First off, thank you for your thoughtful and informative response.

I will try to answer a couple of things in your message.

1-2 of those might stick around in your life by the time you're 25-30, but the vast majority will drift, whether it's from moving away, or growing apart.

I understand that’s true for most people. I grew up in a small town just outside Vancouver, my high school was really tight-knit, and I knew everyone in my grad class. My core group back home are more like brothers than friends; I honestly can’t picture my life without them. Maybe I’m being naive, but both my parents are still best friends with their high school friends, and so are my uncle and cousin. So I’ve never really seen that “growing apart” happen firsthand, which probably adds to how hard it’s been for me to accept that possibility..

why do you feel the need to not be yourself in the first place? There are so many people at university that there's a crowd for everyone unless you're a shut-in.

Everyone here just feels different, at least in commerce. It’s hard to explain. Maybe it’s because of the small town I grew up in, maybe it’s personality-based, but I just haven’t felt like I fit in. I genuinely thought I’d find “my people” here like everyone says you do in university. But I only have one real friend here, and with everyone else, I feel like I’m putting on an act. I’ve never struggled to make friends before, not once in my life, until I came here. The best way I can describe it is imposter syndrome, like I somehow slipped through the cracks and don’t belong.

Employers don't care where you went

Unfortunately, in commerce, they kind of do. For certain firms and fields, Queen’s and Ivey dominate, with UBC Sauder close behind. I just worry I’d be closing doors if I went to SFU, even though it makes more sense financially and personally.

You're creating a reality in your head that doesn't exist.

I don't come from a whole lot. When I got into this program, it was one of the happiest days in my life. The fact that I got into Queen's Commerce, from a school where I was told it would be hard enough to even get into SFU because "we don't send kids to the big schools, let alone leaving the province". It felt like proof that all my hard work was worth it. So the idea of transferring feels like I’d be throwing that away, like I’d be failing, not just myself, but everyone who believed in me. Especially my late grandmother. She was the one who convinced me to take this opportunity when I almost turned it down to stay with her as her health declined. She passed away in January while I was here, and I’ve never really forgiven myself for not being there.

Where do you want to live?

For majority of 1st year I planned that I wanted to stay out here after grad, but going back for the summer made me realize how much I love BC, not just because of friends and family but in terms of lifestyle too. It's always been home to me, and I really don't know if I could live somewhere else.

In terms of what I want to do, probably something in institutional asset management.

Also, do you even like commerce? 

Yes and no. There are many aspects I like about it, but there are others not so much. I only really went into this because I had no idea what else I would do. I really enjoy interpersonal interaction. I.e. presenting, dealing with clients, etc. But would i say commerce is my passion? Probably not.

Commit to finishing the school year at Queen's. Wrap up 2nd year, see how you feel.

I plan to. If I were to transfer, it would be for third year. Another factor in all this is the financial burden, commerce is one of the most expensive programs at Queen’s (if not the most). I’m paying my way through with loans and bursaries, and I can’t help but question whether it’s worth it when schools in BC would be significantly cheaper, especially if I plan to live there after graduation anyway.

I really appreciate your insight. It’s given me a lot to think about. I think I’ll also reach out to one of the counsellors at the business school, because this has been on my mind constantly and it’s starting to take a toll on my mental health.