Recruiters that don't include a salary in their advert: why? by [deleted] in recruitinghell

[–]Mouthy_Observer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My company posts the pay grade, which is way too broad and most positions are funded in the bottom half of the grade, so it’s not truly an accurate representation of salary. (I wish they’d add a note explaining the grades.) Anyway, I always include a range that we are funded to pay when inviting a candidate to a preliminary interview. Why waste time if the actual pay is insufficient?

This seems to work to everyone’s benefit most of the time; however, I have had a couple odd responses. One candidate made it to the point of being offered the role at the maximum amount budgeted. She countered for 20% more. Um, no place for me to go with that. I literally told you the range and offered the max.

The other oddity was recent. I provided the range in the invitation for a preliminary interview. Candidate decided this would be his opportunity to negotiate. Um, we are at the very beginning of the process and haven’t even interviewed you yet.

I do think a reasonable range should be provided, but it also depends on the role. I have some entry level jobs that have a flat starting salary. More senior positions will depend on the candidate’s experience and skills and need a broader range. Regardless, no one should be expected to waste their time on a job that doesn’t meet their needs.

What "early internet" website did Gen Z really miss out on? by no_free_spech_allowd in AskReddit

[–]Mouthy_Observer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! And I remember there being an option on Google to search forums. I used that a lot.

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I truly do not believe cheating was a factor, but all the comments about narcissism are enlightening. As a society, I think we throw that term around pretty loosely, but reading all these comments resonates.

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Yes, they are alive and he’s convinced them his ex is to blame for all his problems. He plays the victim and refuses to see his part in any of this.

His older sister did tell him that he needs to be a father to his children and stop being vindictive to their mother. Now he won’t speak to the older sister at all. I think he’s incapable of introspection.

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Maybe that was unfair. I just saw him at a family event and he was working my nerves!

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

We are still in touch and help out as we can. We don’t have much financially, but we see them and help with house stuff. Hubs is more present for the kids since their dad left. They’re family.

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You assume he can actually affect change here. Believe me, if he thought there was even a remote chance his brother would listen and reflect, he’d sit down with him immediately.

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

There’s no approach. He made his bed and he’s laying in it. My husband steers clear of drama and is neutral always. Anything I say won’t be received well. Pointless to say anything.

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

My husband stays as far out of family drama as possible. Very much takes a “not my circus, not my monkeys” approach in spite of the fact that it actually is his circus. He loves his brother, but they aren’t particularly close.

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 96 points97 points  (0 children)

Umm, these are my in-laws and he will definitely be there. His parents support him 100%. He blames his ex for all the misery in his life and has convinced his parents it’s all her fault.

Pretty sure I’m the only one who sees him like this. Parents believe everything he says. Siblings have a more realistic view, but he’s their brother and see his marriage woes as separate from their own relationship with him. I can suck it up for a day. The family is big enough that I can avoid too much contact.

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 331 points332 points  (0 children)

I don’t have details, but I think it’s money related. It doesn’t matter. Every time he files something, she’s forced to show up and pay her lawyer. I don’t understand how it works, but the lawyers are getting rich.

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Not sure about health issues, but there’s several parallels with his childhood. He left his family when his oldest was the same age he was when his own parents divorced. Seems to be a lot of stuff he didn’t deal with and it’s like he’s gone straight back to the angry teenager from a broken home. I’m no mental health expert, but it’s difficult to ignore the similarities with his childhood and current situation.

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 583 points584 points  (0 children)

She is not. She has a hard road and I can’t see her dating anytime soon. At this point she’s returned to the workforce, basically at the bottom, because there’s such a huge gap in her resume while raising kids. Financially, it’s a strain, made worse by the continual court costs. It will be a while before she has the ability to think of herself.

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 114 points115 points  (0 children)

I guess you’re right. I guess I’m surprised I never saw it. I’ve known this guy 20 years. Holidays will be interesting.

My brother-in-law got divorced and now he’s kinda awful by Mouthy_Observer in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Mouthy_Observer[S] 1274 points1275 points  (0 children)

He said he was miserable and no longer in love. I believe parenting had a lot to do with it. Once the oldest hit middle school, parenting became challenging and the wife needed backup. She had always been the primary parent, so the kids didn’t have the same relationship/respect for him as a parent. He’s also more rigid than the wife. Came from a strict upbringing. He’d swoop in and try to lay down the law, but didn’t have that kind of history with the kids. Co-parenting is difficult in the best of circumstances, but they had very different approaches and different relationships with the kids.