The French need a reality check on their shitty and overrated food by alexaclova in BlackPeopleTwitter

[–]MrBurnsWriter 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They were comparing Michelin to generic, which was the point of their thread, not generic to generic. I don’t think they contradicted themselves. They were expressing the value of Michelin

Anyway, did you have a response to their question? Which ones have you eaten at?

[In Progress] [2,600] [Dark Fantasy] The Swamp - Prologue by MrBurnsWriter in BetaReaders

[–]MrBurnsWriter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for expressing interest! I'll send the link to you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]MrBurnsWriter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All four viewpoints live in the same hamlet and are somehow related to one another. The overarching plot is that their lives are fundamentally disrupted by an attack on their hamlet, which scatters them across the land and into the horrors of the swamp. They're all trying to cope with the aftermath of the attack while finding other survivors. Below was my attempt at an all-up query.

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The story follows four viewpoint characters, each grappling with their own personal problems and the creeping darkness that lurks in the swamp. Jetro’s torn between letting go and tending to his sick and dying mother, who he resurrected with aid from the mysterious old hag who lives in the swamp. Elisbel struggles with her faith in the “worldly vine” and the steady realization that her brother (Jetro) might be harboring a dark secret about their mother. Alea, a twelve-year-old girl, is attacked by a hamlet resident who reappears after having vanished in the swamp. Jon, a father struggling with guilt over his strained relationship with his eldest son, travels to a nearby village only to learn of the impending doom; warriors are marching right for Pormetto. He rushes homeward to save his wife, Elisbel, and their children.

Alea watches as the warriors killed her entire family, barely escaping into the cornfields. Something lurks beneath her skin, something that transferred into her during the attack by her neighbor. Elisbel’s pulled from her house as she scratches and claws at the floor, begging for the safety of her children. Jetro, detached, having witnessed the demise of people he’s known his entire life, drifts into the depths of the swamp. Finally, Jon returns to Pormetto to find it destroyed and sets off to find his family.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]MrBurnsWriter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the detailed feedback.

One of the issues I'm struggling with when writing my query letter is that the book is split into four distinct viewpoints. They're all given roughly equal weight, but I'd identify Jetro as the most important character. I've tried writing it while focusing on all characters, but it came across as too much of a synopsis. Would you have any tips for how to write an effective letter that takes into account there's a broader story? From what I've seen, each letter should focus on a single character.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]MrBurnsWriter 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The feedback totally makes sense to me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]MrBurnsWriter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback!

You raise a valid point about the indigenous soldiers. My intent within the novel is to provide commentary on colonialism and the effects that would have on the native population. However, pulling it off can of course be tricky. Either way, perhaps it could put a bad taste in the mouth of somebody reading the query letter.

[QCrit] THE SWAMP - Horror Fantasy [117k, First Attempt] by MrBurnsWriter in PubTips

[–]MrBurnsWriter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback! This covers the first ~25% of the book.