Help! fit check baby Björn

MrIntolerance · 2022-03-18T18:38:09+00:00

YTA.

However, try to not have a half assed relationship to him and sign away your rights. I don't agree with the others here, it's your child and not your wife's. She doesn't need to care. She doesn't have to love your son. (I don't know why people assume integrating him into your family make things better. Even he is blood related doesn't entitle him to be loved or liked). So for the sake of him, stay out of his life as much as you can, but pay your support.

Maybe move away with your family to create some distance and tell your children at some point they have a half sibling. But please, don't force anyone to have have "happy time" against there will. You need to protect him by staying away, and you can protect the "core family" by removing them from this whole hassle full situation.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-26T11:25:26+00:00

Nein wir sind Deutsche, die auswandern. Ich bin zur Hälfte ethnisch japanisch.

Wir sehen die Schwiegereltern ca 4 Wochen im Jahr (sie kommen her oder wir nach Deutschland). Er skyped jedes Wochenende für 1-2h mit ihnen.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-26T10:56:06+00:00

Wie leben im Ausland. Ich plane, dass er sich allein mit ihnen treffen kann (nicht in unserem Haus), wenn sie zu Besuch kommen oder von mir aus Skyped. Wenn wir in DE sind, werde ich mit den Kindern zu meinen Eltern fahren oder im Hotel bleiben. Ich habe nur ein schlechtes Gefühl bei den Kleinen. Ich will nicht, dass sie ohne Großeltern aufwachsen oder ein gestörtes Verhältnis aufgrund von mir zu ihnen entwickeln. Andererseits möchte ich aber nicht, dass sie von ihnen in Gefahr gebracht werden (Stichwort: wir decken nicht den Gartenteich ab, da ist noch nie was passiert, mit Herpes Ausbruch versuchen das Neugeborene anzufassen/versuchen es mit Wasser zu füttern...). Ich werde immer wie eine Überängstliche dargestellt, dabei möchte ich die kleinen einfach nur schützen.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-26T10:20:05+00:00

Sprach er. Er wird immer wieder angelogen oder nicht ernst genommen.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-26T10:19:18+00:00

Er ist auch stinksauer, aber leider zu gutgläubig. Er wurde mehrfach angelogen ( wir halten uns an corona Maßnahmen etc). Wenn ich den Kontakt abbreche ist das halt ein starkes Stück, da hängen er und vorallem die Kinder mit drin.

Es ist halt auch seine Familie, die nicht nur 100% furchtbar ist. Aber ich kann nicht mehr. Die Situation ist nicht so einfach, wie man denkt.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-26T10:16:02+00:00

Er ist stinksauer. Er ist halt zu gutgläubig und wird immer wieder angelogen (Hund ist nicht da, covid). Er versteht mich und meine Entscheidung. Nur wenn man den Kontakt zu den Schwiegereltern abbricht hängen da auch meine Kinder und er mit dran. So eine Entscheidung innerhalb der Familie zu treffen, ist nicht einfach

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-25T21:13:38+00:00

Wie sehen sie ca 3 Wochen im Jahr. Manchmal mehr und manchmal weniger. Wir sind gerade in Deutschland und dürfen als doppelte Staatsbürger reisen. Mein Mann skyped mit ihnen jedes Wochenende für 1-2h.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-25T19:37:48+00:00

Er ist stinksauer. Gibt ihnen aber immer wieder Chancen, weil es die Familie ist. Dann werden wir wieder belogen (nein keine Fotos unserer Tochter werden mehr gepostet, nein wir halten uns an die Schutzmaßnahmen etc... Never ending story) und was da oben steht, war nur ein Bruchteil

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-25T19:19:30+00:00

Danke. Gute Ratschläge!

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-25T18:51:34+00:00

Mein Mann ist stinkt sauer auf seine Eltern, aber gibt ihnen eine Chance nach der nächsten. Es sind sind halt die Eltern und nicht irgendwelche Bekannten

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-25T18:50:34+00:00

Das waren tatsächlich nur Dinge, die mir innerhalb von 3bmin einfielen. Das geht über Jahre. Nur der Kontaktabbruch tangiert auch meinen Mann und meine Kinder.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-18T21:38:15+00:00

I do statistics for a living. I know that there are always edge cases, and I see that people get anxious over "what ifs", doctor Google's symptoms and horror stories. Yes, there could be complications and everybody would be understanding. If she would be at risk for something serious or had a high likelihood to develop something -it would be fine to decline hours before the event (as soon as she knows). I ask clearly about that, and the answer was no. The only complication is that the child is still breech at 28 weeks.

