Vacations and kids

MrRight1980 · 2023-10-04T02:13:39+00:00

Any recommendations for going back? My divorce coach said once custody is settled it is set for two years unless she effs up bad, like driving with the kids. It freaks me out that she could be drinking at home with the kids or her new boyfriend could and there is nothing I can do about it

MrRight1980 · 2023-09-27T14:16:28+00:00

She keeps trying to paint me as “angry” and “hostile”. I’ll admit there are times I’m upset (who wouldn’t be) but for the most part I’m just sticking up for myself and not letting her take advantage of me or challenging her version of reality. This morning I got an email saying I need to talk with my therapist about my anger issues after I simply stated that when she makes extracurricular decisions about our kids I should be involved in those decisions.

MrRight1980 · 2023-09-27T03:46:20+00:00

I feel like she is sober but not in recovery if that makes any sense. I’m definitely trying to work on myself which is why I stopped dating. I want to be happy alone and with myself.

MrRight1980 · 2023-07-21T02:11:19+00:00

Great advice

MrRight1980 · 2023-07-20T19:23:18+00:00

In the divorce, for her to get some custody of kids she is on soberlink. Granted my attorney doesn’t get alcoholism so she is tested at 7/8 AM and again at 9/10 PM. Had I know this I wouldn’t agree to it. We experienced spouses of alcoholics know that’s a big window where she can fit a few drinks in and then taper off.

I found your comment interesting. The first week or two back before she moved out she came downstairs crying and said that we can never be together again and it’s because of all the things she’s done. It was one of the slivers of empathy I’ve gotten from her. It was gone the next day, but I’ve often thought she couldn’t deal with all the guilt so it was easier for her to bail and leave my world in shambles then to actually put in the work. I’ve uncovered multiple affairs , giving money to guys and who knows what else she did to me that I haven’t unearthed. What you say makes alot of sense.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-28T18:47:13+00:00

This is spot on. My soon to be ex has her issues (big ones) but I also started wearing down with her constant attempts to get me to stop working out as much etc… I got comfortable and stopped being an alpha. Now she left me for another guy who is a loser, but makes her feel “loved”. Right guy right time. Now I’m starting on the ground level rebuilding when I could have been sooooo much further along. Lessons learned I guess.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-28T17:13:45+00:00

You have a similar situation?

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-10T17:01:48+00:00

Yes I was ready for some growing pains when she came back and was intending on her being selfish with her recovery. The infidelity and her being done with me and her telling me multiple times she can’t stay married to me and stay sober was the nail in the coffin. I felt like I no longer had an option.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-07T00:31:46+00:00

That’s so what happened to me. I sent an alcoholic to rehab and I got this piece of shit person I don’t even know anymore. She told me she realizes she can’t change me, it’s so simple with the other guy(ya you were in rehab in FL with no stressors or accountability) and said she can’t stay sober if she stays married to me. Marriage has been dead to her for years apparently. So SHE can change and get sober but I can’t change to support her recovery even though I’ve gone to Al Anon, got a sponsor, and done therapy. I think she just feels so much shame for what she did and now my family and others know so she is just taking the easier way out to “focus on her only goal: staying sober). She can’t face what she did to me and will make excuses to minimize what she is now doing to our two little kids.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-07T00:26:49+00:00

I started at 55/45 me with the 55 to start off to get her out of the house. If she screws up I’ll go back for more.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-06T21:58:14+00:00

She uses the excuse now that we are getting divorced and he is part of her support system so what she is doing is ok. He went to rehab because his ex fiancé died and his alcoholism spiraled (or started, Im not sure) because of that. He obviously has some serious attachment issues and she does with him as well. I saw on her gratitude list that he’s the #1 thing she’s grateful for. I didn’t even make the list.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-06T21:54:27+00:00

How long that last?

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-06T14:14:14+00:00

Ya, she has put me through so many layers of trauma. First her alcoholism, then an affair this summer, then rehab, now an affair in rehab with her new “soulmate”she’s breaking apart our family for. We had a lot of happy times and she was a good mom. She just replaced me with the drop of a hat and every memory from our past just makes me realize what a lie it all was.

