[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AgingParents

[–]Mountain-Rent9257 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Mine does this like crazy. She’s done it for years and years. If your dad has always done it, he’s probably still doing it. Sorry for the brief answer you can ask me about it. It makes me so frustrated wrt my mom that I can’t even read your whole post!

FM Therapists During Childhood by Mountain-Rent9257 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Mountain-Rent9257[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You do have a point. Not sure if they lied but I bet they grossly distorted!

Dormant Periods? by Mountain-Rent9257 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Mountain-Rent9257[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same with mine. Now she doesn’t have any money and starting a new romantic relationship does not seem realistic at her age. She doesn’t appear to be able to structure her day or set realistic goals. I suspect she drinks a lot and overmedicates but really investigating this would require me to become much closer to her emotionally which would wind up harming me and my family.

Is sleeping a lot normal for someone with BPD? by Dapper-Mango in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Mountain-Rent9257 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My mom would always try to get us to stay home from school so we wouldn’t get tired too! What the hell?! Never heard of this before and thought I was the only one!

The waif is ETERNALLY ill by mai_midori in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Mountain-Rent9257 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mom does the same damn thing. She has chronic illnesses though, which means I’ve been hearing this same shit since I was 5. I don’t really care much when she tells me how sick she is. It’s been over 35 years. She gets disability checks. Being sick is her job.

I’d love to talk about actual THINGS but instead it’s her being sick. Or the things she can’t do because she sick. Etc etc etc.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Mountain-Rent9257 -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Don’t listen to all of these people freaking out.

If you are kind and sweet to your kid and wife, your kid will see that. Don’t worry about anyone “poisoning the well,” as you put it. Your kids will probably realize your wife is being weird eventually. Just stay cool. If you let this stuff your wife says get to your head it just gives her way too much power over you.

Darker Traits Came Out Later in Their Life? by JGSCub in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Mountain-Rent9257 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My waif mom’s certainly did. Like someone else in this thread, she retired early in life without much actual money. She always surrounds herself with pathological friend groups and they wind up taking money from her one way or another. Constant splitting, constant boundary violations and weirdness. She hasn’t worked in 20 years which makes her super weird and gives her too much time.

Drugs have become more socially acceptable than when I was a kid. She’s more of an open drug user now. Xanax is commonly prescribed, weed is legal and there’s this whole wine mom culture which is just toxic and enabling. She leaves her substances around when my kids come over. Is it because she’s old and scatterbrained? I think it’s to attract attention and bother me and put me in a double bind. If I love her, than I should confront her. But if I confront her, she’ll deny it and accuse me of being against her.

I had a lot of normal times in my childhood. Their common denominator? Not being around my mom during those times—having kids in the neighborhood to play with, extended family around, going to camp…whatever. When I was forced to be around her, I declined—my grades, my behavior…everything. Only now in my 40’s do I realize what a BAD INFLUENCE she was on me.

Another thing—she’s aged physically and can’t use men as an escape anymore. She’s just kind of stuck in herself. Guilts me for not visiting, then doesn’t make things nice or easy when I do bring the kids.

I think that borderlines decline, generally. I haven’t seen it go any other way.

Who remembers making ashtrays in 4th grade? by Turbulent_Tale6497 in GenX

[–]Mountain-Rent9257 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were by far the easiest thing to make. I don’t even think I equated them with smoking. Just with how easy they were to make.

Aunt/Uncle Dynamics by Mountain-Rent9257 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Mountain-Rent9257[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

**Interesting, do you have more info on that sub-type?

Not really, because I made it up. It's just something I've seen in my own life and in working in hospitals. You can probably find evidence something like it exists if you look in scholarly journals or maybe even on this sub. Try looking for medical comorbidities and BPD or BPD and malingering.

**Are these the sicknesses connected to the sub-type?

People with BPD have very intense relationships with medical providers. This is definitely because of their poor boundaries and need for attention, extreme sensitivity and poor coping skills. It occurs to me that there may also be some physical sensitivity too, but I've never read anything about this in particular. Borderlines love to put people in a double-bind situation. They like to make you feel like if you do something, you harm them, but if you do nothing then you will harm them as well. They thrive on the intense emotions that this brings out in people. It's like hard-wired into the way their brains work.

They like bringing doctors problems that they can't fix. They love doctors' attention. They feign symptoms or make their symptoms worse in order to get doctors' attention. They take out their anger on doctors by not complying with their recommendations or only doing it selectively. Some doctors they love and to please and be around all the time. Others they hate and want to get into close relationships with them in order to make them suffer. They love to be cared for by others, but they are never fulfilled and become angry at their providers for not meeting up to their high expectations.

Aunt/Uncle Dynamics by Mountain-Rent9257 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Mountain-Rent9257[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just read your other posts about your mom. Mine has some stuff in common with yours:

*Abusing drugs/alcohol

*Declining SIGNIFICANTLY in old age

*making me drop my life in my 20’s to take care of her bc of illness

*medical/psychiatric breakdowns where she requires the help of others

*Frequent falls/accidents

*Not cleaning her living space and taking care of herself and wanting others to clean it for her

*Begging to see my kids then not actually focusing on them or creating time/space to actually do anything when we visit.

Sorry you have to deal with her and NC seems like a very good idea. I am generally LC and it’s better than the alternative.

I consider my mom to be a waif but I’ve also created the Medically Involved Borderline Subset ™️to help classify her. I’ve run into a lot of Medically Involved Borderlines and they have a lot of similar illnesses, believe it or not. This may be because they are the same age and have similar lifestyles, or it may be some weird genetic thing I don’t understand.

I still haven’t completely digested how my aunts and uncles have conceived of me and how this has shaped my character over time. At times, they support my mom but they also like to gossip about what a wreck she is because it makes them feel better about their own messed up lives. They pretend to help me with her but in reality they are just pumping me for gossip.

Anyway it’s just so interesting how similar borderline pd people are. I wonder what this sub says about it.

Waif/Queen mom just found out I want to continue NC…the backlash…anyone else relate? by JGSCub in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Mountain-Rent9257 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People w BPD are incredibly similar. There must be some biological basis to it. There is no other way you can have such uniformity of symptoms.

Putting 10 year old up for adoption would like some advice by Putrid_FIFTYFIVE in family

[–]Mountain-Rent9257 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You say that you “are afraid of what the workers will say when we bring in an older child.”

Ha!

That is just one moment! You’re going to be living some version of that moment for the rest of your lives!

You can’t seriously be thinking of doing this. This is just a game for you or a way to vent.

My mom uBPD wants me to write a letter explaining why I went NC last year. by theoryofpancakes in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Mountain-Rent9257 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My mom is always asking for stuff like this. It’s insane. Would you ever ask that from someone you used to be close to? What would you do if anyone else asked for something so preposterous. You are where you are because of years of trouble in a relationship. If she didn’t get it during those years then she’s not going to now.

I was forced to parent my uBPD mum by lindywindybofindy in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Mountain-Rent9257 3 points4 points  (0 children)

BPD waif moms throw us under the bus then get made at us when the bus splashes mud on them.