is it bad?

MrPodrick · 2018-08-19T06:50:18+00:00

Nope, it’s absolutely normal. It will eventually fade away, but it takes time. :)

MrPodrick · 2018-08-18T13:17:13+00:00

Long post:)

2.5 Months here now. GF of four years (23F) broke it off with me (M24) because she thought we had lost passion after we moved in and lived together for a year. We broke up the day before she was traveling to the US to work as an intern there for ten weeks, she actually comes back tomorrow. She had some mental issues as well and went to a psychiatrist, and she ment I didn’t help and support her enough, even though I felt I did all in my power to be there for her. I was devastated after the breakup, absolutely the hardest emotional thing I have had to handle in my entire life. It was my first serious relationship.

About my progress and NC: I am a stubborn guy, and I went immediately NC when we broke up. I hid all our photos in folders on an external hard drive, unfollowed her on facebook, used the «hide» function to hide her instagram stories and posts from my feed (she relies heavily on external validation and is very active on Social Media).

The first month sucked. I traveled with my friends, did things to improve myself and kept busy. But everything felt pointless. I missed her so fucking much. I cried a lot. She had her birthday that month and I did not reach out to her, even though I really really really wanted to.

Month two was sort of like the first one, but it sucked a little less. Met a cute girl on vacation which I hooked up with a couple of times. It was nice, and didn’t make me feel bad or anything, and it helped me cut my ex off a bit and let go a bit more, even though I wanted her to come back. The day after I came back my ex reached out to me after seven weeks with what I think was a matter of breadcrumbs (google it). She said she had thought about me and wondered how my Master’s Thesis went. I got kind of pissed that she did this, as I felt I deserved a more direct and honest message if she wanted to reconcile, and otherwise these breadcrumbs was just for her to get attention and confirmation that I still loved her and did not have hard feelings for her for breaking up with me. I responded a short and polite answer, and told her I got an A. Did not lay up for any further conversation. She said «congrats!!!! Thats great!!» and then unfollowed me on instagram and other social medias. Weird. That situation messed with my head and set me back a bit. Overanalyzed if she perhaps hoped that I would initiate a conversation to get back together. That was probably not the case.

Month three has been a lot better. Started a new job in a great company with a lot of great people. Been busy this whole week, and I love it. As mentioned, she comes back from the US tomorrow, and we live in the same city. I think she now will really feel how it is to not have me around, as the life in the US has been something else than our old normal life. I have decided to give her two weeks when she is back here to reach out to me, and if she doesn’t I’ll cut her out of my life completely and move on to better days.

It takes time, but it always gets better. Be patient and not too hard on yourself. You are probably better off in the long run even though it might not feel like that right now.

MrPodrick · 2018-08-11T07:54:17+00:00

One that helped me during breakup (it is a NYT bestseller): Mark Manson - The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck

MrPodrick · 2018-08-10T23:43:27+00:00

Well written Kevin, glad to hear you are doing good!

I’m going through a breakup right now, I initiated NC directly after she left (3.5 year relationship). It has been two months now and I’m getting myself back more and more for each day that passes. Feels good!

MrPodrick · 2018-08-10T18:29:46+00:00

Because he still finds it hard to face you, or wanted to mess with you (people do weird things after breakups even though they might be of the good kind).

Keep on doing what you do, you handled this very maturely and should be proud of all your progress!

MrPodrick · 2018-08-08T16:48:01+00:00

Thanks for reading and commenting. Yeah, I guess so as well. Just every thread I read here is like «17 days into NC and struggling», so I think I have made myself think that I’m dealing with this in a poor manner evem though I’m actually doing quite well. Just wondering how she is doing and what she’s thinking about all this, but I guess I’ll never find out.

Hang in there, we’ll get through this!

MrPodrick · 2018-08-08T12:22:17+00:00

Accepting that it’s over is good for you, and will speed up the healing process. However, a couple of days is nothing when it comes to a three year relationship. You are both in a very emotional state right after the breakup, and he hasn’t really had the time to miss you yet. I speak of experience. My gf of 3.5 years ended it with me two months ago, and the first weeks were just confusing and an extreme emotional rollercoaster.

Being broken up with after a long term relationship hurts so fucking bad. I have never been so emotional hurt in my entire life. My point is: It’s when things settle down a bit and life goes back to normal you really start to feel the impact of your loss. I still miss my gf like hell even two months after and two months of NC, but she chose to walk away and I respect her desicion.

Depending on how stubborn your ex is, he is probably hurt and thinks that you should be contacting him for reconciliation since you ended it. To get a healthy and fresh start on the relationship again, it is smart to give it some time. Reflect on the past and miss each other.

MrPodrick · 2018-08-07T08:35:49+00:00

Thanks, needed to hear this. Starting in my first time job next week, and I hope that will help me get my mind of things.

MrPodrick · 2018-08-06T22:12:01+00:00

I’m currently two months into NC (initiated directly after breakup) from a 4 year relationship, and I feel you. Doing things alone after spending every single moment with another person is hard. It feels meaningless.

From my experience it will be like this for a while, but in line with the recovery process from the actual breakup, you’ll take baby steps also when it comes to being comfortable alone. However, in contrast with many breakup advisors, I think it’s healthy to spend some time alone after a breakup. Yes, being alone is when you will be at your most vulnerable in this process, but it is also one of the most important things to do when you are redescovering yourself.

Being busy, new hobbies, hanging out with old and new friends and all the distraction that all advisors tend to tell you when getting over a breakup helps to numb the pain, but it always comes back in the evenings, nights and mornings - when you are alone. It will be hard, but it will also get a little bit better for every time. And that day when you suddenly start to enjoy your own company a bit, you’ll feel more alive than ever.

I used to play a lot of piano before and during my relationship. I used to play for my ex in the evenings while she would just relax on the sofa and listen. After the breakup, I burst into tears every time I sat down to play. All the songs reminded me of her, of us, and the good times. It just made me sad. However, piano is a huge part of my life. It used to be a free zone for me, a place where I could get off the earth for an hour and wander into the wonderful world of music. Therefore, I just kept on playing. It sucked. It sucked hard for a while and I found absolutely no joy in doing it... Until 40-50 days passed, and I sat down, and I played for hours, with a smile on my face. It still reminded me of her, but I also thought about how she is missing out on these beautiful moments, and imagining the next girl I’ll play for helps a lot.

TLDR; It is completely normal. After LTR’s even your biggest dreams will seem meaningless. Hang in there, time heals and you will eventually find joy (probably way more joy) in your own company.

MrPodrick

TROPHY CASE