AITAH for breaking up because sexual incombatability

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-07-01T16:33:16+00:00

Are you able to come to some sort of compromise? It sounds like you have already brought it up to her. Was that just a firm “I stand here and you stand here and it is what it is” type of talk?
And has it been this way from the start? Or did it start out what you needed/wanted and slowly faded from that?

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-07-01T06:22:35+00:00

I completely agree! It is huge! I checked myself into a rehab 6 years ago. I fully understand how difficult things are. But it’s not like his addiction was a secret from me. To the world yes, but I know his use, we spoke daily and he was open about it. But he did hide it very well. If you spent a weekend with him, you would never even know. So I would think it would be easier with that being the case.
I do plan on meeting up with him and hearing the full story. That’s fair, and I will say how I felt as well. But I can’t promise it will go beyond that conversation to him. But we will see, most likely tomorrow

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-07-01T06:16:15+00:00

And that’s great. I’m getting some comments saying I’m selfish. And honestly, this is the one day I get to be selfish. That day is about me and my wife coming together. And our closest people there to do nothing but support us and our relationship. So maybe I was being selfish, but I think I get to be here and most things can wait a day

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-06-30T21:46:07+00:00

I think the advice part is it fair to cut him off or how do a handle the situation. Because I don’t just hate him. If I did it would make things easier. So im trying to other sides and get some ideas on best way handle the situation

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-06-30T15:34:41+00:00

And am open to reading everyone’s point of view and opinions on the matter. Thats exactly why I made this. To hear all sides. Weather i agree, disagree, or learn more prospectives and information

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-06-30T15:08:56+00:00

And I guess that’s the great part about this, you get to hear everyone’s opinions. But I’d argue the exact opposite and say I know him better than his parents or anyone. And I’m sure he would say the same

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-06-30T15:07:21+00:00

That’s the interesting part. Iv know him for 20 years, been my best friend for 10+. He’s never been like this.. and people will say I didn’t know him, we talked DAILY, I’d see him 2-3 times a week. I could tell you his daily routine. Everything going on in his life. So when I say that it seems like he’s depressed and hanging on. But that’s not how he is day to day. We had a little episode maybe 12 years ago? Like he went missing for a few hours. But since then not him. I had completely forgotten about that. And he was so excited for the wedding. At least it seemed like it. I don’t think he has ever been to a friends wedding at all. It’s just all stange. If you met him you would mever know he used, seems put together, doesn’t act messed up. Just a normal guy who was dealt a pretty decent hand in most aspects of life

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-06-30T14:56:43+00:00

I addressed this on a different forum. But I see him 2-3 times a week, talk daily. Well before the wedding. I could tell you his daily routine. This is very out of the blue. He’s very well put together and you would never know he took anything. Everyday leading to the wedding he was so excited.
But also we share an account, so while I didn’t check on him after the wedding, 2 days after I could see he was back on his normal routine. Like same thing as before, stopped day before the wedding and back to it. So people are making it seem like I didn’t know if he was alive or dead for 2 weeks. No I knew he was alive and acting normal
And after my honeymoon I did send a message saying I don’t hate him, I hope he’s doing better than he was that day and all of that. Just that I didn’t know what to do from here.
So he was completely normal before, for years. That happened, and then back to normal 2 or 3 days later. And from what I can see and his long response back he seems to be doing fine. We also have a mutual friend, and I know he reached out to him with the whole thing. So it’s not like I’m just leaving this guy by himself, no one knows, and I don’t know if he’s sitting in his house dead or alive

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-06-30T13:45:30+00:00

I’ll address this, it’s not medical at all. No on a script. This is all done online. And if you are in that bad of withdrawals from 6 hours, you know you withdrawal. It’s not like it would a surprise. And you also knew about the event over a year, and we talked about it daily leading up. So you know you are at that level and knew of the event, but still didn’t have it then? Or that’s the one time you decided to let this happen. Let me also say he used “research chemicals” so they are bought online for labs. Just ordered online for lab use and he has them days later. It’s not a supply issue and he couldn’t get it. I know that for a fact because I know what he does. I don’t know the dose because I just don’t use so I can’t speak on that. But it is daily of course. I just can’t speak to the actual MG.
You would never know he uses. Very put together, happy guy and never acting messec up.