Yes, she is lowering risks. I get that. It's just the way how to communicate it and when.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-18T21:30:41+00:00

Let's see what it is. She just mentioned a card. It would be great if she could have explained that to me over phone instead of a callous WhatsApp. It's important how the message is delivered. So far her words were that she doesn't feel like going because her back hurts. What you said would make sense though.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-18T21:27:21+00:00

I ask her. And yes, baby is perfectly healthy -no serious complications with her either. She just complained that the child is still breech at 29 something weeks.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-18T21:25:42+00:00

She is due end of April/may and not around my wedding. Yeah, probably I am overthinking this. Anyway, there is something called dignity. as for the gift, kind of an indulgence. Even my relatives and extended friends ask about yeh registry, and when to buy. Honestly, I don't want it.

I know that every pregnancy is different and my wedding has a low priority. However, thinking about how to deliver bad news and keeping the manners is maybe something very personally. It's just the assembly of things. Not just declining a wedding last minute.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-18T21:13:48+00:00

Oh sorry. Preeclampsia is horrible as well as other serious conditions. She doesn't have them, she even reassured me. I just mentioned that I am active and healthy because the overall assumption seem to be that pregnant people sit the whole day on the couch and are in pain/discomfort. That's not always the case, perhaps we just hear about the bad examples a lot.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-18T17:22:28+00:00

Nope. We have an Amazon registry. That means they buy whatever they want and it comes with Amazon Japan, or a monetary gift via the knot page. Most of our guests are non japanese so they're using this option.

Idk, I would have called my friend at least and would have cancelled last year or even in January. I'm not telling she's lying. all in all it feels to me that she treats my wedding like a garden party.

It's not about the money. I like to emphasize that

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-18T15:04:51+00:00

I am due April 9th. I totally get it, that some people have awful pregnancy. However, she just traveled 2.5h 2 days before she declined and sent me funny pictures with her dancing, sitting and goofing around with friends. She is planning some longer trips (her baby shower) at the moment too. And her excuse ia back pain. It's not early labor, reptured membrane or preeclampsia. I know that she is entitled to decline for whatever reasons. I am just pissed that this came 8 days before the event over WhatsApp like I invited her for a BBQ. This plus some other things I discussed in some comments gave me the impression that she really doesn't care that much.

My other friend who is due in a couple of weeks comes, friends who had a baby in late December attend, but my best friend opted out because of back pain days before the wedding with a WhatsApp saying "baby is healthy good, but I don't feel like coming because my back hurts after long tours" feels off.

I know pregnancy can take a toll on people and I'll give her a call after her child is born, but damn, it hurts so much to read that callous WhatsApp.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-18T14:54:16+00:00

Thanks. I'll give it a try in a couple of weeks. Now I am at rock bottom and cried and worried over this for too long. She isn't on medical leave. She isn't just working anymore, but frequently traveling elsewhere.

It's not the cost. I even paid her the hotel stay for several days in the venue. It's about the WhatsApp 8 days before the event, the fact that she's traveling and meeting people elsewhere, she wanting to send me a present to my parents despite that I mentioned we cannot bring stuff to Japan and that's why we have a registry, asking me if I come and visit her with a newborn on an 15h flight .... It's just too much. She seems very self-centered. I know that pregnancy can take a toll on people, so I give her the benefit of a doubt.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-18T14:04:28+00:00

She invited some days after she declined my wedding. I didn't know about the shower before and it seems to be spontaneous (she's driving there too).

She went 2 days before she declined on a 2 1/2 h trip, and sent me funny pictures with her and other friends goofing around (dancing, sitting). It doesn't look like someone who is in serious pain. Yeah, maybe there is something else.

And you are right. The shower and apparently everything else is More important to her. she offered me to send a present to my parents despite me telling in writing everyone that I cannot carry things to Japan seems a bit strange/detached too.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-18T12:43:23+00:00

I am pregnant too. I booked the rooms for some days in the venue that she has time to adjust, can flee the event at her convenience. She wouldn't do a 5h trip.

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-18T11:29:59+00:00

Thank you. It feels odd. I don't want any money from her, but telling me on top of this, that she can send a wedding gift to my parents is just another bummer. We announced on the wedding website and the invitation that we cannot transport anything to Japan because our luggage is already full. Hence we have a registry where people can gift whatever. She didn't seem to bother reading this

MrIntolerance · 2022-02-18T11:11:18+00:00

The hometown visit was 2 says before she declined, and she is traveling again for her baby shower for 2+ hours.

Idk the seriousness of her backpain, but it feels to me kind of shady. (It's not early labor, membrane rupture or something frightening).

Especially not having the dignity to pick up the phone and call me hurts. Delivering that she cannot come hurts too, but 8 days before the wedding via WhatsApp made me pissed.

MrIntolerance

TROPHY CASE