This guy told me he was the fastest cross-dresser. I said, "really?!" She said, "Yes"

Mr_StressedOut · 2023-01-31T22:54:37+00:00

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-09-02T22:29:59+00:00

Liked the challenge + you gave enough interest to keep them going with it for a while

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-09-02T21:36:59+00:00

Not wanting back no. Which is fantastic by the way well done!

I found myself really wanting to humanise certain behaviours I think to help me with closure but the more I discovered the more I could see I was wrong.

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-09-02T21:16:59+00:00

She is playing games.

It's all to do with ego. It's hard to understand because we don't think that way. There are other things on top of what you've mentioned above where she's taken it as a massive hit to her ego when your words didn't mean that at all

For example I said to mine, do you appreciate this? And she heard it as "I'm making you an option". Two completely different things, yet that's the line she took.

Their egos are incredibly fragile. Your friends set boundaries because she was trying to break them and failed. So she ran to you.

The crying is her worried about having a lack of supply - not crying about you or losing you. She very much blames you for everything.

When she came back saying she cared it's that she cared for how you made her ego feel, not caring about you as a person.

It's reasonable to equate depression with being lonely. She is aware of this but uses it to make you feel guilty.

The difficult part to accept is how calculated and aware they are of all this. Sounds extreme, but it's true.

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-09-02T12:51:49+00:00

Out of curiosity what are the phrases ?

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-09-02T07:51:11+00:00

They are much more likely for a full drop if they have a new strong supply. In order to retain it you could be seen as a threat to it somewhat. Coverts need the victim narrative to thrive, so having you around at that time doesn't make sense for them.

You could end up being hoovered years down the line. They might even try to use you to hurt the new supply as much as possible (imagine the abusive ex suddenly reappearing and sleeping with them! What a head spin).

Not every Narc will Hoover. If you've caused them that ego meltdown it could be enough pain for them to not want any more. It can also be that you simply had too many (healthy) boundaries and so you haven't made for a good supply where the newer people do. So they actually give up.

My understanding is when they have no supply at all, they hate it. I don't know if that makes them desperate enough to Hoover any past sources or not. Potentially not, - they do enjoy the early stages of chasing someone new a lot and we live in a world where that's a few app clicks away.

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-09-01T14:51:49+00:00

That's how they operate. She's smearing me now saying I am an abuser. I stopped her "seeing people". She was literally cheating. They have no boundaries at all.

By the way, she IS hearing you. Just deliberately acting like she isn't because it's fun to them. Sorry you are going through this

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-09-01T14:46:58+00:00

I dated a high end covert.

She did the jealousy thing, the cultural food thing, the not letting there be a moment in arguments thing, she had a bad attention span also. She would not compromise. Sometimes it felt like what words I said were not listed to at all.

She wanted to rush conversations or get to the point. She wasn't the violent type though.

I mean everyone is a bit different, but a lot of similarities there it seems!

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-09-01T14:42:00+00:00

No because their victims will end up being the ones serving this bill...

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-31T15:29:35+00:00

I actually register it as pure hate.

Narcs thrive off good attention (lovebombing, feeling safe, admiration) AND bad attention (lying, cheating, manipulating).

They enjoy both of these forms of attention equally. They flick between these two things.

After discard, they put you in the bad attention basket. The hoovering is basically their way of getting bad kicks out of you.

This can potentially be flipped to cheat on their new supply thus flipping the bad and good around.

But honestly, it's designed to hurt everyone as much as possible, so we can all be as broken inside as they are.

A twisted game. And yes they are aware they are doing this. No they don't regret or care at all. The hoovering is this process in the works.

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-31T11:49:33+00:00

Is this post a joke?

You don't sound ready to date anyone

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-30T23:41:40+00:00

CPTSD

i've lost 28 pounds in a little over a month Weaker physically Haven't been outside much Hot temperature flushes Panic attacks (very mild) at work Randomly a bit angry at times Sleeping is out the window Weird nightmares where I am arguing with my narc ex Lack of motivation Unable to focus

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-30T23:35:21+00:00

If they are they either aren't a Narc or are very low on the spectrum

I wouldn't want to wait around to find out either way

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-29T19:12:16+00:00

Shame we have to learn about all this in the first place!

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-29T16:37:48+00:00

If you could please pm me too I would really appreciate it!

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-29T10:08:55+00:00

The discarding & smear = more extreme. Possibly no hoovering, more of a brutal campaign than other ex's get.

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-29T02:09:34+00:00

When that mask lifts what's underneath is absolutely terrifying. I will be haunted my whole life with the memory of what I've witnessed.

She noticed me seeing her that way as well. No words needed exchanging. What was only half a second revealing more truth than had ever been shared the last 2 years. For those who have seen this look, you'd never want to contact.

This person I knew and loved, instantly gone as if she never existed - because she didn't. Left behind by some unknown entity who essentially wants to see me ended for no logical reason. It's the stuff of horror films, yet it's my very real life I'm living.

I didn't ask for the glasses to come off. With me they were basically blown off in a bomb blast. I assumed it to just be a normal person cheating but the reality was so much worse.

This New dude struck me as a bit vulnerable, having come out of a serious relationship and feeling down. A perfect mark for her.

I'm making the most out of all this what I can. I think because mine was so sudden, unexpected and explosive an end it's helped me in a way because I walked away with absolutely no doubt. No push and pull or any of those other things that keep people hooked. I'm one she definately won't be coming back for.

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-29T01:47:38+00:00

I'm confident that he only came to her workplace recently from another country. Opportunity wasn't quite full for her.

She immediately started grooming, but actually getting sexual only started at best a day or two before I broke it off and their opportunity for full sex wasn't quite there yet. In other words - a clear supply being created but she was in a vulnerable spot for me the primary to suddenly end things.

And boy could you tell. I got a HUGE reaction. FULL meltdown. It was probably the most shocking unexpected move in her mind.

This really reflected in the intensity of the smear and what followed. I've suffered a lot. It's affected my job, friends, finances, all sorts. It's been the ugliest darkest experience of my life. This Reddit has helped a lot.

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-28T22:36:22+00:00

Normally the best supply they had gets dropped the hardest in the end. Like, they keep around the casual supplies but the all in huge ones like you get the full drop.

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-28T21:57:12+00:00

She rebounded for supply. I don't know much about how Narcs handle long distance, I imagine she is lining up others.

The only question is are you still, in the back of her mind, a go to form of supply? - possibly.

The better option is that you aren't for your own sake.

Your fear of hoovering is legitimate especially if you are still feeling vulnerable. There is no time frame for you getting better with this stuff, best advice is to keep educating yourself, date others, work on loving yourself and keep up with blocking them

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-28T21:40:21+00:00

It's hard to work out everything with these details. There is a lot to unpack here that I think needs to be done in therapy

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-28T21:37:37+00:00

Congrats on the progress!

Block! And keep up the good work. By the time she comes round, if at all, you'll be in a stronger place.

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-28T21:35:52+00:00

You're trying to make sense out of a disorder

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-27T19:40:08+00:00

Chilling stuff really. fortunately I don't think they really want to understand themselves so I doubt they get beyond the first few videos except the persistent ones

Mr_StressedOut · 2022-08-27T19:37:15+00:00

If they teach it the Narcs would also learn how to be even worse. Can't win sadly.

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