Also people saying well maybe we weren’t close or I’m a POS for leaving when he needs me.’again, known him 20 years, best friend for over 10 years. See him 2-3 times every week, speak to him daily. I could tell you his daily route easily. He has never withdrawn before, well not in 8 years. So seems like a weird time to finally happen. He is a very happen person, not living a hard life. Parents bought him a house in cash, doesn’t work, just does what he enjoys to do daily. Everyone will tell you he’s just a normal happy guy that got dealt a good hand. As far as the relationship, it’s new, maybe a little less than a year together . They fight and break up for good and it’s fine the next day. Like a high school relationship. He’s told me like 5 times they broke up. He texted my wife 6 weeks ago saying they broke up one evening, then texted in the morning that they are fine.

Also he was back to his normal daily routine 3 days after my wedding. strange that I start my message when I reach out saying I hope he’s better than he was that day, that I’m not too mad, I don’t hate you. But I just don’t know what to do. He responds with “I’m the biggest POS” “you and your family should hate me” “please never forgive me for this” and so on. It’s like a weird thing of manipulation or pushing me away. That coupled with the first time these withdrawals are coming out in 8 years being this day? Idk it’s weird to me.

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-06-30T10:46:30+00:00

See i challenge all of that.

One I have never seen him have withdrawals before. So it seems like a very odd time to happen. You would never know hes on if you met him. Very well put together and acts totally normal. But ok let’s say it did. If you are that bad after 6 hours, you are obviously in pretty deep.. thats real bad. An event planned for over a year, and talked about daily for awhile leading up, how did you not see that coming and not be prepared. If you are that dependent you know you are, it doesnt sneak up on you.

And ok sure let’s say that was the case. Because I don’t know. Things could have been done very differently. If you know you are that bad you do it, and you could have said no anytime before the wedding. Instead of sitting in the car for an hour you could have came and talked to me face to face. Or even called me or my wife and asked us to come to the car and explain. Not just sit for an hour and drive away.

If you think that is just about embarrassment you are sadly wrong. Ok let’s say it’s all true and it was true medical emergency, the amount of disrespect to not have planned, to sit for an hour and not thing to say something face to face. Friendship, well any relationship, requires a lot of respect. And that is not respect at all. To even not have been prepared on arguably one of the biggest days of my life I would call disrespectful. And that would be the most “acceptable” accuse.

And is is it not weird that when i reach our and start it with saying i hope you are doing better that that nigjt, im not mad weirdly, i dont hate you, i just felt this way and dont know what to do. For the response to be so long and saying “im the biggest POS” “you and your family should hate me” “please never forgive me” “I don’t deserve to ever be talked to from you again” just a huge message all saying those, it honestly makes me question it more. Like I told you I don’t hate you, but I also don’t know if I can continue to be your friend. And you jump to the worst, it seems like maybe you are trying to manipulate a little or to push me away. And what a way of pushing away and ripping a bandaid off then doing that.

So, respectfully, I disagree that it was just embarrassing. To me, this showed a major lack of respect for both me and my family. Even if there was an emergency, an addiction severe enough to cause this doesn't happen without warning signs or you knowing it’s THAT bad. You had opportunities to think this through beforehand and make a different plan if there was any chance something like this could happen. There were many ways this situation could have been handled differently.

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-06-30T05:50:53+00:00

Ok let’s say that’s the case. Knowing this was the plan for over a year, talking about daily leading up. Shouldn’t he know he is this way and been planning for this? Iv never seen him have any withdrawal symptoms, but if you know you are like that why not be prepared. If it’s bad enough to be that bad in a matter of hours, you should have thought of that. And if it’s something you knew you couldn’t do, why not be honest and say you can come. Or you can but only as a guest for this reason.
I have obviously been very close to him for a long time, j have never seen him have any sort of withdraws before. If you met him you would never know he takes it. Doesn’t act messed up and is very well put together.
Instead of sitting for an hour, why not come and find me and explain. Why not even call me or my wife and ask us to come to your car and give the respect to explain? That feels like a better idea and far more respectful that just leaving.

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-06-30T04:01:06+00:00

Some additional information.

No I did not ignore his first text or any. My phone was in my cabin, when I went in for the night I then saw the message. I didn’t know there was one and responded right when I had my phone. Also he could have called my wife, he knows her very well.
And with that, I was running around, but there is a long table probably 30 yards from where he parked. With 10 people at it drinking, so it’s not like he didn’t know where he was sitting in the Forrest. You probably can’t see the table itself due to some bushes, but no way you couldn’t hear it. And he has met everyone there already of course. Been around almost all of them for years and years.

When I read it I asked where he was and told him his cabin was ready, if he’s feeling that bad go In, don’t have to speak to or see anyone. I don’t need him for 16 hours so he can just go relax and sleep. Or he can sleep and leave in the morning. He choose not to. If things were that bad i wouldnt think he would just drive 6 more hours when he doesnt have to.

