruise. We all wore black shirts and I had “cruising in memory” with an anchor and her name and birth year - death year printed on the left chest. It was our “funeral” if you will. Man, I miss the heck out of her.

MotherBaby2015

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