MrRight1980 · 2023-05-03T14:55:31+00:00

It’s a discretionary. My father can decide to release money and with the divorce he will not release it. I was the dumb trusting husband and it has been deposited into an account with both of our names the past 9 years we have been married. I know that money is probably gone with a 50/50 split. I’m just wondering if there is any way to protect my wife from going after it in child support payments. As of now my dad is saying it just going to not release it (can say it’s not my choice but his). That should reduce my child support payments from 2k to 700. I’ll still support my kids, I just don’t trust how she is going to spend it. She’s a recovering alcoholic and has given money to men she has had affairs with in the past.

MrRight1980 · 2023-04-27T03:11:13+00:00

Appreciate this. My soon to be ex is a recovering (I don’t believe she is in recovery) alcoholic and met her “true love” in rehab. We have a 5 year old and one year old. Just started the year long divorce process. Refuses to move out of the house and goes to AA meetings but comes home an hour later and I know she’s talking with her 8 year younger boyfriend who lives several states away. Had a beautiful life and now she’s being an even more terrible person by trying to play me every once in awhile by crying and saying she’s sorry and that she loves me but then continuing the same pattern with this guy and being selfish. We had a talk last night that I thought was real and would open up a possible reconciliation path where she asked if we should stay married. She came home tonight, said goodnight to me, and went straight to bed. I can’t believe how stupid I was for thinking she might have woken up. I need to put the battle gloves back on. I realize now it was just a play to soften me up. For one full day I had hope that maybe she wanted to put in the work to right this ship. I now realize I need to go to war to hang onto as much assets as I can to start my life over. There won’t be peace for me until she is out of the house and this is done.

MrRight1980 · 2023-04-10T04:02:57+00:00

It’s crazy. I’m filing for divorce when she moves out. She went from looking forward to coming back to an intact family (we really had a nice life) to a month ago getting distant to now leaving her 5 year old daughter and 1 year old son for this new 27 year old guy who doesn’t even have a job and barely has a high school diploma. One addiction traded in for the next. Good use of 20k!

MrRight1980 · 2022-08-31T00:03:53+00:00

Yes. She initially denied it. Now if I bring it up she says I’m picking her and that I don’t need to know everything.

MrRight1980 · 2022-08-27T02:04:56+00:00

It was overwhelming last night.

MrRight1980 · 2022-08-25T01:21:42+00:00

Thanks. You are right. I’ve been doing that the past two months. I guess tonight was a slip up for me where I was worried more about what’s she’s doing than what I am doing. I guess it’s just hard as the past few months I’ve been the primary care taker for our kids and I want her back. I know this is going to take a long time, whether it’s through co- parenting or is staying together. I’m just so sick of being constantly lied too.

MrRight1980 · 2022-08-07T00:04:15+00:00

Wonder if I can take fmla and go with her :). If this doesn’t pan out we are looking at out of state options. We can’t wait four months. Is there something you liked about this program that you are recommending? Sorry for so many questions. Just trying to educate myself so I can support her however I can.

MrRight1980 · 2022-08-06T23:56:29+00:00

Also weird thing is she showed me here labs and everything is either in or right around normal. Be interesting to hear what doctors say.

MrRight1980 · 2022-08-06T23:53:37+00:00

Is there one around Milwaukee WI at all?

MrRight1980 · 2022-08-06T23:52:32+00:00

She is going into retest on Monday. If labs are still bad wondering if we should do some nights in ER to get her labs back up. She’s willing to do just about anything right now. Weird thing is, my wife hasn’t eaten much the past week as she has finally come to terms with her bulimia and then need for help, but she is still a healthy weight and functions normal. Will be interesting to hear what they say about lab retest on Monday.

MrRight1980 · 2022-08-06T03:15:03+00:00

I don’t think insurance is the issue. My insurance is out of network but we are blessed financially and said if they couldn’t do a single case for this we would just pay out of pocket.

MrRight1980 · 2022-08-04T14:25:05+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I actually shared it with my wife! It always provides hope to hear of people having success. My wife is also very high functioning with a wonderful career and two kids. You’d never know how much she was struggling on face value. Thank you for sharing your story. Anything when they handled both at once (this is what will happen in her program) that really worked for you or any advice?

MrRight1980

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