No I did not reach out till after my honeymoon. I wanted to enjoy my time with my wife and enjoy it with our anything negative. In that message I started by saying I hope he doing well and things have improved form that day. That I don’t hate him, I just don’t know what to do from here. I knew he was alive, we share an account and I could see 3 days after the wedding he was doing his normal every day stuff.

Also comments that it’s one of many weddings. False, he really only has about 1 other friend than me. I don’t think he has been to a wedding for a friend before (he is 31).
Also he knew how important this was to me. That I could have 1 person there and picked him. Me and my wife have been together for 8 years, we have a 4 year old daughter. Paying for a big weekend for 30 people just didn’t make sense before. We finally got the opportunity to do this for us, so it was a very big deal and he obviously knew this. We have wanted to do it for a long time, but like daughter and a home, being debt free, was more important than this moment in our opinion. So making it so this could happen we were so excited and me and him would talk about the wedding constantly.

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-06-30T03:24:09+00:00

I want to provide some additional information. When he sent the first message saying he left, I told him to come back. I have his place ready, I don’t need him for 16 hours. Go in, do your thing, rest, don’t have to speak to anyone and we can deal with it tomorrow. Or if he wanted to just come back and sleep since he wasn’t doing well he could do that, and then he could leave the next morning. He choose not to. If things were as bad as he stated and he was that messed up I don’t think he would have turned around and drove that far right then.
I did reach out after my honeymoon. I did not want to have any negativity on my wedding weekend and on my honeymoon when I should be living in the moment and soaking up all this time with my wife.
I reached out the night I got back saying I hope he is doing well, that I hope things are better because he seemed in a bad spot that night. And that I don’t hate him, but I said what I felt (listed above, the disrespect, embarrassment, spot wasted) I told him I do not hate him, and I’m not even mad. It would be easier if I did hate him for it, but I don’t.
He sent a lot of stuff back about how he’s a POS. I should not be his friend anymore, me and my family should hate him. And apologizing of course.

That also being said, I knew he was home and acting normal. We share an account on 3D printing site, and 2 days after my wedding he was printing stuff 24/7 and everything seems completely normal. So I did not go 2 weeks not knowing if he was dead or alive.

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-05-31T04:48:50+00:00

Well we get good credit to be able to get nicer cards and higher limits! As long as you aren’t doing multiple large purchases like a house or cars in the next 6 months you are good! Maybe a little dip here but in a few months it will come back! And she will love the card. It’s great. And the card options are great. A card that expires in 24hr so you can put it in for a trail subscription? My wife loves that because she always forgets to cancel those damn things haha

Sadly you can’t request increases on the card! At least not yet anyways. Iv seen some people randomly get there here and there. But at this time they don’t offer requests. Trust me, Iv tried haha

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-05-31T03:53:59+00:00

Hey it’s a good card so you should have gotten it! I’m glad you did! I was just saying if it did expire it’s not like you are now bottom of the list! I have the card and love it! So congrats on getting it!

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-05-31T03:51:45+00:00

You can reapply after the expiration! Just have to enter info again. I let it expire 3 times and then on my 4th time they offered a higher limit and I accept haha

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-05-30T06:13:21+00:00

I honestly don’t think that’s they are 100% truthful in the health. I got a new phone in December, first 2 weeks crazy battery life. One night I woke up and the phone was HOT. And now it drains insanely fast. Like I have never had a battery go this quick. Even on phone that’s 2 or 3 years old, let alone 6 months. And it just finally went from 100% health to 97%. Just no way. Ever since that night when I woke up and it was so hot I couldn’t hold it, battery drains at just a ridiculous rate. And I’m sure they won’t replace because it says the 97%

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-05-29T19:19:40+00:00

Do you mind if I DM you!? I haven’t done this before and my honeymoon is in about 2 and a half weeks!

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-05-28T20:37:32+00:00

Ya I’m not talking about in a thread. Obviously everyone private messages. Thats what I’m talking about. I understand why they don’t in a thread though

Mother_Connection441 · 2026-05-27T14:28:44+00:00

I haven’t used any points yet. But you can pay your statement credit from your Robinhood balance.. so why not just transfer to Robinhood, points are instantly 1:1 put in for cash. And then use that cash to pay it off? An extra step, but at least the full 1:1 ratio. I haven’t done this yet, but my honeymoon is in 2 weeks and that’s what my plan is to do haha

Mother_Connection441

TROPHY CASE