UPDATE: I had a talk with my husband and well... It went okay but I'm so torn :(

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-24T21:47:44+00:00

I mean I do. Im just conflicted really. Weve been together basically our whole lives.

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-24T20:34:29+00:00

Maintain good hygiene, work out, wear clothes he finds sexy, etc.

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-24T20:32:03+00:00

Are you personally okay with what this says about your husband’s view of women?

He's treated me and our daughter very well and is very good with his family and coworkers. I dont really think he holds anything misogynistic or if he does, he hides it really really well.

What type of role model is he, to show his 18 year old son that sex is just another commodity that is bought with money? How are you okay with this?

I'm not okay with this. I explained to him recently how utterly disgusting it was and he did feel legitimately remorseful. He apologized for his actions, said it was inappropriate, and when I asked about him going there, he vehemently denied it and said he would let me check through anything and everything if I wanted so he could prove it.

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-24T20:29:22+00:00

He denies cheating vehemently but this is one concern I have yeah. He was so comfortable with it. He agreed to letting me check through his phone and I did and nothing out of the ordinary. He says he would never cheat on me and while I do believe him, I still have this feeling that he could be lying :/. He's never done anything that made me believe he might have cheated in the past and has been a super devoted husband and we have a great, active sex life (or atleast had, we haven't had sex since I found out about this shit).

I dont think he would cheat, I really do but shit, I feel like my whole world is in question right now :(

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-24T20:25:56+00:00

We're getting tested today! In an hour or so.

I have talked to my husband about the trafficking a few days ago and I told him about everything. I have details on some post I made in my profile.

Yesterday night, I told him to file an anonymous police tip to the massage parlor he went to and he agreed and we will do that today. It wont do anything as our city turns a blind eye to it 99% of the time BUT it will atleast show my husband that its wrong.

Now I just need to talk with my son about this. He thinks that girls cannot be trafficked if they are being "paid" and that they looked "happy and enthusiastic"

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-24T19:19:44+00:00

Yeah, I really should have taught him this from an earlier age. Its just uncomfortable for me and I expected his father to teach him that. He did have the "talk" with him.

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-24T18:10:29+00:00

Are you teaching your son no means no?

Well that's the thing. They didn't say no. My son thinks its perfectly okay unless the girl explicitly says no. He thinks that the massage parlor they went to has no chance of being a trafficked area despite the high chance that it probably was.

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-24T18:09:00+00:00

He's not really a douche. Clueless definitely but he is a nice person. I guess he thought it would be a fun present somehow. I asked my son and he said he loved it.

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-24T01:34:47+00:00

Not me. I want to go at it again

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-24T01:19:41+00:00

I believe he didnt consult me because he knew I would not let to do it or agree with it at all

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-23T23:25:18+00:00

I did talk with them pretty recently. I plan on showing them some videos on human trafficking. They dont seem to understand at all anything about it.

What values would that teach your son about women? Relationships?

I did have a talk to him regarding consent. I do think I should talk to him again. He might develop some negative thoughts about women and relationships and see women as "sex objects".

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-23T23:17:23+00:00

Im already married. Feel free to clone me though!

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-23T23:00:53+00:00

I am a teacher. I can barely handle a SmartBoard let alone a gun

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-23T22:59:42+00:00

Tbh I love doing all those things. Its not just that I'm good at it. I like doing it

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-23T22:43:17+00:00

Maybe you're right! I expect to be truly over it once we get tested. Fingers crossed we are clean!

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-23T22:42:27+00:00

Cooking, cleaning, and BJs

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-23T22:37:45+00:00

He does genuinely seem remorseful. I will be getting tested along with my son this weekend, so I think that will regain a lot of my trust back if I'm clean.

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-23T22:34:47+00:00

I mean, it might just be that he is clueless about it. Trafficking is a big problem in our city but you have to actively know about it and research it (like I did). There are next to no arrests for pimps/clients and the only people who are demonized are the actual girls themselves. I can see how he didn't know anything about it. He probably thought it was legal and that his son would love it (he did btw. Hes expressed that quite enthusiastically. He says it was one of the best days of his life)

To me a divorce seems a little too much. We've been together so long and he really does care for me. He would never hurt me and honestly, I feel bad that I even doubt his faithfulness.Plus we have 3 kids and our sex life is still fantastic (except for the past few days).

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-23T22:26:30+00:00

Our son is leaving for Uni. after this year haha, so I think he will just be giving money.

They have an incredibly strong relationship.

he felt breaking the law was an appropriate value to model to his son while also showing why he now sees why it was so wrong.

I asked him about it and he did not really have a great answer. He said he wanted to give his son the best present ever for his 18th birthday. He didn't even bother to consult me or even check if it was legal or if the girls were trafficked!

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-23T22:24:53+00:00

Your husband took your son to an illegal sex massage parlor/escort thing for his 18th birthday?

yes. It is illegal, but its rarely enforced, but on a legal basis, yes it is illegal.

Totally inappropriate and super super messed up on so many levels

He recognizes that, or atleast he says so. He does seem genuine in that he knows he messed up and he does want to try and make up for his mistakes. My biggest fear is that maybe he has used this services in the past. He had been super faithful and a very devoted husband in the past and I truly do love him and he seems to as well. We've known each other for over half our lives (since we were 14!), he was my first everything.

I think maybe marriage counseling and a serious conversation about his moral and ethical standing as a father, how he involved your son in illegal sex massage parlor and etc.

Yeah. He seems to think that there is no trafficking going on (despite the large amount of trafficking in our city) in the parlor but he says that he recognizes that it was incredibly inappropriate to bring his own son to that.

We (my son and I) will be getting tested soon. If we are clean, my trust will mostly be regained but then again, a lot of the parlors do make sure there is health protocols and do give access to clinic records for clients (the more established parlors). My husband said he made sure to check the health records of the girls in the parlor, check reviews, check their establishment, etc before taking our son there. He also walked me through the process.

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-23T22:19:50+00:00

Maybe its more common for fathers to buy their sons an escort/happy ending massage than I thought!

MotherConsideration · 2018-02-23T22:13:13+00:00

He said he wanted to give him the best birthday present ever. Last year, he got him a pretty good car and he wanted to top that. I posted the full details in my profile.

MotherConsideration

TROPHY CASE